I have been suffering from PTSD since I was 15, I am now 25. I was severely assaulted by 10 people at a party for cheating on my girlfriend. She got them all to kick me in the head for roughly 5 minutes and I haven't been the same since(There are numerous other accounts that I am not willing to disclose). I have extreme social anxiety in group settings now. I no longer trust anyone and as a result I have a very hard time making friends, keeping a job and keeping a meaningful relationship with a girlfriend. I am constantly having recurring nightmares of being assaulted by groups of people. I am extremely irritable at times for no apparent reason at all. I am constantly scanning my environment for threats when in public places. I have lost interest in things I used to enjoy such as sports and socialising with people in any way. Feeling detached to those I love and a feeling of emotional numbness when around them, it's like I only feel sadness and anger now. I don't sleep properly any more, I have rare bouts of insomnia since the trauma where I can stay up three days straight. When I do sleep I wake up numerous times every single night and have a hard time falling back to sleep, which leaves me very tired everyday. I have a hard time eating and I am extremely underweight but can't gain any weight no matter how much I try. I feel like I am unwillingly anorexic and feel I have to force myself to eat. I lose pound's of weight every week for no apparent reason even when taking weight gaining supplements. I have been depressed for years now but it's because I have no friends or output of happiness in my life do to my PTSD. It's been ten long years and my symptoms haven't shown any improvement. I did try and get help in one point in time and I have been prescribed all sorts of pills and none of them have done a single thing but make me feel like a zombie or made me even more sick then I already am. I am no longer willing to take pills as a result. I self medicate with marijuana but use very small amounts when doing so. I vaporize maybe .5 of a gram over the course of an entire day, what some people would smoke in one sitting (for the majority of people even more would be used). I used to smoke a lot more but don't seem to enjoy it as much as I used to. I do not use it to get high but to alleviate my symptoms and overall well being. I'm sick of having to deal with criminals in order to get the one thing that helps me cope with life. As a result I don't buy it very often because I feel I am supporting criminal activities and only buy when needed. My current marijuana supplier just got arrested for having sex with under age girls and that was the last straw for me. It's those kinds of people I don't want to be involved with any more. I was gang related growing up, I would be the first to admit I am not an angel myself but I have been trying to better myself over the last 5 years. I have moved 5 hours away and have no longer been in touch with anyone in that circle minus my few very close friends and what they do does not change my opinion on them. What else can I possibly do to alleviate my symptoms other then take pharmaceuticals (that make me worse) and go to support groups that make me feel uncomfortable, either of which don't seem to benefit me at all? Do you think it would be possible for me to get a medical marijuana card in Canada? Please don't offer me a supply or tell me to grow my own please.
Sorry for the huge post and my grammar, it all kinda just spilled out.
Thanks to anyone that responds maturely and with compassion.
Sorry for the huge post and my grammar, it all kinda just spilled out.
Thanks to anyone that responds maturely and with compassion.
