theloadeddragon
Well-Known Member
Pouring out my heart in four minutes? Yes thats what Im going to do, because my heart doesnt agree with much of anything that is published. I apologize. My heart has its own disposition. So confused, full of desires, regrets, and uncertainty; is my heart. I wish that I could find a journal entry for some lost child; I would read it to you instead of this. If you were to read a few of my latest journal entries, you would find this statement repeated: I always have this feeling like a lost child in a supermarket; scared and unsure and in an unfamiliar position and place, where I am surrounded by all of these things that I desire, that I cant reach, that Im always told to put back, nothing is mine, because I dont have the means (or money) to attain it.
So as a lost child all that I would want to do is find my parents, or find the means, or get to an exit. Find someone that will give it all to me, or separate myself and become a zombie, or scream cry and tantrum until Im out of the store and over it. But as a young man, my heart wants love, and to love. It wants knowledge, understanding, and acceptance. This world full of its creeds, its greeds, its divisions and sects burns holes of anger and despair into my heart. This world and my understanding and knowledge of its various systems and conditions, and their causes, shoots out torrents of raging fear to grip me, causes my heart to desire a disassociation with humanity. But that would be in conflict with the afore mentioned desires, and my fundamental or innate drive to love people, one of my most compassionate holdings of the heart.
I have over the years coined for myself the phrase profound understanding. If your understand the two of theses words and their power, and what they mean together, than nothing is left to be said about it, other than that is another fervent drive in the holdings of my heart (Im going to write a book about Profound Understanding some day. Educational, governmental, religious, commercial, social, political, philosophical, philanthropic etc. groups all over the place, every where, in every corner and every thought of every person, are the divisions of the same element that is humanity. I fall in none of them, I am me, and I have never found myself not in conflict with the goals or aims or activities of anyone or anything.
I identify with music, and I identify with feelings, those are what my heart feels. I can identify with the general disposition of every person on a personal level only in the fact that I feel as though I am in the same place. As just another lost child in an immense mall or grocery store reaching out for whatever is good that I might find my hands on, a sense of purity, reality, belonging, and truth, love, justice, understanding, and friendship.
I looked through books and magazines, periodicals and all over the internet. I thought of famous speeches, and I looked over reference materials. I couldnt find a single thing that I could say really identifies or agrees with what would come from my heart. So I wrote this. So I give you my thesis in the end rather than in the beginning: I love the world, and I love people, but I truly despise what people are doing in the world, so I am a dissident of our actions as a unified group, and in compliance with the goodness of our hearts and souls.
So as a lost child all that I would want to do is find my parents, or find the means, or get to an exit. Find someone that will give it all to me, or separate myself and become a zombie, or scream cry and tantrum until Im out of the store and over it. But as a young man, my heart wants love, and to love. It wants knowledge, understanding, and acceptance. This world full of its creeds, its greeds, its divisions and sects burns holes of anger and despair into my heart. This world and my understanding and knowledge of its various systems and conditions, and their causes, shoots out torrents of raging fear to grip me, causes my heart to desire a disassociation with humanity. But that would be in conflict with the afore mentioned desires, and my fundamental or innate drive to love people, one of my most compassionate holdings of the heart.
I have over the years coined for myself the phrase profound understanding. If your understand the two of theses words and their power, and what they mean together, than nothing is left to be said about it, other than that is another fervent drive in the holdings of my heart (Im going to write a book about Profound Understanding some day. Educational, governmental, religious, commercial, social, political, philosophical, philanthropic etc. groups all over the place, every where, in every corner and every thought of every person, are the divisions of the same element that is humanity. I fall in none of them, I am me, and I have never found myself not in conflict with the goals or aims or activities of anyone or anything.
I identify with music, and I identify with feelings, those are what my heart feels. I can identify with the general disposition of every person on a personal level only in the fact that I feel as though I am in the same place. As just another lost child in an immense mall or grocery store reaching out for whatever is good that I might find my hands on, a sense of purity, reality, belonging, and truth, love, justice, understanding, and friendship.
I looked through books and magazines, periodicals and all over the internet. I thought of famous speeches, and I looked over reference materials. I couldnt find a single thing that I could say really identifies or agrees with what would come from my heart. So I wrote this. So I give you my thesis in the end rather than in the beginning: I love the world, and I love people, but I truly despise what people are doing in the world, so I am a dissident of our actions as a unified group, and in compliance with the goodness of our hearts and souls.