UncleSunny
Well-Known Member
I realized the other day that I can't seem to accept a compliment, but I can't seem to let go of an insult. I don't think that I am alone on this.
I think it comes down to how humans deal with disagreements.We blame our leaders when things go wrong, we blame our partners when relationships fail, and we blame our parents when we realize how crazy we've become. With blame there is no resolution, just guilt, alienation or retaliation.
Then when we have no one to blame but ourselves, we just beat ourselves up, and convince ourselves that we are somehow defective. Self reflection turns into self-loathing, and we never get past our problems to see our strengths or resolve what's wrong with our lives. Instead we deal with problems by paying some asshole $100 an hour to sit and listen to us list our defects and relive horrible moments in our past.
How is this supposed to help? Instead of delving into our past, why can't we just say, 'Hey, that was fucked up. I was abused/unloved/rejected at one point of my life--perhaps I should just get on with my life and make it so that shit doesn't happen again."
But we love to blame; it takes the responsibility off of ourselves. If only my boss wasn't such an ass, or if my spouse could stop fighting with me, or a whole list of things that other people are the cause of, not me.
Instead of bitching about what happened, forget yesterday, look at today and tomorrow. Look at what you have rather than what you lack, and say "fuck it, I don't care if it sounds vain or egotistical-I like myself, even if you assholes don't."
So what if someone once got away with screwing you over. Welcome to the world--it has pointy edges and you will get cut. Get over it, and move on. As the Bazz Luhrmann song goes, "Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's."
I think it comes down to how humans deal with disagreements.We blame our leaders when things go wrong, we blame our partners when relationships fail, and we blame our parents when we realize how crazy we've become. With blame there is no resolution, just guilt, alienation or retaliation.
Then when we have no one to blame but ourselves, we just beat ourselves up, and convince ourselves that we are somehow defective. Self reflection turns into self-loathing, and we never get past our problems to see our strengths or resolve what's wrong with our lives. Instead we deal with problems by paying some asshole $100 an hour to sit and listen to us list our defects and relive horrible moments in our past.
How is this supposed to help? Instead of delving into our past, why can't we just say, 'Hey, that was fucked up. I was abused/unloved/rejected at one point of my life--perhaps I should just get on with my life and make it so that shit doesn't happen again."
But we love to blame; it takes the responsibility off of ourselves. If only my boss wasn't such an ass, or if my spouse could stop fighting with me, or a whole list of things that other people are the cause of, not me.
Instead of bitching about what happened, forget yesterday, look at today and tomorrow. Look at what you have rather than what you lack, and say "fuck it, I don't care if it sounds vain or egotistical-I like myself, even if you assholes don't."
So what if someone once got away with screwing you over. Welcome to the world--it has pointy edges and you will get cut. Get over it, and move on. As the Bazz Luhrmann song goes, "Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's."
