YO! Bob Zmuda check in

[lokie]

Oh no, I've had a kid and raised more. Small pieces are just easier to deal with.

can you hit a microwave across the room?








Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

 

[GreatwhiteNorth]

RIP Dr. Henry Judah Heimlich
February 3, 1920 – December 17, 2016

 

[ttystikk]

RIP Dr. Henry Judah Heimlich
February 3, 1920 – December 17, 2016

...whom, if he was lucky, licked a hind or two in his time.

 

[april]

Oh no, I've had a kid and raised more. Small pieces are just easier to deal with.

Ur lucky if u never had a scare! We always give her bite size pieces and normally she eats properly but occasionally she decides she's a squirrel and just packs it in lol

 

[ttystikk]

Ur lucky if u never had a scare! We always give her bite size pieces and normally she eats properly but occasionally she decides she's a squirrel and just packs it in lol

Scares galore, where do you think I got all this gray hair?!

Just ask me about the apartment complex pool sometime. FOOK.

 

[Bob Zmuda]

The entire world is suddenly a scary place. LOL

Choking hazards/electric cords, stranger danger, SIDS, Transvaginal mesh, mesolthelioma etc.

 

[Gary Goodson]

I love teh lil ones. My buddy comes over and I encourage his baby girl to fuck shit up over here. I think its funny and everything in this house can be replaced. But he gets mad at me lol Im like why cant she fuck MY shit up? huh? He says "because then she goes home and wants to fuck my shit up too!!" Im like

LMAO

He told me she stuck a quarter in his trucks cd player lololololol I said "who still uses cd's anyway?" He called me an asshole but I couldn't stop laughing.

 

[whitebb2727]

Awesome compilation of hero dads. My two greatest moments to add to that is when my boy just turned 3 and was eating hot dogs in mac & cheese. We were sitting there laughing, I got up to get some juice and come back to see him turning blue and holding his face. I patted him roughly on the back, nothing. Then I remembered the heimlich maneuver modified for toddlers/infants. One good thrust and that piece of macaroni-covered hot dog flew about 8 feet right into the open microwave. The other time is when he was 6 yo: it was cold and icy outside when we walked my mom to the bus stop and waited with her after she babysat. I was talking with her when my kid said, 'Dad, look at me!' I turned around to see him standing on top of one of those tall mailboxes (the ones with no slot that the public can't open). I was just about to say to get down when his boot slipped out from under him and fell backward head first with alarming speed. I took one step and caught the back of his jacket when his head was about 4 inches from the ground. It was a strangely gentle landing. My mom was in shock at the reflex, and I felt like Batman. They keep you on your toes. Good luck, Bob

My first was about 3 and got away from her mom. She ran towards the road on the opposite side of the car from me. I had our second child in my hands. My daughter was almost to the road and a big van was coming. The timing was such that I was for sure fixing to see my kid killed. I couldn't make it to her in time so I stuck my leg out and clothes lined her. She cried and I know it hurt but it saved her.

 

[whitebb2727]

I love teh lil ones. My buddy comes over and I encourage his baby girl to fuck shit up over here. I think its funny and everything in this house can be replaced. But he gets mad at me lol Im like why cant she fuck MY shit up? huh? He says "because then she goes home and wants to fuck my shit up too!!" Im like

LMAO

He told me she stuck a quarter in his trucks cd player lololololol I said "who still uses cd's anyway?" He called me an asshole but I couldn't stop laughing.

Lol.

I have to take the cd player out of my van and remove a nickel my youngest stuck in there.

 

[ttystikk]

My first was about 3 and got away from her mom. She ran towards the road on the opposite side of the car from me. I had our second child in my hands. My daughter was almost to the road and a big van was coming. The timing was such that I was for sure fixing to see my kid killed. I couldn't make it to her in time so I stuck my leg out and clothes lined her. She cried and I know it hurt but it saved her.

Pain can teach valuable lessons, as long as it isn't mortal.

 

[tyler.durden]

My first was about 3 and got away from her mom. She ran towards the road on the opposite side of the car from me. I had our second child in my hands. My daughter was almost to the road and a big van was coming. The timing was such that I was for sure fixing to see my kid killed. I couldn't make it to her in time so I stuck my leg out and clothes lined her. She cried and I know it hurt but it saved her.

That is a great excuse for kicking your kid in the head, I'm gonna use that one. J/K, great job, dad

 

[srh88]

Lol.

I have to take the cd player out of my van and remove a nickel my youngest stuck in there.

cant blame you.. id think my cd player was broken too if it was playing this garbage

 

[april]

Scares galore, where do you think I got all this gray hair?!

Just ask me about the apartment complex pool sometime. FOOK.

Oh do tell...

 

[tangerinegreen555]

Most of my scarey moments were from illnesses. When my youngest was 4 or 5 months, she got a fever with tiny purple specks all over her. We freaked, called her Dr. who said take her to Children's Hospital.

They kept her (us) overnight and after blood work said she was OK. I called my parents who were staying down south in winters, my mom was an RN and insisted my dad drive immediately 14 hrs to the hospital.

But everything ended just fine. My mom then ran done a list of 15 diseases she could have had and stressed me out again. Lol.

You're always going to worry about your kids, people. Get used to it.

 

[GreatwhiteNorth]

Can't tell you how many army men, pieces of toast & hotwheels I've had to pull out of VCR's over the years (for those of you whom don't even remember CD players I can't help you there).

It's a wild ride, buckle up buttercup.

 

[GreatwhiteNorth]

Scares galore, where do you think I got all this gray hair?!

Just ask me about the apartment complex pool sometime. FOOK.

Grey hair - I'll match ya on that one.



Pools? Mrs. GWN worked at a large resort in Key West when I was stationed there - Christmas party, we're in the pool with our 3 (at the time) kids with all the other employees when she asked me where our son (5 year old) was, a quick spin around shows my boy really big eyed about 3' under looking up @ me.
Seconds before he was scooting along the edge of the pool hanging on to the drain channel having a blast.

Shit happens quick, he's in his 30's now - pay attention.

 

[Indacouch]

I've taken cup of soup off my 5 year olds food intake list ....with all kinds of delicious stuff at the house he wants damn cup of soup and sponge bob on DVR ......but he eats the damn noodles so fast it's like swallowing a sponge ....so after a few good gut squeezes from dad to help unclog his throat I've banned cup of soup for good .....of course he told mom immediately and instead of telling her he's almost died 7 times when she's been out and about ....I simply said ok babe you watch him when he eats it then ........momma knows dad doesn't make big deals about falls and bumps and bruises or anything really ,I just tell him to shake it off ....so my deep concern for no cup of soup made her ask the lil guy why .....he told his mom because dad had to save me from seeing jesus a bunch of times while you were gone ........kids say the darnedest things..lol

 

[curious2garden]

Grey hair - I'll match ya on that one.

View attachment 3869266

Pools? Mrs. GWN worked at a large resort in Key West when I was stationed there - Christmas party, we're in the pool with our 3 (at the time) kids with all the other employees when she asked me where our son (5 year old) was, a quick spin around shows my boy really big eyed about 3' under looking up @ me.
Seconds before he was scooting along the edge of the pool hanging on to the drain channel having a blast.

Shit happens quick, he's in his 30's now - pay attention.

I prefer the picture of you looking like you are 12 winning the beer drinking competition LOL

 

[tangerinegreen555]

Grey hair - I'll match ya on that one.

View attachment 3869266

Pools? Mrs. GWN worked at a large resort in Key West when I was stationed there - Christmas party, we're in the pool with our 3 (at the time) kids with all the other employees when she asked me where our son (5 year old) was, a quick spin around shows my boy really big eyed about 3' under looking up @ me.
Seconds before he was scooting along the edge of the pool hanging on to the drain channel having a blast.

Shit happens quick, he's in his 30's now - pay attention.

I love that pic. It's so relaxing to stare at plants, isn't it?

 

[srh88]

I love that pic. It's so relaxing to stare at plants, isn't it?

i still remember my first few grows.. id just sit in front of my tent for hours watching the grass grow