How do you deal with depression and loss?

I've had a rough couple of years. My mom died during the height of covid lockdown (we didn't get to have a funeral for her), another close family member and a great friend both died in 21. Now it looks very likely that my almost decade long relationship with my girlfriend is coming to an end. I've always been prone to anxiety and depression, but I must admit that I seem to have exceeded my ability to cope with my current situation. I don't have any suicidal ideation, I just don't feel capable of being a functional human being right now.
So now my question to you, how do you cope when things get to be too much? How do you get through your day while trying to let your heart heal?
Hope you're all having a great day and thanks for reading.

try to get someone to talk to like a therapist. for at home easy positive coping tools, I use a free app called Insight Timer and they have everything you need for what ever issues you have. you can try mediation, search grief and there are hundreds of mentoring, courses, work shops, mindful help, sleep music,. I just typed in grief and selected tracks and found a long list of guided talks help and they vary in time from short 2 min to like 20 min. Then you can type in relationships and look for more and so on and so on. I love insight timer and use it daily. Meditation is proven to heal you and help you cope with what life throws at you. My best wishes to you and hope that this note to you helps ease your pain a little. Take CAre

NanoGadget said:

I've had a rough couple of years. My mom died during the height of covid lockdown (we didn't get to have a funeral for her), another close family member and a great friend both died in 21. Now it looks very likely that my almost decade long relationship with my girlfriend is coming to an end. I've always been prone to anxiety and depression, but I must admit that I seem to have exceeded my ability to cope with my current situation. I don't have any suicidal ideation, I just don't feel capable of being a functional human being right now.
So now my question to you, how do you cope when things get to be too much? How do you get through your day while trying to let your heart heal?
Hope you're all having a great day and thanks for reading.

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The last few years have been tough on everyone, you arent alone there.
Do your own things... Regain sight of what makes you happy and content.
My vegetable garden, and pets are my go to if i am looking for something. Staying busy is probably the most important thing for my mental health.

I didn’t “like” your having problems,
I liked how you are open to share them.

For me grief is best managed after drifting through all the thoughts and memories triggered by day to day life.
Once I realized these memories are never ending; I tried to steer them towards the happy memories.
The ones I never want to lose.

After a while (for me it was years)
I was able to filter out all the bad and I’m left with only good memories.
Ones I don’t mind visiting from time to time.

Try to find a way to remember, that helps you today-instead of derailing and depressing you.

Pretty vague, I know.
It’s just what works for me.

Give it time, with no deadline.

Never hesitate to reach out.
Don’t let it get too bad,
you deserve the help.

My dad passed away a few years ago man a week after my grandma passed it was hard and still is every day. there’s part of me that feels like I need to be some way or do something in my life to honor my father and other parts of me that are just angry about it. that was seven years ago this year and it’s just as fresh as it was then I don’t have many techniques on how to handle trauma and get over loss I think we just live and become more comfortable with the acceptance that they are gone and develop the skills as we go. They’re are some times when I can’t acknowledge my dad or some of my memories of our times together it hurts a lot and sometimes I hope I don’t ever get over it I know it’s not healthy but it’s how I deal with it. I know for a while my grief showed in other things like my attitude and actions and I didn’t really start to heal till I had a conversation with myself about what I want in my life and how he would’ve wanted me to live my life. Talking and acceptance are the only things I can truly recommend

First off I am sorry for your loss. My mom almost died of COVID, there was a solid week where the hospital said she might not make it. I have lost 3 very close people to me in the last year to tragic accidents, my dog of 10 years just was put down 3 days ago due to cancer and on the same day my dog was put down my friend died in a motorcycle crash hitting a deer.

To put the icing on the cake I explained my situation to my doctor and he said we need to take my Anxiety medication because who knows maybe he thought I was going to chug the bottle or something due to all the recent shit that has happened. That hasn't been fun, coming off meds I've taken for 5 years like vitamins.

I will start by saying it is not easy to deal with loss, grief, depression or anxiety. One major thing that helps me get through death and loss of loved ones is think of it like this. Those loved ones do not want you living sad, depressed, sick, debilitated emotionally. They want you to be happy, remember the good times and enjoy YOUR life which is not going to last forever either. I know that is a hard pill to swallow cause it was for me as well.

It's all in your mindset, your loved ones do not want you feeling sad/miserable/sick so you should try your best to feel good, if you cry try to turn it to tears of joy remembering the good times with them. Ultimately I would look into a counselor/therapy they have grief counselors that can really greatly help you process this type of shit. I plan to go to one myself.

Just think to yourself how would you want your mom to feel if you died, you wouldn't want her sick and mentally debilitated. Life is here to be enjoyed until it's gone. We honor and respect the ones who passed and in their honor move forward.

I hope you find peace with your situation, it is not easy.

Thank-you all for the kind words and thoughtful suggestion. I'll keep all of them in mind as I work through this. It's going to be difficult, my girlfriend is one of the few people I've known who truly knows and understands me and has been a massive support to me as I've struggled with my mental health. I feel like the ground has fallen out from under me. I'm going to have to find strength in myself. Hope you're all having a great day.

NanoGadget said:

I've had a rough couple of years. My mom died during the height of covid lockdown (we didn't get to have a funeral for her), another close family member and a great friend both died in 21. Now it looks very likely that my almost decade long relationship with my girlfriend is coming to an end. I've always been prone to anxiety and depression, but I must admit that I seem to have exceeded my ability to cope with my current situation. I don't have any suicidal ideation, I just don't feel capable of being a functional human being right now.
So now my question to you, how do you cope when things get to be too much? How do you get through your day while trying to let your heart heal?
Hope you're all having a great day and thanks for reading.

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Life can be such a cluster-fuck . Plucked from the infinite and thrown into a f'ing shredder! Loss / death , such a main theme of life. You're either a " swimmer " ,who cracks on and adapts or a sinker. It's willpower that moves you through the dark winds to higher ground. Lots of soul and body scars out there. Crack on stoner dude ...........heal and exhale. Things have a way of working out ( I know how bad it can hurt ) ! You be f'ing cool as ya can , grace under pressure.

It's stuff that's out of your control. Accept your powerlessness in the grand scheme of the universe. Exercise, grow, produce, build. That's what makes life worth living. Don't poison yourself with substances trying to kill the pain. Friends will help you through adverse times better than anything. Sometimes if I'm really sad I'll go down to the rail yard, find a hobo, and kill him with a hammer.

NanoGadget said:

Thank-you all for the kind words and thoughtful suggestion. I'll keep all of them in mind as I work through this. It's going to be difficult, my girlfriend is one of the few people I've known who truly knows and understands me and has been a massive support to me as I've struggled with my mental health. I feel like the ground has fallen out from under me. I'm going to have to find strength in myself. Hope you're all having a great day.

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Thank her for the support.
It goes a long way, knowing your appreciated.

We all get desperate when we dont know what to do. We dont know what we like or are what we are good at- Some need to be a role model for their own offspring. then we become a wreck......

The doctor says its my unbalanced nervous system and I need to relax but I do not know how.

Time is running out and I have no friends and dont trust anyone anymore. With family, it is everyone for themself and all for God and I dont know how to deal with that.

So of course depression sets in and one loses SELF ESTEEM:

It is common lately and you are certainly not alone (if that is any consolation).

------------------------------

Self esteem starts with knowing yourself (as most people do not). This comes to me with a type of meditation (solitude and relaxation)................
One needs a self worth that is independent of opinions and judgements of others of the past. Especially those who leave us in one way or another. It shows little or no long lasting loyalty.

Value comes from just being- not from your history of actions. Once a shift in self-perception occurs from a source of meditation- Then self esteem will let you see your own unique talents and passions.
From there things then fall into place.

thats what I think- and you will be fine

best regards..................

Fuck it.....booze , drugs and as the McLouds have said in Scotlland for a thousand years , " Hold Tight "..........meaning , don't let go of that fucking bull's horns or else he will fuck you up ! Ya swim and crack-on or ya f'ing spiral and end up in Crazytown.
" Things change Kun-Dun " .

.

My doctor's given me a good bit of advice that's helped me over the past 3 years - don't let yourself think about the first time you found out about your tragedy. Helps.

I keep from dwelling on tragedy by pushing the pain down my chest and into my stomach. Helps.

.

Exercise is always good, as is good nutrition. It seems basic, but these 2 things really make a difference in the way you feel. Even if it's just getting out for a mile long walk every day.

Feel better...It HAS been a rough couple years for everyone!!

NanoGadget said:

I've had a rough couple of years. My mom died during the height of covid lockdown (we didn't get to have a funeral for her), another close family member and a great friend both died in 21. Now it looks very likely that my almost decade long relationship with my girlfriend is coming to an end. I've always been prone to anxiety and depression, but I must admit that I seem to have exceeded my ability to cope with my current situation. I don't have any suicidal ideation, I just don't feel capable of being a functional human being right now.
So now my question to you, how do you cope when things get to be too much? How do you get through your day while trying to let your heart heal?
Hope you're all having a great day and thanks for reading.

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How do I cope?

Short answer is mushrooms.

Long answer is knowing that I don't struggle alone. Your post helped me with my own depression. You being open helps me feel open. So thank you for sharing.

What's up man. I know what you mean. I went upstairs to find my 31 year old wife dropped dead, heart something. Then I became close with her aunt and 6 months later she died 54 years old sepsis, then I became close with my cousins partner we were planning a grow operations but then he drowned 36 years old. Wtf I said. You have to just breath that's all man, some day you will get up and do shit but it all gets easier. Finding a bereavement group is a great direction

Beesbuds said:

What's up man. I know what you mean. I went upstairs to find my 31 year old wife dropped dead, heart something. Then I became close with her aunt and 6 months later she died 54 years old sepsis, then I became close with my cousins partner we were planning a grow operations but then he drowned 36 years old. Wtf I said. You have to just breath that's all man, some day you will get up and do shit but it all gets easier. Finding a bereavement group is a great direction

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sorry for your losses.
It was your advice and frame of mind I liked.
It will get better.

So I re read all these posts today...I read them in July as life was happening and I felt like I was losing my wife and my marriage was over..fast forward to October 16 after a very long summer of arguments and struggling she od'd on fent and is now been gone 6 weeks...it was devastating at the time but has been getting better over time. Losing her was gonna hurt I knew that. I wasn't expecting it but here I am,still here and still kicking.. sometimes all you can do is dig in and hold on..all things must pass

Puff on a fat blunt.

There are some hard truths, we are all alone really, nobody really understands you, hell, they don't understand themselves... and we all die.
Just breath through the hard bits and light up another joint.