Life bullshit... needed to get this out some how. This is why we smoke.

*Update*

I can't believe what a horrible mood I was in yesterday. I'm in a good mood today, I've been getting better at bypassing future stresses. The problems are still there and they are very real, but some of you had some really awesome things to say and it REALLY helped put some other things I hadn't thought of into perspective as well. I hope none of you think less of me for being such a downer yesterday. It was just really bad. Things were starting off bad, and I just knew it was gonna suck ass. Venting was good though, it gave me a release, and also I love hearing people's responses to things like this, I always learn such awesome stuff about life. People's perspectives on things like life and happiness are intriguing to me. So I hope you don't mind that I just picked your brains a little as well. I wont leave anyone hanging - don't worry. Here's what I wrote:

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I don't know if it does any good to list out all your problems like this but... here's what's been bothering me. What's been bothering you? Why do you smoke?
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I feel like a magnet to people that want to take advantage of other people.
I feel like I can't have shit, cuz someone else will either take it, or fuck it up.
I make 10 bucks an hour, I should be making 17-24 bucks an hour, I've finished college, got a degree, and found out AFTER having spent all those years in college that the field I majored in was highly oversaturated and I couldn't get a job.
I'm in what I thought was a perfect relationship, seems to be turning to shit, and this is REALLY bad because I know I want to marry this girl. What can I do to save a relationship that only seems to get worse on its own? I know the sayings, I know the definition of psychotic and crazy. I don't make the same mistakes twice. So then why doesn't my life get any better, ever? It has been EXACTLY the same, for the last three years.

How can I have a good day, when the only thing that makes my day go from good, to shit, is people? This is not an every other week I'm having a shitty day kinda thing, this is an every day or every other day occurance. I literally feel like that guy on Office Space, every day is the worst day I have ever had. I'm sure tomorrow's gonna be shitty too. I'm just sick of feeling like I've paid my Goddamn dues, and I haven't gotten any payout from it.
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Yall know what I'm saying? Somebody PLEASE cheer me up in the next 10 minutes, PLEASE. *beg beg beg, plead plead plead*

I think probably the hardest argument to talk about is the whole college thing. I had to take the next best thing I could do with my abilities and go with that because even now, there's still no positions available, probably in all of America. Literally. I feel the sting of my wasted years in college every day now, because I'm missing out on a seriously nice life I could've had, that I feel like I earned, but didn't even have the oportunity to get. Not forgetting to mension the money ALSO invested in my schooling, hope grant didn't buy half my damn books, and I had NO scholarships. Its like, I worked my ass off to get through college, keeping my eye on the gold, but then I get to the finish line, and the crowd that's supposed to be there to cheer you on has already gone home. Fuck this shit, I'm growing weed, I'll just get rich that way. I just don't feel like I should have to risk my life for money, when I've already given a lot of my life up for it. I wish I could just go to sleep tonight and not wake up so I could just, move on to my after-life. I'm sick of this one.

Not to say I wasn't going to already lol. I've been getting my shit together for months, my first grow is gonna be insane. It'll be nice to finally have some cash in my pocket, all I wanna do is just have a little fun so I can say "I had an awesome day, today." just once without lying.

I'm growing weed, I'll just get rich that way.

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money is the root of all evil. for more info send $9.95

The problem is how you look at life. There is no doubt that you dissatisfaction is now obvious to everyone around you. This will make you a negative personality. Nobody wants to be near this. Its catching and depressing. Take all your problems and deal with each one slowly and methodically. Be happy knowing that by doing this, you are trying. Maybe tomorrow wont be a shitty day after all. Stay positive.

Man, there are plenty of people with NO Money, No Job, NO Girlfriend and NO Dope that are happy.
Happiness is not what you have and don't have, it is an attitude.
Friend, I have learned that unhappy people tend to want to stay unhappy.
do you really want to cheer up?

I just bet that you do not want to hear any suggestions that you get here.
My suggestion is that you find and develope a relationship with a Higher Power that we call God. Sure makes me happy!

but IF youa re serious, then do something differnet! Change !

Doing the same thing will get the same results! I guarantee you!

IF AT FIRST YOU DO NOT SUCCEED, THEN KEEP ON SUCKING UNTIL YOU DO SUCK SEED!

Its best not to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend that doesnt smoke or drink cause dam they'll bitch you out, all the time about it.

Hey Purple Ganja,

Roseman made some good points. Change is key. Not to demean or lessen your problems but I will give you some background. I have lost my father and my mother in less than a years span and I bought a house with my girlfriend who has done a 180 and drinks like a fish since we bought the house. I am a recovering alkie so I had to have many talks with the girl who is also a mother of a 22 yr old and an 11 year old. It has effected us all IMMENSELY!!!
I haven't had a drink in a year and a half, I got arrested twice in 6 months after my pops passed because I was self medicating with alcohol. I was making things worse. Not to mention that I started to become finacially strapped, I was dropping a 1000.00 a month on boozing. Then last Sept. my mother passed. She had cancer since I was 18 (i'm now 33), I was there with her every step of the way, it was very hard, but I was sober and I dealt with it differently. When she passed I wanted to punch god in the face I had it with life. I was losing my temper and feeling really down. Then I was going through a manic stage for months, no sleep too much work you know the deal. It's now June and I'm feeling like a new man. I did a couple of things, first you need to have some relaxing hobbies/escapes...I got back into playing games mainly Dungeons and Dragons (it's gay but one key point is that it is social and I loved it when I was a kid) I'm finding that I still like it maybe more than when I was a kid. If you surround yourself with people in a fun enviornment it's contagious The other thing I did was I started painting again, it is so theraputic, I can't even begin to tell you. It's all about outlets my friend, chanelling negative energy into a little "get up and go" or positive energy. Turn that frustration into motivation...it's your life...right? The other thing I did was I started to see a shrink, talking to someone every couple of weeks is so amazing to me. I helps me vent my feelings and it also helps to have an outsider who is not biased tell you what he/she thinks about you and your problems. When I walk out of that office I feel like the world is mine and nothing is going to get in my way...but in a good way. Another thing I have done is try to be a good person. I lost both parents to cancer so I started there. I volunteer for Cancer runs, not running neccassarily, but helping set up the events. I also have a band and we play benefits for Breast Cancer whenever I can get something organized, I've done three since Sept and raised over 10 grand. I have also started to grow my hair for Locks for Love, when my hair gets long enough they will make a wig out of it and give it to someone going through chemo. Basically do at least one good deed a way, it makes you feel great.

I haven't figured out what to do about my girlfriend yet, but as someone said take it slow and one problem at a time. I still smoke and it does relax me but you need to remember that the problem will still be there waiting for you unless you start to take some positive steps. And I can't stress enough to channel that anger in a positive manner..anger is a gift like any other emotion. Love is key too, next time you and the old lady have a problem don't lash out tell her you love her...it's amazing how quickly the situation will diffuse itself. Then sit down when you are both ready to talk like adults (I still have problems with this but I'm learning). Say things like I really bothers me when you do so and so, not you suck because you do so and so.

Sorry for the book but I'm just trying to help. I actually feel better now...whew!!! Oh and Roseman said you need to find that higher power, I don't believe in a biblical god but I do believe in a higher power...I started to find this higher power right after my mother died, no pun intended but thank god I did. Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Keep the head up those arms pumping and put one foot in front of the other.

Some short small saying I live by "Be happy with what you have, but never complacent" And dood dont worry life is about fighting man...just keep fighting and smokin that fucking ganja bro!

Good advice Gygax. Good luck with the sober thing.

castewalpha said:

Good advice Gygax. Good luck with the sober thing.

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Thanks. I hate to say it but without my weed I couldn't have done it

Gygax1974 said:

Thanks. I hate to say it but without my weed I couldn't have done it

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I know what you mean. Untill a few months ago, I had only tried pot 1 time in high school. I'm 36 now. I got to the point where I drank every day to cope with problems. I tried to quit many times, but always gave in to the urge. I drank a 12 pack every day. I couldn't even get through one day without giving into the urge. I didn't think AA was for me so I did some research. I found some information online that said that in some people marijauna eased withdrawel from alcohol and opiats. Well I ordered some seeds, joined this site, and now I don't drink. I've never been happier. After my first harvest, I would smoke a small amount when I would crave a beer. It cured my cravings. Now I usually smoke just before I lay down for bed at night. Its a really nice way to fall asleep. No one has any idea (except my wife, and she is cool with it) that I smoke. Nor do I know anyone else who smokes. Anyway, I have rambled long enough. I'm just glad that its working for you.

Hey dude, it's sad to hear you talking like that. I know what you mean about the degree - I'm doing a particularly vocational degree in the UK, and when I come to the end of it there's a fair chance there'll be no jobs going. One answer qa lot of people have come up with is to move overseas. You thought of that? It could be the clean break you need

yeah like hypno toad and roseman say, try some change go for some change of scenery, another town, city, country, try somthing wild ie skate board down a massive hill, go skydiving, play some paint ball, say yes to everything for a day see where it gets you.

ILoveUMaryJane said:

Hey dude, it's sad to hear you talking like that. I know what you mean about the degree - I'm doing a particularly vocational degree in the UK, and when I come to the end of it there's a fair chance there'll be no jobs going. One answer qa lot of people have come up with is to move overseas. You thought of that? It could be the clean break you need

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Purple Ganja I am not sure what your line of work is but moving could be a great way to start over. Or depending on what you do you could start working for yourself. Keep your current job but try and freelance in whatever it is that you do, when you start to make contacts and or clients use that to get your foot in somewhere, or if you are lucky enough you may get enough clients that you can quit the 9-5 and do your own thing. That's what I did. I'm a computer guy, networking, troubleshooting, software, web design, and I also tutor small businesses on business software (it's amazing how many people need help with spreadsheet software etc.). it took a couple of years but I finally did it...it makes me happy and proud. That's not to say that it isn't hard though you gotta bust your arse and be structured.

HighPhi said:

yeah like hypno toad and roseman say, try some change go for some change of scenery, another town, city, country, try somthing wild ie skate board down a massive hill, go skydiving, play some paint ball, say yes to everything for a day see where it gets you.

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I might have to try this...although i'm terrified to skydive...lol
Is paintball expensive?

I feel your guys' pain, i been stressed out real bad latly too having trouble getting along with my wife & drinking too much. only been married 3 years. The only thing that has kept me going is my kids. they are real cute

anyway, the key is you really realize the beutiful parts of life when you have kids and other good stuff but never forget, life is just as ugly as it is pretty.

after all nothing is free not even the nice things life has to offer. and sure I believe in god and I hate that son of a bitch.

j/k

I dont believe in god, it would be nice but i cant. and thats a good thing cuz if there is a god and he let your parents die and allows for babies to get raped and abused and starved and blided and all the other horrble shit that goes on. if he really is up there letting this shit go on and not stopping it because of his nicly coined phase "my mysterious ways" oooooo

well then brother if he does exist and he allows these things to happend, well then he aint no god, and I would never throw my lot in with him.

I understand that god is important to a lot of people and I dont mean to mess with anyone who has built thier lives in belief.

Im just shootin straight.

pandabear said:

I feel your guys' pain, i been stressed out real bad latly too having trouble getting along with my wife & drinking too much. only been married 3 years. The only thing that has kept me going is my kids. they are real cute

anyway, the key is you really realize the beutiful parts of life when you have kids and other good stuff but never forget, life is just as ugly as it is pretty.

after all nothing is free not even the nice things life has to offer. and sure I believe in god and I hate that son of a bitch.

j/k

I dont believe in god, it would be nice but i cant. and thats a good thing cuz if there is a god and he let your parents die and allows for babies to get raped and abused and starved and blided and all the other horrble shit that goes on. if he really is up there letting this shit go on and not stopping it because of his nicly coined phase "my mysterious ways" oooooo

well then brother if he does exist and he allows these things to happend, well then he aint no god, and I would never throw my lot in with him.

I understand that god is important to a lot of people and I dont mean to mess with anyone who has built thier lives in belief.

Im just shootin straight.

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also riddle me this batmen, if the bible & religion said there was no hell or any consequances for not beliving, would most people still believe. the honest answer is no.

people believe in god out of fear, fear of death fear of hell fear that your beloveds will perish in the harsh nature.

if I had bad news, would you rather me lie to you to sugar coat it?

"Hey I got bad news, everyone you love including you is gonna die or is dieing"

you start crying.......

"oh no no no dont worry its all good you gonna go to heven you cool homey

then you start smiling.

also purple ganja, this wont cheer you up but at least you are not one of the unfortunate people born in the wrong country who are fighting for the last morsal of shit paste and rice while watching your pregnet wife and doughter dieing before your eyes.

see compared to them you got it made bro!!!!

Hanging over my bed on the ceiling is a small sign, it says

Get Up!
Show Up!
Do the next right thing!

I live by that and I am a very happy man.

Sure is difficult for me to not argue GOD here, but I 've learned that Religion and Politics can divide friends and make enemies.
I will say I sure am glad I have GOD in my life. And I feel sorry for those that do not.

People come to this site and take advise seriously about growing pot, curing it, saving it, the law, and such from total unknown strangers.
But let that same stranger try to advise you about GOD and eternity, and Happiness, finding Happiness and ................
no one listens.