First grow, please critique.

cosmokramer421

Active Member
Size: spare bedroom
Plants: 14
Nutrients: 3 tablespoons epson salt, 2 tablespoons powder sugar, miracle grow 20-20-20, occasionally pickles that I remove from my burger king. Mixed with 3 gallons of liquid solution
Lighting Spot light that I used for delivering pizza. Led Christmas lights. High Pressured Halogen. An array of various flashlights that run off those fat D batteries. Some keychain flashlights with the buttons taped down. A 6 watt cfl. A black light, and I also set my nintendo wii up next to my plants, because it glows when it has updates.
24-7 lighting for veg, switching to 48 hours on, 48 hours off for flowering

I germinated my seed, using the beach towel method. I poored laundry detergent on a beach towel, and put my seeds in there. It grew some pretty good dank, it loked like a white worm connected to the seed, it got me baked. So then I germinated another one by letting it sit in a shotglass til it sunk. I used captain morgans rum, because I heard sugars are good for plants, and rum is sugarry. After a while it was time for planting.

As far as soil, I've been using a mixture of dirt from my backyard, and soil that I stole from my friends' aloe houseplant. I poored a bag of that blue powder crystally fertilizer into my soil, and shook it up really good. I I spread the soil over my carpet and spit some seeds i was chewing on to the floor, and also planted my shotglass seed, along with a few others. After about 48 hours they sprouted. About 14 hope-to-be-females.

I've been watering with hydrogen peroxide, gasoline and acetone (to try to take the green out of my buds). I do not use any water whatsoever, because I heard i can overwater, that's why i used gasoline. the hydrogen peroxide is so my roots get oxygen. I think I might steal my grandma's oxygen tank, and maybe burn a hole into the side of it with a blow torch, for more oxygen.

At about 1 week I had a real dank plant, It had like 3 fingered leaves, seriously unbelievable, I couldn't help but smoke it, I got so high that I didn't even feel it, if that makes sense. Basically I got so high that I got a headache, and didn't get high. So now I'm down to 13 plants.

I transplanted one of the plants and began the banana method. I took a banana, unpeeled it about half way, removed the banana and filled it with soil. I transplanted the plant into this banana. I then put it inside my ant farm, because the sand in there will help with drainage.

At approximately 3 weeks, i began low stress training. I've been yelling at my plant several times a day. I've been letting him know that he was an unwanted seed. I informed him that he wsa a mistake, and that his father was killed shortly after fertilization of his mother. After stress training, I feed with a low dose of xanax, to increase recovery time.

My friends have been telling me about topping, to reduce vertical growth. I was thinking of using something like this. http://teststore.acomhosting.com/cubecart/images/uploads/strawsunhat.jpg
I would have to wait til the plants get a little bigger of course.

I tried to clone one of my plants using gel, AND powder. I took a pair of rusty scissors that were laying in the garage, and cut a branch off my plant. I stuck it in some sexual lubricant gel that I got at the sex shop (same place i buy my bongs.) I also poored some powder on it. I got the powder from a letter i received in the mail. The letter read "from iraq" iraq has some of the dankest marijuana i've heard.

I heard that if I start taking birth control, that I get a better chance of females. So, I'm going to steal some of my sisters birth control, and eat the whole tray, and then change my light schedule to start flowering.

I was wondering if anyone has any advice they can give me. Sorry no pictures. :(
 

itzCESAR*

Well-Known Member
+rep for making me laugh harder than I ever have on this forum. Kudos man, and keep up that awesome grow.
 

lyndonm33

Well-Known Member
hahahha too funny dude......birth control....too funny..

"
At about 1 week I had a real dank plant, It had like 3 fingered leaves, seriously unbelievable, I couldn't help but smoke it, I got so high that I didn't even feel it, if that makes sense. Basically I got so high that I got a headache, and didn't get high. So now I'm down to 13 plants."..........
so classic
 

itzCESAR*

Well-Known Member
Lighting Spot light that I used for delivering pizza. Led Christmas lights. High Pressured Halogen. An array of various flashlights that run off those fat D batteries. Some keychain flashlights with the buttons taped down. A 6 watt cfl. A black light, and I also set my nintendo wii up next to my plants, because it glows when it has updates.
24-7 lighting for veg, switching to 48 hours on, 48 hours off for flowering




At approximately 3 weeks, i began low stress training. I've been yelling at my plant several times a day. I've been letting him know that he was an unwanted seed. I informed him that he wsa a mistake, and that his father was killed shortly after fertilization of his mother. After stress training, I feed with a low dose of xanax, to increase recovery time.
Those parts had me LMAO :clap:
 
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