A horrible new year...

tangerinegreen555

tangerinegreen555

Well-Known Member
Haven't been around for a while, went to my 93 year old Mom's New Years Eve around 6. She hadn't been doing well the last 6 weeks, kept telling me that she was 'old' and couldn't be expected to do what she used to.

She asked me to help her to her bedroom, normally a ten second walk...after 10 minutes, we had made it about half way, she had to keep stopping to take breaks. Then as we entered her bedroom, she collapsed. Not an unconscious collapse...her legs simply would not hold her up anymore...

I had to call an ambulance, they took her to the local ER and admitted her, did lots of tests as her doctors told me there was something more than just geriatric problems here.

After 4 days of tests, they determined she had advanced cancer that had metastasized all through her...on day 5 she was placed in hospice care and just 3 short days later...she died, having never even known that she was seriously ill...

She lived independently her entire life until the last week...I'm crushed, don't feel like doing much...even getting high doesn't feel so great right now...

The hospice people called me tonight and asked if they could do anything to help. I told them going back in time 30 years and being able to relive them would be nice...other than that, there's not much anyone can do.
Maybe the family and I will feel better soon...seems pretty bleak right now. Cold and snowy here...and any inherited money seems valueless...

Nothing hurts more than irretrievable loss...nothing.
 
Really sorry to hear. Hopefully you can find solace and family here in t&t messing around and hopefully having a laugh.

I'd say try not smoking weed for a week or so, just to give yourself some time to cool off and properly digest your feelings. It may help instead of fogging your thoughts and emotions with smoke. when you come back to it you'll appreciate it more perhaps... And get super high.
 
ChingOwn is right, there are things worse than death. My mom has advanced Alzheimer's, and although she's still around and we take her from the nursing home for holidays and such, we have already mourned her. She doesn't know us, and really doesn't know herself. It's like watching them die and leave behind a meat husk that really can't do anything, like a corporeal ghost. Plus, the last few years have been hell on the family caring for her full time, and now her substantial savings is being eaten up by the nursing home until it runs out, then the State starts to pay for her. My ex's dad passed away suddenly from heart attack, and after watching me go through this with my mom, she stated that it is so merciful to go quickly and still leave something for the family as a head start. I'm sorry to hear about your mom, but it was a great run and you get to remember her as who she really was. She never lost that. Sometimes death is preferable...
 
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tyler.durden said:
ChingOwn is right, there are things worse than death. My mom has advanced Alzheimer's, and although she's still around and we take her from the nursing home for holidays and such, we have already mourned her. She doesn't know us, and really doesn't know herself. It's like watching them die and leave behind a meat husk that really can't do anything, like a corporeal ghost. Plus, the last few years have been hell on the family caring for her full time, and now her substantial savings are being eaten up by the nursing home until it runs out, then the State starts to pay for her. My ex's dad passed away suddenly from heart attack, and after watching me go through this with my mom, she stated that it is so merciful to go quickly and still leave something for the family as a head start. I'm sorry to hear about your mom, but it was a great run and you get to remember her as who she really was. She never lost that. Sometimes death is preferable...
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That sucks man, my buddies mom is in what I guess you could call the early stages of dimentia....he pays someone go spend time with her everyday but I think eventually she will have to be in a home, unfortunately I think he sees her savings as his after she dies so I don't think she'll ultimately get the care she needs, sweet lady tho kinda like another mom
 
Bublonichronic said:
That sucks man, my buddies mom is in what I guess you could call the early stages of dimentia....he pays someone go spend time with her everyday but I think eventually she will have to be in a home, unfortunately I think he sees her savings as his after she dies so I don't think she'll ultimately get the care she needs, sweet lady tho kinda like another mom
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Yep, it started off like that for my mom, too. Hopefully your buddy's mom is taking an ACHE inhibitor, that can slow the process down to give her more time. It will probably get to the point where she HAS to be in a home, as hiring someone for her full-time care will get more expensive than even a home. We wanted to be able to split my mom's savings, but after many years of us taking care of her full time, we didn't even give a fuck about the money anymore. You're just happy to get your fucking life back. It gets that bad...
 
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tangerinegreen555 said:
Haven't been around for a while, went to my 93 year old Mom's New Years Eve around 6. She hadn't been doing well the last 6 weeks, kept telling me that she was 'old' and couldn't be expected to do what she used to.

She asked me to help her to her bedroom, normally a ten second walk...after 10 minutes, we had made it about half way, she had to keep stopping to take breaks. Then as we entered her bedroom, she collapsed. Not an unconscious collapse...her legs simply would not hold her up anymore...

I had to call an ambulance, they took her to the local ER and admitted her, did lots of tests as her doctors told me there was something more than just geriatric problems here.

After 4 days of tests, they determined she had advanced cancer that had metastasized all through her...on day 5 she was placed in hospice care and just 3 short days later...she died, having never even known that she was seriously ill...

She lived independently her entire life until the last week...I'm crushed, don't feel like doing much...even getting high doesn't feel so great right now...

The hospice people called me tonight and asked if they could do anything to help. I told them going back in time 30 years and being able to relive them would be nice...other than that, there's not much anyone can do.
Maybe the family and I will feel better soon...seems pretty bleak right now. Cold and snowy here...and any inherited money seems valueless...

Nothing hurts more than irretrievable loss...nothing.
Click to expand...
That majorly sucks man, sorry to hear about your loss. Try not to fall into depression and get on with your life. Easier said than done. Stop back here soon, we're here when you're ready to take a break and have a chuckle. take care
 
So sorry man. That's terrible.

What helps sometimes, is celebrating their life. Remembering all the good times you shared and reliving them, in your mind.

I talk to people that aren't there. I know they're not there. But sometimes, it's nice to feel like they're listening. And if it's true for you, then it's real.

Much love. There's no getting over loss. Just learning to live with it.

I don't know you well, but in reading what you just wrote about your mother, you can be sure that her whole life she was so proud of you.

Xoxox.
 
tangerinegreen555 said:
Haven't been around for a while, went to my 93 year old Mom's New Years Eve around 6. She hadn't been doing well the last 6 weeks, kept telling me that she was 'old' and couldn't be expected to do what she used to.

She asked me to help her to her bedroom, normally a ten second walk...after 10 minutes, we had made it about half way, she had to keep stopping to take breaks. Then as we entered her bedroom, she collapsed. Not an unconscious collapse...her legs simply would not hold her up anymore...

I had to call an ambulance, they took her to the local ER and admitted her, did lots of tests as her doctors told me there was something more than just geriatric problems here.

After 4 days of tests, they determined she had advanced cancer that had metastasized all through her...on day 5 she was placed in hospice care and just 3 short days later...she died, having never even known that she was seriously ill...

She lived independently her entire life until the last week...I'm crushed, don't feel like doing much...even getting high doesn't feel so great right now...

The hospice people called me tonight and asked if they could do anything to help. I told them going back in time 30 years and being able to relive them would be nice...other than that, there's not much anyone can do.
Maybe the family and I will feel better soon...seems pretty bleak right now. Cold and snowy here...and any inherited money seems valueless...

Nothing hurts more than irretrievable loss...nothing.
Click to expand...
Please do not take this wrong but your mother did it right! 93 years, celebrates her last Christmas, then robs the medical community of torturing her with money making opportunities; chemo, radiation etc...... All her faculties intact until the very end. This is the definition of death with dignity, she knew, she told you, she got closure and her last memories were of you loving and helping her. I envy your mom. Damn fine way to go.

I am very sorry for your pain and loss, that has to hurt like hell but how lucky to have loved and been loved like that.
 
tyler.durden said:
ChingOwn is right, there are things worse than death. My mom has advanced Alzheimer's, and although she's still around and we take her from the nursing home for holidays and such, we have already mourned her. She doesn't know us, and really doesn't know herself. It's like watching them die and leave behind a meat husk that really can't do anything, like a corporeal ghost. Plus, the last few years have been hell on the family caring for her full time, and now her substantial savings is being eaten up by the nursing home until it runs out, then the State starts to pay for her. My ex's dad passed away suddenly from heart attack, and after watching me go through this with my mom, she stated that it is so merciful to go quickly and still leave something for the family as a head start. I'm sorry to hear about your mom, but it was a great run and you get to remember her as who she really was. She never lost that. Sometimes death is preferable...
Click to expand...
My father in law is going through it. Its hard. We are thinking of putting him in a nursing home.

He is losing who he is. Walks into rooms and pisses in garbage cans. Its sad.

Op, I would say your lucky that she lived a long life and had a good mind til the end.
 
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