I'm an awesome chef, I can make a mean poptart...
- Thread starter Diabolical666
- Start date
Ninjabowler
Well-Known Member
How to make a macdonalds fucking cheeseburger.
-go to the grocery store and buy the cheapest tiny hamburger patties and white generic barely cooked bread bun in the store, sliced pickles, an onion, american processed cheese, and ketchup and mustard.
-go the fuck home to your bitchy ass wife and your screaming ass kids who youd just love to walk around the house and round house. Then smoke a joint in the garage. Come in feeling relaxed and kiss the wife, pat the screaming kids on the head, and tell them were having macdonalds style cheese burgers for diner
-the only prep work youll have to do is dicing the onions into tiny little cubes. Macdonalds buys them already cut up which is just the way they do business but your broke ass cant afford that so pull out the cutting board and dont get any blood in the finished product.
-half way thaw out those burger patties and cook them in a pan, the quality of cooking doesnt really matter, in fact, the less sear on the burger the better.
-after the burgers "cooked", assembly is the only job and its so god damn easy even your stoned ass cant fuck it up
-bottom bun and top bun laying open you begin, on the bottom of the bun goes the patty and the cheese. Following so far? On the top goes the ketchup and mustard first, a large pinch of the tiny diced up onions (tiny you hack chef! Not small!), and then the three pickle slices unless their really big slices and then its two. Whaaaaaamy! Slam those two haves together and youve done it slugger.
-garnish with a cup full of ice and coca-cola.
-when your ungreatfull family is stuffing these down their sass holes theyll only be able to say "wow dad! These taste just like the real thing!" And just then youll reallize that the real thing only costs a 89cents a piece and youd have spent less money just buying them instead of spending all that money you could have spent on beer. But at least you might be able to get a blow job from the wife and your kids will forgive you for getting so trashed at thanksgiving diner that you threw up red wine all over the table in front of your asshole mother in law.
Growan
Well-Known Member
That's the way I'm gonna do it next time.How to make a macdonalds fucking cheeseburger.
-go to the grocery store and buy the cheapest tiny hamburger patties and white generic barely cooked bread bun in the store, sliced pickles, an onion, american processed cheese, and ketchup and mustard.
-go the fuck home to your bitchy ass wife and your screaming ass kids who youd just love to walk around the house and round house. Then smoke a joint in the garage. Come in feeling relaxed and kiss the wife, pat the screaming kids on the head, and tell them were having macdonalds style cheese burgers for diner
-the only prep work youll have to do is dicing the onions into tiny little cubes. Macdonalds buys them already cut up which is just the way they do business but your broke ass cant afford that so pull out the cutting board and dont get any blood in the finished product.
-half way thaw out those burger patties and cook them in a pan, the quality of cooking doesnt really matter, in fact, the less sear on the burger the better.
-after the burgers "cooked", assembly is the only job and its so god damn easy even your stoned ass cant fuck it up
-bottom bun and top bun laying open you begin, on the bottom of the bun goes the patty and the cheese. Following so far? On the top goes the ketchup and mustard first, a large pinch of the tiny diced up onions (tiny you hack chef! Not small!), and then the three pickle slices unless their really big slices and then its two. Whaaaaaamy! Slam those two haves together and youve done it slugger.
-garnish with a cup full of ice and coca-cola.
-when your ungreatfull family is stuffing these down their sass holes theyll only be able to say "wow dad! These taste just like the real thing!" And just then youll reallize that the real thing only costs a 89cents a piece and youd have spent less money just buying them instead of spending all that money you could have spent on beer. But at least you might be able to get a blow job from the wife and your kids will forgive you for getting so trashed at thanksgiving diner that you threw up red wine all over the table in front of your asshole mother in law.
Skuxx
Well-Known Member
Ninjabowler
Well-Known Member
They really do taste like the real thing. Its scary if you get it just right how the nostalgia bitch slaps you in the mouth. I havent had one in years in fear of instantly developing a tumor on my small intestine, but i do love the calculated taste of them
Indagrow
Well-Known Member
Frozen eggo:
Wait patiently to be invited to a party whilst amassing your hunger
Go into the back door of said party (kitchen entrance)
Laugh at how shitty their food/party/house is
Open the freezer as fast as possible projecting all their magnets and ugly family members pictures into the sink
STOP
Okay start again thought I herd something
Find the eggos and they are there don't you fucking give up you already did all this food prep
Take the frost bitten eggo out of its crystal crypt
Throw that shit on the ground you don't want that one... You want.... THAT one
Then um you eat the frozen eggo
They are good, you like them, this is nice
Wait patiently to be invited to a party whilst amassing your hunger
Go into the back door of said party (kitchen entrance)
Laugh at how shitty their food/party/house is
Open the freezer as fast as possible projecting all their magnets and ugly family members pictures into the sink
STOP
Okay start again thought I herd something
Find the eggos and they are there don't you fucking give up you already did all this food prep
Take the frost bitten eggo out of its crystal crypt
Throw that shit on the ground you don't want that one... You want.... THAT one
Then um you eat the frozen eggo
They are good, you like them, this is nice
Milovan
Well-Known Member
Your a fucking tart lol!
tart
A nubile young temptress, who dresses teasingly and provocatively.
Man, look at those thigh-high stockings and that little schoolgirl dress. She's such a tart.
tart
A delicious cream or jam filled treat. Or a prostitute.
I could sure go for a tart right now.
tart
A tart is a female who is attractive and has the air of being promiscuous, even if she isn't.
In short, a tart is more of a tease and a flirt than, say, a whore, skank, or slut. All of those words imply putting out, wheras a tart may or may not have a lot of random sex.
Grandma: "Jeff, your new girlfriend Millie is a little tart!"
Jeff: "Whatever, grandma. You're only saying that because she doesn't dress like a Puritan."
tart
A very tasty pastery, or a very tasty prostitute.
wow, look at that tart, she is eating a tart.
Tart prostitute.
Tart is a more pleasant word than slut and is usually applied to a girl, who is pretty and fun-loving. She will have a particular look with bright red lipstick, prominent breasts, often with false eyelashes and fingernail extensions. She is likely to wear a tight miniskirt with high heels (at least 5 inches). She will have a sexy glint in her eyes.
The most delicious tarts are to be found in the Pigalle area of Paris.
tart
NOUN: 1. a pretty girl 2. a woman of questionable reputation but appears to be outwardly decent and good 3. a wanton, teasing woman
ETYMOLOGY: Tart is an actual type. Short for tartlet
TYPES:
Goth tart (sexy pop Goth girl), Blonde tart, Punk tart (a sexy punk rock girl)
No matter how hard he tried, Adam was relentless in his pursuit of Kathy, a vindictive little Goth tart who's idea of seduction was listening to Thompson Twins in a graveyard.
tart
A saucy and sassy young woman; a woman who is clever and teasing but not sexually promiscuous; a temptress
(Used as joking affection and not as an insult.)
Why do you have to dispute everything? You are such a little tart!
T.A.R.T's =
Totally Awesome Rockin Tits
Boobs that make you go "OH HOT DAMN".
Oh hot damn mammi, you got some fine ass T.A.R.T's.
That bitch looks foxy in that yellow bikini. Look at the size of those lemon T.A.R.T's.
Tart
1. A woman who dresses and acts in a sexy, flirtatious way but who has a surprising edge; who may seem promiscuous, but is not.
2. Sweet and sharp at the same time.
1. Guy: Hey, you look so hot poured into that little dress. I can see your future, me and you doing it tonight!
Tart (sweetly): Hey, thanks, but I can see YOUR future. You and your hand, doing it again tonight!
Guy: Fuck you!
Tart (sweeter still): not if you were the last asshole on earth!
Tart
An indistinguishable young schoolgirl whom dresses in uniform and behaves in a seemingly innocent manner. Deep down, said girls are usually inexplicably open minded and evil.
Yo dude that tart over there is giving you evils, i think you may have stepped on her foot or something.
tart
A disparraging remark used to describe an attention seeker.
TART FUEL or BITCH PISS -
bottled Alcopops, e.g. Hooch, regularly consumed by young women.
.
Milovan
Well-Known Member
The Outdoorsman
Well-Known Member
Ah very good choice sir but may I interject. All you need to replace/ add is
- cinnamon raisin bagel
-honey nut cream cheese
-pepper jack cheese
-possibly some hot sauce
What? That runny egg is going to drip through the bagel hole? Not a problem. Just grab a napkin, drop your pants and fuck that bagel hole! If done right, top with your very own hollandaise sauce!
Enjoy!
Hookabelly
Well-Known Member
This thread is hilarious
Diabolical666
Well-Known Member
yisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Diabolical666
Well-Known Member
Diabolical666
Well-Known Member
Diabolical666
Well-Known Member
#4 looks like baby squirrels
Ninjabowler
Well-Known Member
Omg, i just read this and had to stifle my laughter for like five straight minutes! People are looking at me asking me if im on mushrooms.......fuck that bagle hole!!! Rotfl!! Im still rotfling!!!
