Darwin awards-the most creative ways of offing yourself

Got this email and lmao. I know that it is wrong but... and I didn't check to see if they were real. I do remember the 2080 Darwins... lol.

2010 DARWIN AWARDS

You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without
further ado, here are the 2010 Darwin Awards.

Eighth Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two
feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide
sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned
when he ran", accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on
his daily run.

Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for
protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair
at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of
sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels
trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue
workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones
was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the
ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was
caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to
keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit
the floor.

Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with
friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the
front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on
robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a
uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the
officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few
wild shots from a target pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several
customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was
pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene
investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the
shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot
wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different
weapons. No one else was hurt.

HONOURABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving
around at 2 A.M. So they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss
out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed
to notice that the window was closed.

RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one
of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a
local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew
more excited, and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of
the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the
bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope.
Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out
that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end
around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His
fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot
off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy
water and was re scued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot
was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS....
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn , Germany) fed his
constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up
pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated
Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an
olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.

The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation
knocked Mr Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a
rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on
top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents
that proves... 'Shit happens'

IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING
THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL.

lol elephant pewp

Good chuckle in the morning, thanks for posting. +rep

Love you southern michigan women Emmet county here

+rep

This year's Darwin Award went to the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine, which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.


Near the top of one of the Windy City's mighty skyscrapers, a twenty-nine-year-old attorney named Reginald was locked in a heated dispute with one of his colleagues. "They were arguing about the Olympics," remarked the firm's controller. Determined to settle the aspect under discussion, the two friends decided to have a race down a long hallway on the thirty-ninth floor of the building.

On the way down the hall, Reginald, who was not wearing his contacts due to a scratched cornea, lost his perspective and crashed through a plate-glass window. He fell thirty-eight* stories before striking the pavement, at which point his velocity was zero. A moment before he terminated his 6-second freefall, however, his velocity was approximately 94 miles per hour in a vertical direction. The abrupt velocity change proved too much for Reginald to withstand, and he promptly died.

This fatality marks the first recorded manifestation of so-called "Olympic Fever," previously believed to be a mythical creation of the National Broadcasting Company.

*Beginning as he did at the bottom of the thirty-ninth floor, he technically fell only thirty-eight stories, or thirty-seven if the 13th floor was absent, as is sometimes the case.

A police officer was trying to show another patrolman how their fellow officer accidentally killed himself, by reenacting the shooting incident a week later. But the 20-year veteran forgot to unload his .357 Magnum and wound up shooting himself in the stomach. He died in a car crash while driving himself to the hospital.




A small-time hood (about to be even smaller) broke into the home of a World War Two veteran and stole, among other things, the old G.I.'s .45 automatic pistol, which he used in battle in the 1940's. The hoodlum then reported directly to a local convenience store and proceeded to rob the cashier while brandishing his new pistol. The cashier, no dummy, followed orders and handed over the contents of the register.

Our thug took the money and turned to leave, but suddenly decided he didn't want to leave a witnesses... other than the security camera, that is. He leveled the pistol at the cashier and pulled the trigger.

"CLICK!" went the gun.

At this unexpected development, the puzzled crook looked straight down the barrel of his weapon and uttered the words, "What the...?"

As it turned out, the WWII veteran had WWII vintage ammunition in his WWII vintage pistol. Priming caps over time are known to lose their "spontaneous" nature, particularly if stored improperly, causing what is known as a hang-fire: The primer smolders into a delayed ignition.

Such was the case here.

Just as the puzzled crook had the barrel pointed squarely at his own eye, the hang-fired primer detonated, sending a half-inch chunk of lead and associated hot combustion gases directly into the felon's skull at 900 feet per second.

The range was less than six inches.
The body could only be identified by fingerprints.

As the story was related to me, the police officer who responded to the original gun burglary was also at the scene of the armed robbery. He picked up the .45 and verified the serial number, then returned it to the WWII veteran.

Case closed.

Third place getter ... lol, I would love to have seen the look on his face the split second after he realised what he had just brought down on himself.

I thought the Honorable mention was great.

A dumb ass not to far from me died from putting a half stick in someones mail box and the vehicle stalled when he tried to take off.

The mail box went off like a grenade.

Found another. Glad you enjoyed I wondered if I was being a little morbid.

Human Popsicle

[SIZE=-1]2000 Darwin Award Runner-Up [/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1]Confirmed by Darwin[/SIZE]


(24 January 2000, Ohio) The Los Angeles Police Department contacted Ohio police hoping to locate a missing truck driver and his load of broccoli. The stalled truck was located four days later and towed to a local mechanic. They thawed and refueled the truck and found that, apart from an empty gas tank, the vehicle had no mechanical problems. The driver's personal effects and seven bricks of marijuana were discovered in the cab of the vehicle.
The trucking company and the police were both interested in the whereabouts of the errant driver, and a search was initiated. Shortly thereafter a patrolman noticed two feet protruding between the pallets of broccoli -- feet which belonged to the missing man. The broccoli was unloaded as quickly as possible in the cold Ohio winter, leaving the frozen body of the driver standing precisely upside down, attached to the floor of the trailer by his head. He was surrounded by space heaters and eventually pried off the floor, but his frozen corpse had to be turned on its side to load it into a rescue squad vehicle, as his arm was sticking out and wouldn't fit through the door. The Cuyahoga County coroner's office determined that the man was trying to retrieve a stash of cocaine from between the pallets of broccoli when he fell and knocked himself unconscious. He soon suffered from a fatal case of hypothermia and died in the icy air. Perhaps he should have confined his drug smuggling to the more clement climate of California.

I hope all those people didn't have children or else the world is fucked.