Great Stoner Quotes

Few more... about a month and a half ago, right before i went to juvy.

Dude... look at that bowl. Oh my god. It's looks like a brownish green Afro.

And then... oh Shit! the buds on fire!!! (which it really wasn't, i just had a mental lapse between taking the flame away and realizing i did so)

And my buddy was like... Fire! shit... put it out... Wait, hold on. Should we really be doing that. I forget the point of all this.
Don't you need fire to smoke it?

this led to us analyzing pretty much every step we could think of into the smoking of weed... which being high happened to be a rather lengthy process

stoner_kiddie said:

These aren't quotes...but we think they're forking funny.

When Milk goes BAD...

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Been using that in my sig for two years!

i seen harold and kumar escape guantunamo bay the other day its a fucking top movie if you havet seen go get it out anyways kumar says isnt it a bit hipocritical that u put ppl in jail for smoking weed and you smoke yourself to george bush then bush simply sez do u like geting handjobs? kumar says yes then bush say so u like giving handjobs and kumar says no bush then says well ur fuckin hipocritisal to arent ya no smoke my weed ha ha ha i beleive it was alabama kush they had from memory

Not stoner quotes just stupid questions..

Im a painter and decorator and for the last week ive been painting a staircase yellow, one woman comes up to me after i have just painted on the first coat and asks "is that what colour its going to be, yellow?" im like "well i F'in hope so!" lol what did she think the paint was gonna change colour over night?

Next stupid question, im on the second floor of a 3 story building painting the staircase again and a currier comes up the stairs and asks "how do i get to the top floor?" im like "erm keep going up steps untill theres no more steps!"

Made me laugh anyway

My friend said to me when they were younger they thought bridges were there to stop the land from pulling apart!

Baz said:

Next stupid question, im on the second floor of a 3 story building painting the staircase again and a currier comes up the stairs and asks "how do i get to the top floor?" im like "erm keep going up steps untill theres no more steps!"

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Thats not stupid at all...if your painting the stairs on the 2nd floor how is anyone gonna walk up them to the 3rd floor?...Unless the building has an elevator but idk.

Ok the building has a lift but that is erelevant, im talking about a staircase u know the standard type and im painting on the second floor next to the next set of stairs...

And i was only there with a paint brush, no obstruction at all, this guy was just stupid

Baz said:

Ok the building has a lift but that is erelevant, im talking about a staircase u know the standard type and im painting on the second floor next to the next set of stairs...

And i was only there with a paint brush, no obstruction at all, this guy was just stupid

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lol. I thought it was pretty funny

That's like when my friends make some comment like, "Dude, how are you outside with no shoes on? There's snow on the ground man!"

--"Well, it's pretty easy. I picked up one foot, put it down in front of the other one...."

And then, you can see where it's going. Depends on how much of a smartass I want to be, I could go on like that for mad long. lol. (but I usually don't...)

this one time i was using a light bulb vap with my friend and our candle went out. I yelled out "STUPID SANDLE!" mixing up the sound of the c, and my friend couldnt stop laughing haha

gas is bad for the environment, lets burn it all

my mate drops the spliff and screams, i'm like what, he thought his finger had fallen off. More to do with the Ket though lol

My mate wanted to borrow a dvd, i grab it get distracted by something and put it down on my bed, turn around and am like sorry man can't find it.

Pretty much everytime i smoke something stupid gets said just hard to remember.

TheJollyBrother said:

Anyone ever had the situation where no one has a lighter and yet everyone started with one.....and after 10 minutes of searching someone ends up having six in their pockets?

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lmao happened to me once, everyone brought matches or a lighter, and then 10 minutes later nobody had one.

i went home and wen i emptied my pockets i had 3 lighters and like 4 packs of matches

Scientist: Private Miller, you've been smoking item nine for seven minutes and thirteen seconds. We're going to ask you several questions. How do you feel?
Private Miller: Ah well sir, I feel like a, like a slice of butter... melting on top of a big-ol' pile of flapjacks... yeah.
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Saul: Man, why'd we have to go to the woods?
Dale Denton: Well you didn't come up with any ideas!
Saul: Yeah, I came up with two! Nowhere and Quizno's.
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Police Liaison Officer: What the hell is that? What the hell is that?
Dale Denton: Oh, oh, it's a roach. It's a joint. I have a horrible anorexia. Honest, I thought it was decriminalized.
Police Liaison Officer: Selling drugs to minors has *not* been decriminalized. I'm the police liaison officer with this school, and I just saw a bunch of my kids comin' around the corner with their eyes as red as the devil's dic

This one is from me New Years Eve 2008, I had to stay home and watch my little brother while my parents went out so i got blazed and just went on xbox live.. A few of my famous words were..

"Dude..did I ever tell you how when they say stuff like.. Enemy Intel.. They actually mean Enemy intelligence?? I just blew your mind.."
"Woah.. my eyes are like as wide as plates."

Then someone had the idea to say i was acting delusional.. and me being completely offended by this could only respond: "Uhh no man.. Youre a delusional.."

Good Times... Gooooood Times haha.

" what the fuck is the internet? " - j and bob

A good friend once said to the other, "Hey man let go home and shit."

The friend replied stoned as all hell,"I would if I could and I would if I would."

Makes sense if you think about it...haha

"Haha this thread is the shit when your stoned!"

(said just one minute ago)

to my mate "when are you going home?"

guess where we were...

"Wait, i said dog because i saw a picture in this magazine of a bear, wait, I ment a goat"