I've got a joke for ya.

I Believe

that there should be a screening process for people who wear thongs.....

i believe
there should be a screening process for people who post nude selfies

This guy has a speech impediment, so he goes into a baker’s shop, and ask’s for a bum , the assistant say’s a bum ! Oh you mean a bun, The guy say’s yes a bum, Then he goes into a hardware store , and ask’s for fucket ! the assistant say’s fucket, oh you mean a bucket, the guy say’s yes a fucket, so then he goes into a jewellery shop and ask’s for a cock , the assistant say,s cock, oh you mean a clock , yes that’s what I said , a cock . On his way home a man ask’s him the time , the say’s yes of course , just hold my bum and fucket while I get my cock out.

Organicus said:

This guy has a speech impediment, so he goes into a baker’s shop, and ask’s for a bum , the assistant say’s a bum ! Oh you mean a bun, The guy say’s yes a bum, Then he goes into a hardware store , and ask’s for fucket ! the assistant say’s fucket, oh you mean a bucket, the guy say’s yes a fucket, so then he goes into a jewellery shop and ask’s for a cock , the assistant say,s cock, oh you mean a clock , yes that’s what I said , a cock . On his way home a man ask’s him the time , the say’s yes of course , just hold my bum and fucket while I get my cock out.

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that's as close to a joke as you've gotten yet, try a little harder, you're almost there

keysareme said:

They're both from C-aaaaayy

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i was gonna say they both have too many liberals and SJWs, but ig that isn't really a joke...more reality
.

BudmanTX said:

I Believe

that there should be a screening process for people who wear thongs.....

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there is, it is called counting the ppl fleeing the pool or beach

Two guys were talking on a plane and after a bit it comes out the the second guy was a Dr.
The first guy asked " Have you ever had a patient that you just wanted to screw right in the exam room?"
The Dr said " There was one patient I was doing a physical on and she was a perfect specimen of an athlete, all toned muscles from her long distance running training. It was like I was in a cartoon with the devil on one shoulder going "Just drop your pants and do her, you know she want's it!", and the angel was on the other shoulder saying "You took an oath as a Dr. to do no harm, even though you are just a veterinarian."

My friend kingrow1 is married to a very controlling woman, I talked him into going to the bar with me one night. He told me around 9oclock, that his wife said he had better be home by 10. I told him, don't worry about it, I got you man. Around 10 he was sweating and looking scared shitless, so I tell him, look, all you have to do is, when you get home, go in quiet as hell, don't make a sound. sneak into the bedroom, go to the foot of the bed and gently lift the covers up, then before she even wakes up, dive under the blanket grab her by the hips and start eating her with everything you've got. She is going to kick and she is going to scream. But if you keep going and do it right, she's eventually going to go limp, once you get to that point, she's not going to give a shit what time you came in. Kingrow1 looked worried, but thought it was a good plan, so he stayed and we closed the bar. As he got to his front door, he quietly opened it and slipped inside, slipped off his shoes and slowly walked into the bedroom, standing at the foot of the bed, he gently lifted the covers and with no hesitation flew under, grabbed her by the hips and ate her like never before. She started kicking and she started screaming and tried pushing him away, true to the plan he kept going, this went on for about 10 minutes, then she moaned loudly and suddenly went limp. Kingrow1 slipped back out of the covers and wiping his mouth walked to the bathroom, as he turned the light on, he see that his wife is sitting on the toilet, what the hell he says loudly in surprise,, Shhhhhhh! His wife tells him, your late, I'm pissed, and your mother got in at 8 and is sleeping in our bedroom.

Me and kingrow1 aren't friends anymore.

Before sex, you help each other get naked.
After sex, you dress only yourself.

Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're fucked.

Jacob

An old greybeard biker was stopped at a light and a punk rocker walked in front of him in the crosswalk. The bikers jaw dropped open looking at the green, blue, and orange spikes on the punk's head. The punk noticed the biker's reaction and asked:
"Why are you looking at me like that? Didn't you do anything crazy when you were young?"
The biker finally got over his shock and said "I drank a quart of tequila once and had sex with a peacock, I thought you were one of my kids..."

My life, best joke ever.

Flowki said:

My life, best joke ever.

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You forgot the mic drop ...