Thing's aren't going to well

The dr.is in.
I allways take lsd when I have personal trouble..I actually focus more on the problem and come up with logical solutions..

Not is this in any way fake sadly. I fucking wish it was. And yes I'm a piece of shit. I have been cheating on my wife. We barely talk and are always argueing and we live in the same fucking house it's eating me up inside. I'm ashamed honestly. Not to sound like a cocky assholes just girls are just drawn to me, and esp. when I'm rolling. That is no excuse, because I fucking love my wife to bits and pieces and I'm soo ashamed of myself.
I don't know what to do anymore. My life is going down the shitter and I'm watching it happen. I can't stop crying, things are just fucked up. My wife know's I've been fucked up too, coming home late in the morning, clubbing and all that. She even threatened to call the police on me and tell them that I grow/grew pot in the house.
Whew. I'm sorry guys, I'm normally a strong person I just can't take this shit. I had to get this off my chest to atleast someone.
I hoestly appreciate all the comments even the negative ones.
Thank you guys

Skuxx said:

Heisenberg... What's the longest amount of time you usually go without dosing again in since you've noticed that it might be a problem???

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I normally start with about .5 grams
That lasts about a good 3-4 hours then the comedown is so god awful I normally redose with another .3 or have gram. I've done 1.5 in one night tho.
And for the past 6 years I've done Ecstasy god knows how much. It's ridiculous. It was on and off for the first 3 years but since 010 I've done it atleast 20 times a year since.

I Am Heisenberg said:

Not is this in any way fake sadly. I fucking wish it was. And yes I'm a piece of shit. I have been cheating on my wife. We barely talk and are always argueing and we live in the same fucking house it's eating me up inside. I'm ashamed honestly. Not to sound like a cocky assholes just girls are just drawn to me, and esp. when I'm rolling. That is no excuse, because I fucking love my wife to bits and pieces and I'm soo ashamed of myself.
I don't know what to do anymore. My life is going down the shitter and I'm watching it happen. I can't stop crying, things are just fucked up. My wife know's I've been fucked up too, coming home late in the morning, clubbing and all that. She even threatened to call the police on me and tell them that I grow/grew pot in the house.
Whew. I'm sorry guys, I'm normally a strong person I just can't take this shit. I had to get this off my chest to atleast someone.
I hoestly appreciate all the comments even the negative ones.
Thank you guys

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you need to delete all your connect's numbers. you need to take a break from people who also partake in mdma. you need to confide in your wife..whether you tell her about the cheating is up to you..in my opinion you will never be happy unless she finds out at one point or another. luckily for you the substance you're having issues with isn't physically addicting. that doesn't mean it can't have a strong influence over you mentally..but definitely makes it easier to kick. you know you have a problem, you know what is important to you, therefore you've already got the hard part out of the way. now you have to make a decision. either sacrifice everything you love or give up one thing you love.

flush any mdma you might still have down the toilet. this will be a symbolic step towards beating this addiction that has taken such control over your life. don't "just do it one more time" - flush the shit, NOW!

you say you're a strong person. well now's the time to prove it. get your life back together before it's too late! wish you the best homie..i know my last post was rather negative but i couldn't help myself..i had to write this out.

Ok man, First off Im not going to insult you by saying "I know exactly what your going through". I have had to face nearly dying in a car accident, addiction, a divorce, mental illness , and ashamedly a suicide attempt. What I can say to you is that I know what its like to reach out for help, and how devastating it can be to not get it....

I too used to reach out to strangers in online forums. Its easy since you don't have to look them in the eye and I never felt as judged as I would if I were talking to someone who knew me well. I'ts a great first step, but for me it was just a quick fix. I'd get something off my chest, feel better, and fall back into my old habits in no time.

Since you clearly want someone to talk to who isn't going to judge you and get angry at you... I really recommend getting a counselor. There is no shame in it!

Tell them the same things you told us. Once you understand what drives you to abuse mdma, you can work on controlling and or quitting your usage.

The same goes for your marriage. Tell the counselor what you've done and how it makes you feel. They will help you understand your behavior. I's up to you if you ever come clean with her. Once your happy with yourself, you will be a lot happier with your marriage as well.

Anyways that's my 2 cents. It certainly helped me, maybe it will help you too.

Just remember: It takes courage to admit you need help, and there's no shame in being courageous!

Heinsburg, I was a heavy user of E for more years than I care to admit. The problem you're having is your brain is no longer producing enough serotonin, which is what is hyper produced when you take it, creating all the feelings you speak of. the only way to correct this, is to back off and let your brain recover, which will take some time for you. this is where the depression comes from. its time to let it go and let your body fix itself. all the negative feelings you have will go away with time. been there, done that.

it ain't worth it man. not even a little bit. if she loves you, she'll be there to support you. im going through a similar situation with my wife, who is an alcoholic.

I would be happy to discuss this via PM if you wish, any time.

CCCmints said:

you need to delete all your connect's numbers. you need to take a break from people who also partake in mdma. you need to confide in your wife..whether you tell her about the cheating is up to you..in my opinion you will never be happy unless she finds out at one point or another. luckily for you the substance you're having issues with isn't physically addicting. that doesn't mean it can't have a strong influence over you mentally..but definitely makes it easier to kick. you know you have a problem, you know what is important to you, therefore you've already got the hard part out of the way. now you have to make a decision. either sacrifice everything you love or give up one thing you love.

flush any mdma you might still have down the toilet. this will be a symbolic step towards beating this addiction that has taken such control over your life. don't "just do it one more time" - flush the shit, NOW!

you say you're a strong person. well now's the time to prove it. get your life back together before it's too late! wish you the best homie..i know my last post was rather negative but i couldn't help myself..i had to write this out.

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No offence was taken man none at all. I need to hear this shit tbh. I just feel like utter shit. Words cannot describe my wife. She is so loving, beatiful and just such a great person. She has never wronged me but yet I'm such a fucking loser, god I can't stop bawling.
I want to tell her the truth about what has been going on and how I have been unfaithful but if she found out she would leave me no doubt and I would have no reason to live after that.
Shit, my bad guys I probably sound like such a baby right now, I apoligize.

DON'T flush your mdma...send it to me!
Sorry..trying to make ya smile a little.
You def gotta take hold of this situation..girls are drawn to guys that are married..get over it..unless you guys become swingers,your days of diddlin your ding-ding in everey jane doe ended with 'I do!'...I doubt shell take it well but it seems the marraige is over..you need to tell her..who knows it might save the marraige..

Treat your adrenal glands, do some research and try different HERBS, stay off hard drugs and juice, you will heal yourself, first detox, then feed your body organic juice and you will feel better in no time.

Holy shit! I'm happy the "hardest" thing I've ever done or will do is some trip! That sounds crazy bredda! My bestfriend died from an heroin overdose so I know how drugs can take their toll! Get outa the shit before its too late! Good luck!!!

Get a therapist. Using more drugs won't fix the problem.
Be easy on yourself. Even with the fuckups and what seems to be like the darkest hole, the sun will rise again tomorrow. The decision to get help, being honest, and taking responsibility for change will no doubt be very hard, but ultimately make your life infinitely better in the long run. Don't forget the forest while being transfixed to a tree.

You feeling any better today man? Yesterday was a great first step.

Mr ADHD said:

You feeling any better today man? Yesterday was a great first step.

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Yeah I'm feeling much better actaully. Been smoking a ton of weed, and just chilling. By the way I went to my job interview, but before going I drank 8-10 bottles of water and used QCarbo32 today and passed for everything except THC lol.
I still feel depressed a great majority of the day but I can tell things are slowly getting better.
Just wanna thank everybody who supported me again.
Means a shit ton to me guys.

Give your brain some time to recover. MDMA isn't bad for you if you don't keep blasting your brain with it constantly. But it's not a good drug to binge on.
Congrats on passing the test!

MrEDuck said:

Give your brain some time to recover. MDMA isn't bad for you if you don't keep blasting your brain with it constantly. But it's not a good drug to binge on.
Congrats on passing the test!

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Thanks Duck! Appreciate it. And yeah I learned that the hard way lol.

MrEDuck said:

Give your brain some time to recover. MDMA isn't bad for you if you don't keep blasting your brain with it constantly. But it's not a good drug to binge on.
Congrats on passing the test!

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And by the way I keep getting these REALLY REALLY painful brain zaps when I wake up in the morning or through out the day at sometimes.
This shit sucks any idea what the cause is or when it will go away?
Is it the Methylone or the MDMA you think

glad to hear you're doing better. stay strong homie you'll pull through. i'm sure this won't be the most difficult thing you've ever done in your life.

CCCmints said:

glad to hear you're doing better. stay strong homie you'll pull through. i'm sure this won't be the most difficult thing you've ever done in your life.

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Thanks man, you too dude. Stay out of trouble and know that that shit aint worth it. You got your whole life ahead of you bro, don't let the choices you made when you were 17 define you for your whole life. Appreciate the conversation as well

Damn everyday there's just more and more people i meet on this community that makes me feel that much better.
Thanks RIU.

I don't think too many of these guys have had experience with drug addiction. Smoking weed in place of MDMA is not going to help you. Doing other drugs in place of MDMA is not going to help you. You need to go to a qualified web page and find help, if you think the internet is the way to find help that is.... there are many forums in which you can type to people right now.
Get into recovery! Everyone who has given you advice on HS forum is an admitted drug user. NO one is in recovery here.
You need some god damn tough love... not congratulations and fucking internet high fives. you need real help. Again, it would be wise and responsible of RIU to provide you with a adequate link to find help/recovery. start here:
http://www.na.org/

Impman said:

I don't think too many of these guys have had experience with drug addiction. Smoking weed in place of MDMA is not going to help you. Doing other drugs in place of MDMA is not going to help you. You need to go to a qualified web page and find help, if you think the internet is the way to find help that is.... there are many forums in which you can type to people right now.
Get into recovery! Everyone who has given you advice on HS forum is an admitted drug user. NO one is in recovery here.
You need some god damn tough love... not congratulations and fucking internet high fives. you need real help. Again, it would be wise and responsible of RIU to provide you with a adequate link to find help/recovery. start here:
http://www.na.org/

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I've been to recovery before. I had an Oxycodone addiction. Now that the cat's out of the bag. Didn't help me at all, the only reason why I never touched that shit agian was because I had so much time over my head I was too fucking scared to pick it up and was tired of being in jail because that's where I spent most of my time as a teenager and a good start as when I was an adult. I have a wife to look after, a house, and a job now. Yeah I get that the internet is no place to get the right "help" but it sure beats me fucking doing some more MDMA right? Shit isn't as easy as it fucking sounds, I know how the programs work. They don't work if you don't work them. And I was in a fucking rehab for 90 days and couldn't stand it. Fucking hated it. SO WHY THE FUCK WOULD I GO BACK NOW WHEN I'M A GROWN FUCKING MAN. That would just put me right back where I was almost 4-5 years ago. Miserable.

I get where your coming from. Believe me I do. I'm not new to this shit. I got out of this fucking slum before and I can get myself out again.
I dont need no fucking NA.

EDIT: I've spent hours talking about this shit with other members on this site not just one.
You think I don't know I have a problem? I fucking do, I'll deal with it in my own ways. I had EVERY ADULT I WAS IN CONTACT with telling me I was going to be in federal prison my whole life or wouldn't make it past to see 25, and my life was getting pretty fucking good up until now.
Everyone makes mistakes, everyone. I don't need you fucking bashing me.