Lets hear some jokes!

An old thread and if you are the one who started it then thank you! It made me laugh and i figured i would try to bring it back from the grave. Bored, high and in need of a monday cure!

Here's mine.. What did the right nut say to the left nut? This guy in the middle thinks he's hard! hahah

A Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his dick and starts masturbating.
The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!".
The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"

Here is another one.....


A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this..."Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed."

She gets lots of phone calls replying to her ad but none seem perfect til one day there is a knock on her door. She opens the door and is greeted by a man who says "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I can't beat you up and no legs so I can't run away either."
So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"

Bob replies, "I still managed to ring the door bell didn't I?"

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing you already told her twice.

https://www.rollitup.org/stonable-quotables/335745-little-rascals-spelling-bee.html

here is link to a joke i posted in another section, did not get much attention. please laugh.

sirwolf said:

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing you already told her twice.

Click to expand...

haha, nice one

poopoo1964 said:

Here is another one.....


A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this..."Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed."

She gets lots of phone calls replying to her ad but none seem perfect til one day there is a knock on her door. She opens the door and is greeted by a man who says "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I can't beat you up and no legs so I can't run away either."
So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"

Bob replies, "I still managed to ring the door bell didn't I?"

Click to expand...

great stuff,

Heres one more... So a vibrator and a bannana are sitting on the night stand when the bannana says why are you shaking? She's gonna eat me.

I may have already posted this joke on RIU but here it goes again.
There two cannibals eating a clown. One of the cannibals looks at the other one and says "does this taste funny to you?" .

man sits at the table with wife an she says - whens the last time u gave me an orgasm?
man replys - this mornin if im nt mistaken
wife says - ha in ur dreams
man replys - no dear in ur coffee actually!!!!!

Not sure if this is a joke, lesson, or nothing, but here it goes.
There's a father bull and a son bull on top of a hill. The young bull says to his father "common dad, let's run down the hill and fuck one of them cows"
Father bull: " no son"
Son bull: "common dad, why not?"
Father bull: "because we can walk down there and fuck them all"

I'm pretty sure it's a lesson of patience.

old thread.

just heard this and almost died laughing

a woman didn't come home one night. she tells her husband she slept over at a friends house. next morning her husband calls her 10 best friends. none of them knew anything about it. a man didn't come home one night. next morning he tells his wife he slept over at a friend's house. she calls his 10 best friends. 8 of them confirm he slept over and 2 say he's still there.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his dick.
Bartender: Uh, sir, are you aware you got a steering wheel on your dick?
Pirate: Argh, I know, it drives me nuts. hahahaha

Q: How do you know you are a true stoner?
A: When your bong gets washed more than your dishes!

Police Officer: "How high are you?"
Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"

Q: What do you call a pothead with two spliffs?
A: Double jointed.

Q: What do you call one bowl between three tokers ?
A: Malnutrition.

what do you do if an elephant comes thruogh your window?

swim

One vag lip says to the other, "Yo man, why aren't we as tight as we used to be"?

Q what's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable?
A aids

Q what's the hardest thing about eating a vegetable?
A the wheelchair

I got 99 problems but being black ain't one.

Q: Why were minors required to have adult company at the pirate movie?

A: It was rated Aaaarr. cn

A white woman meets a black man at a club and decides to take him home with her. When they get there she says" now show me what u black guys are so famous for". So he stabbed her and took her purse.