Recent content by JohnnyGreenfingers

Dude, relax. Just tell them (if they even come) that she left it in a car and was threatening you until you returned it, which you did. I'm sure you have a voicemail or a text from her demanding it's return, right? Don't let your blood pressure rise for losers, life is too short for that shit...

I can have 15 ounces on me. More if I want to float around in the grey area and depend on attorneys to keep me free, but I don't push it. Seems counterintuitive.

Depends on the weed I'm smoking. Usually Alice n Chains or Grand Funk

See, I think that's a noob move to assume a donkey punch without ever seeing a picture to verify that the victim is stout. I pretty much stick with a smack until I have better information.

I never look at the fucking dates on these fucking posts. It gets me every single time. :dunce:

Just swat her hard on the ass and say "bitch go make me chiggun pot peh!" It's almost foolproof.

Ok. Why did the pervert cross the road? cas his dick was in the chicken =/

Nonsense. I even gave it a happy ending. Except for that one son of a bitch. He knows who he is...

I wish there were more options for your poll. (yeah, I heard it right as I said it)

Congrats on dumping the bitch and possibly finding a new job. Your dog is pretty badass too. Nice life.

If you quit taking the drugs, all of your hard work will have been for nothing. Please reconsider...

I knew I had a great recipe for cat on my iphone, but I'm lazy so I told Siri to make me a kitty pot pie. She did, because she still had black eyes from the last time I had to tell her twice. And then we all ate pussy. And loved it. Except for that one son of a bitch. You know who you are...

I like the idea of renting out the baby. Less work for you. Make customers leave a large deposit tho. This way, if someone keeps it you have extra money to celebrate.

Not to be smarmy or anything, but wouldn't it just be to the future?

Brilliant. I'm stealing this idea.