All your shitty jokes

charface

charface

Well-Known Member
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...

Satan: Why so glum?

Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell!

Satan: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. Are you a drinking man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Satan: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and colas. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more! And we don't worry about getting a hangover because you're dead anyway.

Guy: Gee, that sounds great!

Satan: You a smoker?

Guy: You better believe it! Satan: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer no biggie, you're already dead, remember?

Guy: Wow... that's awesome!

Satan: I bet you like to gamble.

Guy: Why yes, as a matter of fact I do.

Satan: Cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots. If you go bankrupt... you're dead anyhow. Do you do drugs??

Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...

Satan: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares.

Guy: WOW! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!

Satan: You gay?

Guy: No...

Satan: Ooooh You're gonna hate Fridays!!
 
haight

haight

Well-Known Member
lokie said:
When The Body Was First Made, Who Was the Most Important

One day, all the parts of the body were talking about who was most important.

THE BRAIN SAID – “Since I control everything and do all the thinking, I am the most important therefore I should be boss.”

THE FEET SAID – “Since I carry him everywhere he wants to go and get him in position to do what the brain wants, I am the most important.”

THE EYES SAID – “Since I must look out for all of you and tell you where the danger lurks, I an the most important body part.”

THE HANDS SAID – “Since I do all the work and earn all the money to keep the rest of you going, I am the most important.”

Of course, everyone got into the arguments and the heart, lungs, and ears all say the same thing.

Finally, the asshole spoke up and pointed that he was the most important even though the others didn’t know it. All the other laughed and laughed to think of an asshole being boss.

The asshole decided to prove the point and refused to function. Blocked up tight.

Soon the brain was feverish, the eyes crossed and ached, the feet were too weak to walk, the hands hung limply at the sides, and the heart and lungs struggled to keep going.

All pleaded with the asshole to relent and agreed that the asshole was the most important and so it happened
Click to expand...
What an asshole
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top