Old Stories

Here's a couple stories that I was told once, by an older man (50-60) in east Texas His name was Danny (my own stories come next)

When he was younger, Danny's dad's job for some reason involved him talking to a bunch of people with strange animals, that they could no longer afford, or were no longer allowed to own...
So he would brings some animals home sometimes. He said they had had pet rabbits, deer, armadillo, but the funnest of all, and the type of animal he continued to love and raise when he got older was monkies


So he used to have a spider monkey, this was when he was like 20something, that would stand on his shoulder, with a chain around it's neck, that he held as a leash. He had long ass hair, and one day he was walking somewhere, and passed a construction site.
All the Mexicans at the construction site were fake flirting, and making fun of him for looking like a girl. But he ignored them...

But he had to walk past them later that day.
The Mexicans did the same thing again, except this time one of them came up to him as if he was going to try to fight him or something.
The dude got in his face, and he let go of the chain. The monkey jumped on the Mexican, bit him in the face, and jumped back on Danny's shoulder, as the Mexican ran away yelling. That shit would hurt like shit...







Ok, monkey story #2

So Danny at another time in his life, had a monkey called a "Kinkajou" (May be spelled wrong) which is a nocturnal bear/monkey...
It has a Bear face, Monkey hand, a monkey tail, and a little bear body. It's up ALL night...
So this thing liked to wrestle right, it would wake him up in the middle of the night, and he said it was like having a little room mate that wanted to play all the time
But it would wake him up all the time

But one day, he came outside, and the neighbor came outside, because the neighbors dog was barking like crazy...
The dog was barking at the monkey, and the monkey was freaking out too.
The neighbor yelled "You better keep your monkey away from my dog" (A German Shepard)
And Danny said back, "You better keep your dog away from my monkey"
And they each took their animals inside...


Then one day, the monkey was in a tree...And these things don't eat meat, but they have natural predators, and they have to protect themselves. Now, what they have is like bear claws, on monkey hands...
So they go for the kill....


The monkey was hanging in a tree...
The dog, unsuspecting, walks under...

The monkey dropped down on the dogs back, ripped its throat out with its hands...
And walked away, maybe into the tree again...







And those are Danny's monkey stories The rest will be my own stories.

Another story from East Texas

It is important to know that the family had babies, one of which was walking around...With a potato in his mouth...
We were sitting in the kitchen smoking a joint...When my friends dad noticed the potato in the babies mouth
...
...
So he yells to his girlfriend/wife "Honey, I thought we were outta taters!!"
She yells back, "We are!"
And his response is "Then why's he gotta tater in 'is mouth!!??"

Now read that out loud. Not just in your head

[video=youtube;AMfVi1_yet8]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMfVi1_yet8[/video]

First time I got high


So I'm 14, and I'm at a friends house...

Before this week, I thought I would die if I smoked ANYTHING, because I have asthma.
But I found a pack of cigarettes, opened, but full and unharmed on the side of the road, with the foil part still closed

Once I smoked that, and weed was offered. I was SOO ready to smoke weed
So I was at my friends house, and his mom an brother (that was the rest of the family) went to sleep.
He started looking around for something, searching in drawers, behind books, everywhere...

I asked what he was looking for and he said "My Mom's weed, it's in a little baggie"
So I started helping him look. We ended up finding it in the drawer in front of/under the computer. It was a little baggie, with about 7g of Reggie in it...He pulled out maybe .1-.2

We both tried out best to roll a joint out of it(Using Christmas bag stuffing paper that his mom had cut perfectly shaped sitting with the weed, and ended up smoking his joint which we declared was better, but still was shitty.
He had smoked before, with and without his mom. But I had never ever smoked before at all. So he told me to hold it in, and how long it was going to take and everything.

I didn't really feel anything, so we went and got a little more weed(like .3 this time), and used an Eclipse tin, gum container, with holes in strategic places, instead of a joint.

So after about 10 minutes it REALLY started to kick in
I was just laughin, and watching him play Zelda (The Twilight Princess).
He was at the part where you sumo wrestle the mayor...There are three options while fighting...It's like slap, grab, sidestep. And it's essentially rock, paper, scissors. But he didn't know that, and he kept losing the match, and once I notice it was Ro,Pa,Sc I told him " ... is paper ... is rock ... and ... is scissors."
He said "Here, you do it." So I tried, but I never play Zelda, I watched my 10-year-older-than-me step sister play when I was little, but I had never really played Zelda. So when I tried it, I lost too.

But I explained it to him again, and told him to do it.
So he did, and won.
After that we played Time Splitter, and everything seemed like it was going is slowmotion, which made me REALLY good at sniping

After that we went to sleep, because it was already pretty late when we smoked

This is the 2nd or 3rd time I got high...




So we smoked in the woods, before our walk to Wednesday youth group at the church
We smoked a couple bowls, and were properly toasted, so we decided to start our walk (Me and one other friend)

We were walking through the very suburby neighborhood, and as we were walking. It felt as if we were walking, but the houses were staying still. As if we had a treadmill in the middle of the street, and no matter HOW fast we ran, or how weird we jumped, there was no way to out run it. And we were both just being weird, trying to make the houses move as we walked, but the wouldn't. It felt like were weren't moving at all...

By finally we made it to the fence by a golf course we had to cross. We hopped the fence, and started walking....
All the sudden I stepped in quick sand, I was sinking. Then I realized, it was just a sand trap...

Then my friend yelled as if something crazy were happening, and I said "It's just a sand trap." So he stopped freaking out, and we laughed about it...

So we finally got tot he other side, and jumped the fence. When we jumped, I looked and the neighborhood we were in was THE SAME one as before, we never even went on the golf course...
But then I realized we HAD gone on the golf course, and this was another neighborhood, that just looked the same to me as the other one.

My friends jumped the fence right after me and was like "WHATTT?!?!"
And I told him, "It's a different neighborhood, it just looks the same."
And he says, "That's like the second time, you can read my fuckin mind "
But then I told him the same things had just happened to me moments before, and we laughed.

Then we got to the church and met up with another friend. Him and the friends I had came with, noticed a jacket laying int he middle of the parking lot, and decided to go get it.
But I didn't want to walk that far. But then sitting there, it felt like it had been 10 minutes, so I went to catch up with them...
I was kinda jogging across a semi constructed new part of the church, when all the sudden I died...
In front of me was black, beside me on both sides was back, and I assumed behind me was black. But I was trapped, and didn't even have enough room to turn my body or anything...
Then I looked up

I had fallin in some kind of ditch in the construction site, that was really thin because they were probably just going to bury a pipe there or something.
But I climbed out, and met up with them...
We got the jacket went to church, and that's it...

I've got a Cali one


We were just about to leave to go to my room mate's mom's house a couple towns over. But as we were getting everything, and ourselves in the car, this tweaker girl that my room mates chilled with pulled up and asked "Can I have $5 for gas."
My Room mate is ALL over this girl(Even though she's dating his tweaker friend), so of course he says "Yes" and goes in to get the money.
I'm chillin in the car, and he comes out. They start talking, and it seems like it's gonna take them a long time to talk. So I go back inside the "house"(trailer). I chilled inside for a minute when I smelled some crazy walkin up the drive way (I heard yelling outside)
The tweaker girls, tweaker boyfriend is here, and mad. They apparently got in a fight, and he got out of the car, and she left him. So he walked to our house...

My room mate is smart (kinda) and says, "Ya'll need to take this inside", as they are yelling in our driveway...
So they go inside, at which point tweaker dude says, "I've got 2 Cheena's (Chinese girls) with Choppers (AK-47's) on their way over right now." Because she had "Stolen" the car...That he bought FOR HER.
So this tripped me the fuck out. I went and grabbed my bandana tied to a big padlock, came back out, and told him "Hell no, this is their GRANDMA'S house" (Used to be, but she can't take care of her self, but it was full of her decorations and stuff) "That shit isn't going down here. I'll beat the shit out of you first"

So he called his girls and told them not to come, and they left.
Then we went to my room mate's mom's house.
Luckily she had some dank ass dinner and some Corona waiting for us at her house

First time I got arrested...

I had only smoked once (the story is written above). But we were going to spend $90 on our first sack. Me and my best friend, got some of our Christmas money together, and I talked to my friends dealer. I gave him the money, and he said he would have it to us later that week (looking back that was a stupid, dumbass, dipshit move. But it ended not going bad )
So we waited
The next day he came up to me and handed me a sack. He said somebody else had given him $20, but then not showed up to school. So he needed to get rid of it, and gave it to me. I had some paper that I could use as joint paper, and used it to roll up a joint, and hid it in my jacket. I was going to smoke it on the way to the outdoor classrooms, in portable trailer type things. But I got to math class, and showed the sack to a couple of friends who were long time stoners, and one of them told me "Smoke a bowl." (Out of a metal 'Eclipse' gum container I had, that was rigged to be a pipe)
I said "No, were in class."
But he kept saying "Smoke a bowl... ...Smoke a bowl... ...Smoke a bowl... ..."
And I kept saying, "I'm in a classroom... ...We're taking a quiz... ...NO... ..."
But finally I was done with my quiz and he said, "Smoke a bowl. I'll sit on your desk, and you can use your backpack to block the side."
So finally I gave in.
He sat on my desk, and I put my backpack up, to create like a wall. I broke up some bud, and put it on the holes poked into the side of the gum container.
I flicked the lighter, and hit it once.
My friends SLAMMED his hand down on my desk, and confused, I went to take another hit.
He slammed his hand down again and said, "He's coming!" And I hid the pipe and lighter beside me RIGHT AS the teacher was walking up...
He looked at me, and he said, "That was obvious."
Me and my stoner friends in the class each grabbed a bottle of Ax cologne, and sprayed it as we ran out of the class...I hid my weed, and freaked out the rest of the day. But nothing happened.

Later that week I was in History(with the sack on me), the classroom door was open, and the Principle walked in the doorway, and began to scan the classroom. His eyes stopped on me...He pointed his walkie talkie, and said "Have a nice day." But I freaked the fuck out, and the girl next to me said, "You look like you just saw a ghost."
Later in that SAME class period I got called down to the office. I asked the girl next to me to hold the weed, and she did. Then I went to the office.
When I got to the office I knew I was fucked, I was just fucked.
They told me, "Go to the assistant principals office."
I went in, and my friend was sitting there. Earlier that day, she had decided to wear her slippers, and had given me her shoes to hold in my backpack, so that she didn't have to carry them around all day.
The teachers didn't want her wearing slippers, and needed me to give her her shoes.
Fuckin RELIEVED.
...
...
Then a couple days later, I fell asleep in my 3rd period class.
I woke up. And the assistant principal was in my classroom, he said " (My name) come with me."
And I asked, "Should I bring my backpack?"
He said, "Yes."
When they say "yes", that means they want to search you...So I knew I was fucked, I had the weed on me...
We went to hos office, and a cop came in.
They went through my backpack together and found nothing. Then asked me to empty my pockets.
I had a couple lighters and said, "I found those."
They said, "You aren't supposed to have them." and I apologized...

Then the ass. principle ( ) says, "Let me see your phone."
I said, "My phone is right there."
He said, "Then what's that?"
I said, "My belt buckle."
He said, "Take off your belt."
And hidden behind my belt buckle, was THE TINIEST little sack of weed. Like, you could curl your pinky around it.
And it fell to the ground...
The cop said, "What's that?"
I said, "I don't know."
But he of course, already knew.
So he took me to jail...

Ok, before my East Texas mushroom stories, I have to introduce the reason I even go to East Texas, and know what fields to go too...

When I was sixteen, I was on probation, and wanted to leave my town. But I knew I couldn't just go hide somewhere IN town, or ONE town over...That wouldn't work.
So I had to find a way to get WAY further. So I started planning with an X girlfriend of mine, we would go to her dad's house in East Texas. I just had to get a little money, and someone to drive us

So I made phone calls every night, and had no luck.
I saved up a little money from work, and had like $120.

I couldn't find a ride, and it was THE day the plan was supposed to be happening...

I was taking classes at the local community college, and asked someone in my Philosophy class "If I pay for gas, and smoke you out the whole time, will you give me and a friend a ride?"
And he said "Yes"

So after class I got in his car, and we went to my house to get my stuff.
I texted my X girlfriend (I'm gonna call her "Lo" from now on) and told her we were coming to get her.
Lo skipped to get out of school, and came with us. We went to her house, and she got some clothes and stuff. Then grabbed a big jug of change her parents had. And we went and coinstarred it.
Then we went to the drivers house, and he called a dealer, so that we could get some bud, and leave.


We got the bud, got some papers, filled up the tank and left headed East

We went about two hours, till we were in the middle of "Bumfuck nowhere" as they called it. "The Boons" Or "The Sticks" to most people.
Lo called the house her dad lived at, and his girlfriend came to get us.
Lo hadn't told them that SHE, OR that I was coming. She told NO ONE, and didn't warn me that she had told no one we were coming.
But her dad's girlfriend came and got us, and within ten minutes of meeting her, told us she was inbred.

"Your daddy is real excited to see you...He's told me so much about you...Most of my family is inbred..."

So we got to the house, and decided to chill outside for a little while, and smoke a joint.
While we were outside her dad got home(Who had no idea I was there, and hadn't seen his daughter in 10+ years), and wanted to smoke another joint of what we had.
He had NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER seen weed without seeds...EVER

So we blazed that, and that was just one toke over the line for me...
We had blazed the WHOLE car ride, we had blazed RIGHT before this, and we were blazing RIGHT then. I just got sick, and threw up in the sink, then went outside and started throwing up more.

Lo's dad had some new babies (3 of them), and Lo's girlfriends mom was the one that owned the house. She didn't smoke but she rolled ALL of our joints for us, and played pac man on her TV ALL day, and I would play with her sometimes. She was 50 somethin, and I was only like 15-16, but she was cool as shit.

This house is where I met Danny, who told the monkey stories that are written above.

We would just chill and blaze all day, and I did lawn work on their 2-3 acres, in exchange for food, and to stay there.
Lo's dad got us an RV, and we were going to get (she and her dad eventually DID get) electricity and plumbing to it, and we were going to live in it.

We would always tell her dad "We're going to go clean the RV" And it was a stinky RV, so we would smoke, and considered that to be a form of "Cleaning".

Her dad tried to get mushrooms for us one night, but the people that went and picked them got in the truck, and all night the guy called, and they said "We're in the way"
EVERY TIME
But they never came.
The next morning, they came by and said "Sorry, we ate a bunch of mushrooms while we were pickin, and we got in the car, and thought it was moving. Hours later, we realized, there weren't even keys in the car. And then we decided we weren't ok to drive."

One day Lo's dad took me to a friends house and told him "I need you to hold a package for me."

He thought it was going to be guns, or heroin, or something CRAZY. (Lo's dad USED to be a crazy fuck) But it was just me

When I got there, he told me "I just got out of the pen, don't fuck with me. Don't try to fuck my old lady(wife), and we'll be fine."
Then we just sat around and watched a "That 70's show" marathon ALL day.

At one point this guys older son, hit the younger son in the face.
The dad told him, "Go stand in the corner." He got PISSED, but knew not to fuck with his dad, and went to the corner.
Then the dad turned and said to me, "That boys gonna end up in jail."


A week into my stay in East Texas, the police found out where I was.
They came to the house one day, and we were smoking RIGHT by the front door, RIGHT by a window (On 2-3 acres, in the boons) and they may have seen me. But I ducked under the table, and crawled in the back room. They knocked, and asked some questions.

Then a couple days later, the police came back and I was asleep in the RV, the threatened to take the families children, and they brought them to me.

I woke up to some knocking,
I went to the door, and looked out the little window, I saw police. In my head I said "Shit" out loud I said, "What?"
They said "You need to come out."
I said, "I don't want to."
Then they told me they couldn't leave without me, and that I had to come out, or they would come get me.
So I came out.

They were super nice, I expected handcuffs (Probation Runaway) but they said, "You aren't under arrest, we just HAVE to go get any underage runaways." Told me to get my bags, and drove me to the Sheriff station.
There we watched Obama on TV, and recordings of DWI arrests

My dad, and step dad picked me up.
And took me to the juvenile detention center in my home town...

First mushroom hunting story.

So, mushrooms in the Dallas metroplex go for 10-15 a G. I don't like to pay that, that's bullshit.

So I decided to call out to East Texas.
I asked if I could come out there with some friends, and go on a hunt and my Xgirlfriend "Lo" (from the last East Texas story) said "Yes", she would set it up

So we waited for the humidity to be PERFECT, and went out to the little town in East Texas.
When we got there, we met at a place I had never been (It seemed like a car garage, but was about 2 acres back on some land, but I saw no other structures anywhere, or on the way to it...) Lo, her dad, her grandad, and some of their friends were there.

Lo's Grandpa was a REALLY drunk, crazy old man, and told her, "Put your hand in my pocket."
She turned to her dad and said, "Should I?"
And he said, "You know DAMN well not to put your hand in that mans pocket."

So she came with us (Me, and my (both girls) friends M, and J) M was driving, and Lo sat in the passenger seat, and me and J sat in the back.

We went to the RV that her dad had bought for me and her, and it now had electricity, and plumbing.
We had to wait until like...3-4am to go mushroom hunting. And Lo got bored sitting in the trailer with nothing to do...

So she started calling people to get beer, because her dad wouldn't buy her any...(He told her that we should just come in and drink with him, which would have been BAD ASS) So we found some Mexican guy that would buy it, and went to where he lived.
We chilled at his place, and smoked with some other people that lived there, while we waited.
They came back, and we went back to the house, inviting them, and whoever they wanted to invite.

So TONS of people came over to that little RV, and beer ran out fast. But we were sitting around playing drinking games when all these kids (from the boons) started talkin about a "mansion" with a pool. And we were thinking, a "Mansion, out here?"
So we got there, and it was a big ass house, with a BAD ASS pool.

M, and J are both drunk.
Somehow Lo's grandad was with us, (He told us to call him "Dickweed" he had it tattooed on his chest) And he was a drunk old pervert.
He was sittin in the pool, drunk as shit. Shoutin shit at all the girls.
Then M got naked, and eventaully started fuckin the ONLY black guy there, IN the pool. While EVERYONE was in view, including a 14 year old boy, and Dickweed watched (Approvingly)

We finally left there, and got to the first mushroom field.
We had some trashbags, but we realized...We had brought NO flashlights... ...SO...We had to use our cell phones for hunting...

We walking through the field in a line/wall, and the boon kids showed us all how you tell if the mushrooms are good or not (besides tanish color) You squeeze the cap, like so one finger is on top, and one is on the gills. When you squeeze, if the juice is purple, it's good. ANY other color, bad. A piece of paper would be good for testing this

Everyone got a good trashbag full, but Dickweed didn't even make it over the fence.
So when we got back to the car, he payed someone to give him some of theirs.

Then we went to the second field, and got more.
Then went back to the RV.


When we got back, Lo said it would be a good idea to make "Mushroom tea"
We only had a microwave on hand, so we used that and made some nasty mushroom juice.

But somehow it didn't work. The microwave somehow zapped the psylo or something...I have no idea what happened, I just no NONE of us felt it EXCEPT Dickweed, and he just ate his...

Then at like 6-7am we left, M drove.
And we went home...

Me and my friend (a guy) K, decided we would go to East Texas, and go find ourself a good mushroom field, we'd spot out some cows, and poop around 10pm, chill, maybe make some friends, and come back at 3-4am to do some mushroom hunting.

So we started driving around, and decided we were going to try to find Lo's dad (Lo is in the last 2 stories, who she i, is described in the first one) so we went to a random gas station, and I went in and asked, "Do you know (his name)" And the lady behind the register said, "No".
But some random kid in the store said, "Did you say (his name)" And I said "Yes" and me and this kid started talking and went outside, he told me to text Lo, so we did, and we ended up meeting up with her, and never getting to see her dad...

But we chilled with this dude who knew Lo, at a park, until Lo came, and then we got some bud, and went to roll a blunt.
Then we went and hung out with a bunch of dudes I had never met, and smoked out of a steamroller.

eventually it was late/early enough, and we went out to the SAME field that we had gone to first, last time.
We parked in the same spot as the first time (which turned out to be stupid) and jumped the fence, into the field.

The way the field is shaped, there is a hill. You walk down, and there is a small valley, then another hill on the other side, and a fence, and a treeline to some woods.
We were walking across the valley part, using flashlights, and being pretty loud (not yelling or anything, but loud).

All the sudden we heard dogs...Then a gun shot...Then a drum...It was scary as shit.

We ran up the hill at the back of the property and to the fence, when we got to it, someone said "What do we do now?"
I said "Jump the fence, get off THAT GUYS property!"
So we jumped the fence and started running, one dude stopped to go pee, and his friend stopped too. Then Lo went back for them, then K lost sight of me, and went another direction.


So I was alone in the woods.
My cell phone was in the car.
And I could hear the dogs.


I ran BACK towards the car, but not onto the guys property. And I got to a "lake" which was like waist deep, and had TONS of trees growing out of it. But I walked through it, scared AS SHIT that I was going to get bit by a snake...
I finally made it out of the water, but when I made it out the land around it was just sticky, gucky, shitty, mud. And it sucked my shoes into the mud, (but that was ok with me, I went barefoot everywhere at the time, and had only worn shoes for the hunt ) So I took the off, and carried them as I ran.
There was no trial, but I ran in a straight line, moving big branches, and just braking small ones on my arms, getting caught on all kinds of briar thorn vines and shit.


I finally got out of those woods. And into a field, as I ran I noticed (because I didn't have my shoes on) that the field was full of little pear cactus's, and sticker plants :S
So I put my shoes back on, but the stickers the got stuck in the shoes were hard to get out, and hurt MORE than the ones that were just in my foot, not getting pressure pushed on them.
So I took off my shoes, and ran barefoot again. Trying to dodge prickly pear cactus, in the dark.

Finally I saw some headlights, and it looked the were doing donuts. So I thought, "That must be my friends, trying to show me where to go."
So I got closer (about 1-200 yrds), and noticed that the car was a cop car. So I ducked in the tall grass, and moved behind a pineish tree.
I watched the cops and the farmers talk for a while, then eventually. The cops left, so I decided to walk down the street. But realized that it was a dead end, but didn't realize that the cops hadn't left, they just went to this dead end, and to the house that was at the dead end.
Once I realized it was a dead end, I turned around, and went to the car to get my phone.

A tiny dog heard/say me, and started barking, and chasing me.
I ran to the car, grabbed my phone, ran about 2 properties down, and hid in some bushes, in front of the 2nd property.
The farmer came out with his truck, and got another farmer to come out with his truck, so they were shining their lights both ways down the road.

Then the cops came back, and brought dogs...
I thought, "Shit, I'm fucked"
The dogs sniffed the car, but we had nothing. The cops got a megaphone out, and yelled: "Attention to the people in the woods, if you do not come out, we WILL tow your car."
But they DIDN'T They just threatened.

The farmers dog started to slightly bark at me at one time, and if the cops had payed attention, they could have got me.
But a cop just yelled "GET!" at the dog, and made it go away. He didn't want to listen to the farmers dog, since he had his own.

Then eventually the cops left again, and I called my friends, with my phone in my shirt.
They said they would come soon.
I decided to run across the road, so I was on the opposite side as the farmers property, so he couldn't even TRY to say I was on his land.

But he came back out pretty soon after I did that, and brought his dogs.
I had taken a piss, and they smelled me out REAL quick. But even when they barked at me, I just stayed where I was. they weren't trying to hurt me.
The farmer couldn't see me but he knew I was there, and I was just like "Shit, what do I do?"

So I stood up, put my hands up, and said "I wasn't tryin to fuck with none of your shit."
He asked what I was doing out there I told him we were from out of town, and thought it would be ok to just walk around.
He patted me on the back, and asked who's car was parked there. I told him "My friends"
He thought it was mine, and told me I could take my car and go.
I told him I didn't have the keys, because it was my friends car, and around then my friends pulled up.
The farmer said, "They've been drivin up and down, lookin for you for about an hour."
At this point it was around 8am

Me and K got in K's car, and we followed Lo and her friends in their car.
We stopped at a house, and smoked a blunt. And they told me what had happened (Within 20-30 min they had all met up, and gotten in cars)
And they wanted to know what had happened to me...

I was covered in mud...
I was wearing a shirt that said "Dunder Mifflin" but you couldn't read ONE letter, NOT ONE.
My pants had mud ALL over, and had a light layer of mud color tone from being wet.
I had scratches, and bruises all over my arms from thorns, and branches.
I was a mess.


I told them what had happened, and we headed out of town. Trying to avoid the police, because the farmer told us they probably tagged our plates, and will just get us later...But said that he wouldn't call, or pursue us further in any way, with the police.
And nothing ever happened to my knowledge

California.

I stepped off the GreyHound in San Diego.
And my phone was dying.
Had my phone been charged enough to find a place to stay, what happens, wouldn't have happened at all...
But I stayed at the Greyhound station for about 30 minutes with my phone plugged into the wall, and when it was charged I left. Thinking "I need to get a bike."
So I asked the guard at the station "Where is the nearest place to get a bike?" He pointed me in a direction, and I went outside, and started walking that way.

So I got to a stoplight, and a crosswalk, and there was a guy standing next to me.
He said, "do you have a cigarette?" And I'll bum even my last cig, to a friend, so I gave him one.
And I asked him, "Do you know where the nearest place is to get a bike?"
He said "I sell bikes!"
Now THIS was convenient. Nothing could go wrong. Right?
So he tells me he just got out of jail, and I'm not one to judge because in Texas I have been judged quite a bit, based on my favorite flower. And have had to do more than my fair share of time.
He asks if he can borrow my phone to call his girlfriend, tells me I can stay with them, I accept and he tells her to meet us a couple streets down.
He says he's broke and just got out of jail, and wants to know if I can get him like a soda, and a cookie at the convenient store. So I go in and get him something, and I got some more cigs, and gave him a pack.
His girlfriend picks us up, and the car is so full of...Clothes, camping stuff, I feel like there was a chair, and a guitar in there...But we fit me in the back somehow, and he sat in the passenger seat with some stuff where his legs went, AND on his lap.

So we go to Motel 6 and they show me a bike.
They tell me I can ride it around to test it out, and they need a minute to talk inside. I ride it around for a while and it's a pretty nice bike, and when I go back I gave him $100 for it.
I ask him if he can get any bud, and he says he can. But he has to call some people.
His girlfriend is weird. He's weird. I knew somethin was up with them. But they were chill.
So he starts calling people, and using code words.
And I notice he's saying "Blue" as a noun a lot. The girl says something about "You should be quiet" referring to me being able to hear. And he says "He knows what we're talking about."
But I had no idea what they were talking about. I had an idea though, and I didn't like that I had bought a bike from them.

So they leave for a while, and come back with a sack of meth, and ask if I want some. I told them no, (I have had a bad experience, I'll share it here one day if I haven't already) and that I just would get some bud whenever I could.
So they smoked/shot that, and after a couple hours, the girl fell asleep, and the dude disappeared. And I fell asleep. (Whenever she was awake both days she would talk about how meth made her tired, or at least more calm )

I woke up in the morning and they were gone.
I freaked out a little, but nothing was missing, and all there stuff was still there. So I figured they hadn't just left completely.
The girl came up with some doughnuts and stuff on a plate. She said she got it downstairs, and that they had been at the pool. And it looked like she had been at the pool. The dude came back, and we watched TV all day. While they shot up. And he described to me that the needles get dull, and after a while it's like trying to get a pencil in your vein because the tip isn't sharp anymore, it's just flat.
He left at one point, and traded some guy outside in a van a phone charger for a Wal Mart card, and expected it to have money left on it, when he check. It didn't. Duh.
Then later during that day he asked if he could take my bike, with the other bike they had and his girlfriend, for a ride to the gas station or something. I said sure, and they left for about a half hour, and came back with no bikes.
He said they had run into a guy that he owed money to, and the guy took the bikes.
I was in a "foreign" state, with very little money left, no where to go yet, and my bike had been lost by meth heads.
I was pisssssssssed off, and the dude could tell. He said something, and I said "If I was going to hit you, I would have already." I just knew that wouldn't solve anything. But I had to punch the wall outside, and that hurt like shit.

So they said they would fix it, and not to break anything, and left, at about 10pm. I fell asleep around 1:30am. They came back around 3-4am and woke me up.

They were wet as shit, and it was raining outside.
The guy disappeared as soon as they got there, but the girl handed me a cigarette box, and told me to look inside, and there was about a gram nug of weed in there.
I was SOOO happy And I had papers and everything.
She told me he had got me a bike, but was locking it up outside, but inside somewhere out of the rain.
He came back, and said I could come see it.
He took me to the laundry room, and was locking it on the coke machine.
It was WAAY shittier than the other bike.
Like 1/3 the gears.
Skinny tires, instead of big ones.
Bullshit.

But I had no other option.
I went inside and smoked some weed. FINALLY

So we watch TV, I smoke my joint, and they slam their meth, and he took the LOUDEST, nastiest (most likely meth induced) shit, I have EVER heard in my ENTIRE life.

I wake up in the morning, and their gone. The phone is ringing.
So I answer it.
It's a man. He asks who I am, and I made up a name. He says he's the girls babies daddy, and to tell her that she needs to come see her baby. And I tell him that I'll tell her, no problem.

So she comes in, and I tell her.
She calls him, and starts yelling and shit.
She gets off the phone and is silent. Like rocking back and forth.
Eventually she says "He's coming here."
And I asked "should I leave?"
She says "Probably"

I got all my shit that minute.
That had promised to drive me to the city where I had a friend that I could at least hang out with.
But now I just strapped all my shit to my shitty new bike, ask which way was north, and WENT.

Eventually I got tired as shit.
I slowed down, and was eventually walking my bike.
A full school style back pack, and two smaller bags strapped to a bike, are heavy as SHIT.

I started asking people how to get to the city I was going to, and eventually I heard enough of "You should take the trolly" to consider it, and asked someone where it was.
They pointed me in a direction, and I came to a station/stop.
I bought a ticket, and the first trolly that came, I wasn't fast enough for with my bike and everything. I almost got caught in the door, and I just had to go back and wait.
I got on though, and was told to go to what they call "The coaster" which is like a faster trolly.
I went there, and bought a ticket to go like 50 miles away. We got there in like 20 minutes for $2. And while I was on it, I texted a ssecond friend in Corona, who said I could live with him, so I decided to go there.

I got there, and met my friend up a fuckin hill, which would have been considered a mountain in Texas. At AmPm, which when he said "Meet me at the AmPm" I was like "What the fuck is ampm?"

We met, and went to a friend of his' house.
He had some medical bud, I bought it (Katana), and we smoked, and chilled for a while.
Eventually it was getting late so I went back to a city that almost everyone I met said would be chill (Ocean side).
I stayed at a little hotel, and my mom got my a GreyHound ticket online for like 6 in the morning.

I made it to the station ontime and everyhting, but the only people there were bums.
The station wasn't open, so a bus never came, and I never got picked up.
My friends worked near Oceanside so they just picked me up, and the Greyhound ticket went to waste.
...
Then we went to Corona...
I guess I could have ended that story in a better place...
But yeah

Leaving Colorado, headed to Mexico:

I left Denver with 28 joints, a couple eighths of dank ass bud, a couple bags of hash, and everything I needed to go to Mexico. The night before I left I stayed at one of my friends houses in Denver, and we blazed hash all night and all morning before I left.

When I left I headed west, to Telluride Colorado.
I had never been there before so I had no idea what to expect in the town, the only place I had really been in Colorado is the Denver/Boulder area, but I knew two girls that I could stay with out there. Before I got to the town gas was getting more and more expensive, and was at around 4.15 when I got into town, and got to 4.20 while I was there (prices go up in the mountains). I got to the town, and waited at the park to meet up with one of the girls I was staying with, because she wanted to go mountain hiking. When she walked up to me, she said "Are you ready for some tedious hiking" or maybe "Strenuous hiking", I don't remember. But I took her warning very lightly, and decided to go with them with jeans on, and a backpack with a video camera, a backpack, and some other shit.

About a mile in shit was getting steep as fuck, and we were going higher and higher so the oxygen was getting thinner and thinner. But I hadn't smoked in a while, so I asked if she wanted to smoke, and stopped to roll a joint. We blazed, and then continued. About a quarter mile later, I was forced to realize: I have asthma, the air is getting thinner, I just smoked, and if my breathing gets worse I'm gonna have to be carried down. So I just went back, and went somewhere to eat. She continued up, and got some crazy pictures from way way up. And she said there was a point where the air was so thin she was just fuckin heaving for breath.

After I ate at some burger place, her roommate texted me and told me I could just meet her at the room since the other girl was climbing. So I walked over to their complex, and brought all the bud out of my car. I was already out of hash from smoking on my drive out there, but I had plenty of joints, and the eighths left. One was Pink Jasmine, and I forgot what the other one was. But when I came in to town I went to their headshop, called Dahlia or Dalila, and got an eighth of some shit called Blue Dragon. So I went to their complex with all the bud, and we blazed. They had a bong, a volcano, a pipe, and I had joints so we were blazin everything. Then I told them about a research chemical that happened to be nearby that night. So the next night we watched The Wall, which was some crazy shit. Especially at the end, that's some powerful shit. The little kid dismantles a Molotov cocktail, not even knowing what it was. Then we watched Alice in Wonderland, which I haven't seen since I was like 7, so I realized what Tweedle dee and Tweeedle dum were saying for the first time. We took more of the RC the next day and took a hike about a mile out into the woods around the town, then we came back and blazed. Then walked to the park and laid on the ground looking at clouds and stuff.

We blazed and chilled, and a couple days later I left. I still had some joints left, but I was out of buds, and hash. There was a kid, older than me I think, hitchhiking in my direction, and I picked him up and we smoked on the way to the edge of his town. Then I headed to Arizona, where I got a speeding ticket for 80 in a 65. But it was like a highway that stretched like 100 miles, and 60 just isn't fast enough for such a long highway. And the ticket came in handy while I was in Mexico. I ended up in Tucson (Which I still pronounce wrong) and found a public storage to keep my car at, and a bus that could take me out of the country. I got on a bus to Hermosillo, and that's where the next story starts.

Before I get into Mexico I want to describe Telluride better. Because the transition from Telluride to Mexico made something VERY clear. The answer to why mexico is "struggling" economically.

This was my experience within my first 30 minutes of entering the town. There's a couple highways that go through the mountain, and this town is almost all alone in the corner of a small mountain valley. As you come in there are mountains surrounding you, all capped in snow. And pine trees everywhere. There's a round-about where the speed limit hits 15, and passed that round-about the speed limit stays 15. And the only exit from this 15 mph cage is that same round-about. So there's only ONE road in and out of town. The main part of the town can't be bigger than 3 miles across, probably more like 1-2 miles across, and the main road was under construction when I got there. I stopped at a dispensary called "Telluride bud co." and got a joint, and when I walked in, it was the SMALLEST dispensary I had ever been in. This was a SMALL ass town. Tiny as fuck. But it had a ski couple ski lifts, and tons of apartments, and a few hotels, and a main street full of business', so it seemed like a bigger town than it was.

The bad thing about the town though. Above the ACE hardware store (on the 2nd floor), there was a freemason lodge. And when I saw it I realized why the town was so successful, and why the construction on the streets was happening, when there was plenty of highways around there in the mountains that should have been getting fixed instead. And not only was it a freemason lodge, there were three or four other symbols that I didn't recognize on the same flag as the freemason symbol was, and one of them was an upside down star with some letters on top, another was a crown with something. And that's some creepy shit.

Mexico:

I got to the bus station in Tucson, and the lady behind the counter didn't speak any English. But I got a bus ticket to Hermosillo, and waited to board. I expected the border to have dogs, and a passport check (We went through Nogales). But all we had to do was press a button, attached to the button was something like a traffic like. When you pressed the button, the traffic light lights up green most of the time (EVERY passenger on the bus I was on got green), but sometimes it turns red. The person who pressed the button and got a red light has to get searched. That was the ONLY border security when entering Mexico. After that we got back on the bus and drove the rest of the way to Hermosillo.

I got to Hermosillo in the middle of the night, and asked a taxi for a ride to a hotel. Not a SINGLE person spoke English, I'm surprised I was able to communicate with people as well as I did while I was there, because I don't know ANY Spanish. But I got to the hotel, and went to sleep. The next day I decided to try to meet some people, so I went to a Tecate cantina. There were a bunch of people there, mostly college kids (Hermosillo has a very large student population) but not many of them spoke English. I sat at the bar and got a beer (this was my first time ever getting a drink at a bar, I'm still 20), and while I was drinking it, one of the guys at the bar started asking me questions in English, like "where are you from", etc. I had a Texas rangers hat on, and probably a Cookie monster or Ninja Turtle shirt, so it was obvious I was an American probably. I hung out with them for a while, we got drunk, and someone told me that there was a city with beautiful beaches, and some people living there from America even though it was still mostly Mexicans, and they told me I should go there next. So the next day I got on a bus to Kino Bay (Bahia de Kino).

I got to Kino bay and I found a hotel to stay at, then I started walking around looking for someone to get bud from. I could buy alcohol at any convenience store, so I just needed some bud now. I started walking around, and saw a man that looked like he was in his 50's walking around. I walked up to him and asked "Mota?", turned out he spoke kinda okay English, and he told me to follow him. So I followed him about 30 ft to his house. He went inside and came back out with a pipe and some bud. Just reggie, but it was legit. We smoked and he asked where I was staying, I told him I was staying at the hotel right by his house, he asked how much I was being charged, and when I told him he told me I could stay in his spare room for 50 pesos a day, roughly 5 US Dollars. So I told him I would come back the next day since I had already paid a night at the hotel.

The next day (brought my stuff) I went back and asked if I he knew anyone I could buy bud from. He took me to an RV park and the manager there said he could get bud. So I gave him 100 pesos (roughly $10) and he brought back about a quarter of some reggie. We smoked and drank that night, and ate good. Every night in Mexico we made some dank ass stew, or some huge ass fish. The next day he took me to meet an American family that lived there, and whom he fished with regularly. That night we played spades with them and got drunk as shit, every night we got drunk as shit.

Then, when I ran out of bud I asked the guy at the RV park if he could get more, and this time when I gave him $10 (actually less than $10, because it was 100 pesos) he came back with a half oz. Then later that day we were chillin at the RV park drinking, and two cops came up on four wheelers. I thought something was wrong, and something bad happened. They walked up to us, neither of them spoke English, and the guy I had got my bud from HARDLY spoke any English either. So I was confused at first, but then the RV manager told me it was ok to smoke in front of them. So I rolled up a joint, and blazed. Neither of them smoked, but they drank some of the beer we had, and gave me some money to go to the store to get more beer. It was THE chillest experience with police that I have EVER had.

That weekend a bunch of people came together at the RV park, the manager started a fire and we all drank and ate crazy good that night. I couldn't understand a word anyone was saying (except for the guy I was staying with who spoke kinda ok English), we were all just drunk as fuck. We blazed, someone had a guitar so we all listened to him for a while, and it was a chill night. Everyone brought food, so there was tons of all kinds of Mexican food, I had never even heard of or seen some of the shit before. And did you know tacos in Mexico are all made from tongue, brains, and cheek meat. They call them "Tacos de Cabeza", there's always a sign wherever they sell the tacos.

On fathers day, the man who I was staying with had family members come through all day. I met his daughter, and her boyfriend, who is a rapper in Mexico, he gave me a CD. And a group of kids that I'm not even sure was related to him, but they stayed to drink and smoke for a while.

Moving to Colorado (Prequel to Mexico):

I came into Colorado from Cali, after I got fired for not being Mexican (They had to pay me more). I took a Grey Hound through Vegas, and Utah. Some people on the bus had NEVER seen snow before, it was hilarious, grown men were freaking out making videos to send to their family. They had lived in Southern California their whole lives.

When I got to Colorado my sister was there, living with my mom and little brothers. They had all moved from Texas about 4-6 months before that. When I got there my mom started talking about getting a medical card for me, so I couldn't get in trouble smoking there. A couple days after I got there, we went "Snow tubing", which is like sledding, but on an intertube that is meant to be dragged behind a boat. And since it's Colorado, you go up a mountain, and they have a huge slide made out of snow. It's crazy. This is the first place we got bud in Colorado, while living there (I had visited for 2 weeks once, and met a patient that hooked me up, but that was just vacation). There was a guy working at the slide, and we asked him "Do you know where to get any bud around here", and he said "yeah, my friend can get it, when I get off work give me 10 minutes, and I'll come meet you" So we waited for him to get off, which wasn't long. We just went and ate, and got something to drink. Then we saw him coming down the ski lift, and he left and came back with a quarter of some dank. We went home and blazed (my mom didn't join in).

About a week later, my mom came home with all the paperwork saying she could (at that time, laws are different now) walk into the dispensary and buy bud. She still had to wait for her official "red card" in the mail, but she was allowed to buy bud legally using the paperwork she had. So she got an eighth from a place called 420 Wellness. About 3 days later, I went into the same Doctor and got my medical card. I never, ever, EVER thought I would walk into a weed STORE. But that's exactly what I was able to do. With that card I was able to walk into stores, and say "I want an 8th of (ANYTHING)" and the normal price was 200-250/oz.

Over time I went to a bunch of different dispensaries, and eventually found Trenchtown. That, in my opinion, is one of the best dispensaries in Denver. BEST for trim, GREAT for bud, GREAT for edibles, OK for hash (but you can make your own with their trim). Their ounces are (drumroll) $150 EACH, and if you bring back the containers you get your bud in, for them to recycle, you can get free joints and blunts. And their budtender, Rose, is awesome. She hides the best buds that don't have much stock, so you have to ask for them. And she gets opinions from people about the buds (and she smokes them), so she can tell you what to expect before you smoke.

Eventually I met my friend, I'll call C, he was the one growing Agent Orange, Flo, and Purple Urkle, and all those. They came out amazing, and smoked great. Purple Urkle was some DANK shit, we took about an Oz of it to the smoking movie theatre one time. THERE WAS A SMOKING MOVIE THEATRE. About once or twice a month, there was a movie theatre, which on these special days you paid $10 and they would put on Fear and Loathing, or How High, or Dazed and Confused, and all those movies. And you could SMOKE while you watched the movie. It was so awesome, we went to almost every one they had the 3-4 months before I left.

That's really a little more than just entering Colorado, so I'll stop there. Maybe I'll get more into Colorado stories another day.

How I got the name Shaggy:

1st experience:
I was in county jail, and there were Mexicans that couldn't speak English. Most of them didn't try to talk to anyone that spoke English. But 2 of them tried to talk to me. The first one walked passed me on the steps up to the officers desk in the pod, and stopped and asked me something in Spanish. I just said "No habla" then he said something else, and I just shrugged my arms like "I don't know", and said "No habla" again.
Then, I became an inmate worker (which I will never do again, if I ever go back) so I could only stay half the time by getting $100 a day towards my tickets, instead of $50 in general population. There was a Mexican in their that couldn't speak 2 words of English, but EVERY time he walked by me, he would say "Hey, Shaggyyyy" and go up for a high five. Then, one day I was cleaning intake, when lunch came. It turned out he was the person that was bringing meals down, and handing them out to everyone (we were inmate workers, so we did like kitchen, yard, and janitorial duties around the jail). When I came over to get my food, he said "Hey, Shaggyyyy" And signaled to me with his hands like "Whenever you run out of drink, just come get more" and usually we weren't allowed to do that shit. So I got a couple cups of drink, and finished eating. Then I went to take my food up, and when I put my tray in, he pointed inside the cart to like 5 full trays, and signaled like "take one". So I grabbed one, and ate a second tray, then when I finished he signaled again, and I was like fuck. I filled my cup up again and fuckin ate. I was full after that though. It was some legit shit though, he couldn't even speak the same language as me, or me him. And he reached out with an offering, and we were able to communicate. That's legit shit. But that's where I got the name Shaggy.

How I got the name Shaggy:

2nd Experience:
While I lived in Southern California (When I worked at the Avacado factory) I met 2 girls named Jade, and Dominique. I met Dominique looking for bud, she said she had a medical card, so we picked up her and her friend one day and got bud.
We chilled throughout my time in SoCal, and Jade decided to call me Shaggy, and they called me and my friend together "the Texas Hippies" because we had long hair, and were both from Texas (He was from PA originally, but had moved to Texas when he was like 13). But that was the second person to just call me Shaggy randomly, so after that, I took the name "Fin" which I had used when I met new people in Denton Tx, connected that to the beginning for usernames, and started introducing myself as "Shaggy" in the keys, now in Southern Florida, and online.

Now that I described both Mexico, and Telluride I want to explain a few things about Mexico that I didn't get into, then let you guys see/understand what the difference is. It's not because they have brown skin, or because they are lazy, or because they don't have factories.

Mexico:
In big cities (Like Hermosillo), there are power/telephone cables going back and forth between the buildings. Like, if you had a 18 wheeler that was too tall, it could potentially wipe out power for multiple city blocks, just driving down the road. Water in the Houses, there is no "city grid" for plumbing in most places. They might have areas that have grid, but there was no strategic planning in their towns. They weren't meant to get as big as they are, or support as many people as they do. So most houses have a giant tank of water underneath, and you pay a company to come fill it up. And water is getting more and more expensive there.

But the main difference, the CAUSE of all of this is even more obvious when you compare Mexico to Colorado. EVERY house along the highway has a small shrine, with the virgin Mary or Jesus or both, or even other figures, candles, crosses, beads, everything a catholic might pray with. Each town has statues, and shrines on top of hills, some have three crosses with Jesus and the thiefs, some have just Jesus standing, some are shrines like described in front of the highway houses. The focus of the country is pilgrimage, and Catholicism. I was talking to one man who spoke kinda ok English, and he told me that the reason Mexico city is so populated is, it is the goal of EVERY Mexican to go to the big Catholic church in Mexico city, it's like going to the Vatican without crossing the ocean. They feel closer to god. But they each pay 10 pesos (roughly 1 US Dollar) to get in, and EVERYday about 2-10 Million people pass through that church. So everyday the church in Mexico city is collecting a minimum of 2 Million dollars, and sending that back to the real Vatican. Not to be used for Mexicans, or Mexico. But for the catholic church.

The difference between Mexico and Americas economy is, we are protestant, we don't rely on or pay tithes to the Catholic church. But we do rely on the people that planned our cities, made our water grids, and run our political, religious, and entrepreneurial systems. The families that made money when capitalism was young, and decided to secure their wealth by keeping it within their bloodlines. Our money stays on American soil, but over time we have still put it all in the hands of the few "industrious" families of the past. So it isn't much different from sending our money over seas to the Vatican, except that it's harder to see the effects of it on the poor families, since they are living in the same cities and states as the ones that have been collecting all the money.

Like they build roads, and buildings for us. Then call us ok. But some of America is no different in terms of wealth than Mexico, and I don't mean on a city wide scale, I mean neighborhood by neighborhood.

Learning to roll a joint:

So, I used to hang out with this kid. It was the first time I really got into smoking with dro/dank/seedless, and when I was taking a lot of mushrooms, and making a little hash with Acetone and alcohol. He "taught" me how to roll a joint, but I could never figure it out. Because the way he "taught" me, was by saying "Here's how you roll a joint" then he would roll a joint really fast. So I wasn't learning anything.
Then one day someone else taught me how to roll a joint. I was smoking a lot of reggie again, because I could get it for 180 a QP, and someone taught me how to roll up like nice whole gram joints. What you do is (I'll make a video eventually) take the first paper, and roll a SUPER sloppy joint, like not even just sloppy, put SO much bud in it that you can't seal it. You just close it like a baby diaper. Two little pieces holding it together at each end, but the middle of the licky part of the joint will still be open. Then you take a second paper and roll it around that, and it comes out as a clean, huge motherfuckin joint.
Then eventually I got King Sized joker papers, and just learned how to roll normal joints, but with 1-3 grams in them. So, then once I was in California and Colorado smoking small joints, I was able to roll those up.

But that's the process I went through to learn how to roll joints.

Had a neighbor with a pet monkey. Mean little shit who would just as soon bite you as not. Monkey went berserk one day and they couldn't get it to calm down. Three days of the monkey racing about the house, biting them when they slept, and throwing monkey shit at them. Trapped him in the bathroom and tried to shoot him as he ran back and forth on the shower rod. Put a couple of dozen bullet holes in the wall and ceiling before he finally hit him. Monkeys are terrible pets. Or at least that one was.