Seeing Numbers? 11:11? Synchronicities? Paranoia? Deja-vu's? Schizophrenia

CannaOnerStar

Well-Known Member
I'm still on standby... so I dug into this video:


Synchronicity. I've been introspecting recently, where throughout my life it's.. "Oh, your such a nice guy, blah blah fucking blah.".
Before my response was a polite thank you, etc. Last 6 months or so it's been, with a firm smile.. "Well, no really I am not. I am a nice guy until I'm not."
(My shadow is literally screaming at them, "You don't fucking know me, let me just show you who I really really fucking am!")

I've been trying to balance this out. This video is totally getting into explaining this whole existential struggle I am feeling. Fantastic.

I mean literally if I took a psychosis test before I would be a 23-27/50... since getting diagnosed with Aspergers and gaining understanding of that and also I have really begun to explore consciousness, self improvement and spirituality, I have dropped this down to a 10/50. Major changes to lifestyle as well.

Here, some of you may be surprised:


That should be posted in the politics section. Although they would all lie about their high numbers. :twisted:
Yep shadow is a tricky thing to master. But Jung did say that taming the shadow is only the apprentices work and the masters thesis is to master your relationship with the Anima. This idea of Anima and Animus is that we all have male and female aspects in our psyche, but the persona(sorta like your social imago) and ego does not(usually) want to relate with the aspects of opposite sex and it is therefore projected onto other people of opposite sex that show similar opposite qualities to ego and persona, which is also what the inner woman or man is like.

My approach to shadow is not for everyone and i definitely dont recommend doing the same thing unless you already know yourself well enough to know that this is the way you should go. But what i do is i try not to repress or suppress my shadow at all initially, i let all these shadow stuff enter my consciousness freely, but i dont freely act on its impulses. Instead i also hold the good side of things in my consciousness as well and choose not to automatically go along with the shadow and end up choosing the opposite thing to act out. I listen to it through this and while it is taxing to have all sorts of wicked stuff going through your mind, i find it to be worth it to me. Even tho i dont automatically follow it, sometimes i can figure out very valuable things through it. Not by listening to it and taking what it communicates as some supreme truth to follow, but there is a reason why it does what it does and wants what it wants.

But this is only one side of the shadow. The truth is that there is tons and tons of good in the shadow as well, its not all bad, actually i wouldnt even say that it is bad. What it is, is the aspects of our Self which we are not aware of, because of ego. And its this ego-shadow relationship that is the unhealthy part, which people tend to start with and which seems to control most peoples lives to very large degree for all their lives.

What the shadow is is just things that the ego does not want to relate with, but which still are part of you. The fact that there is violence in the shadow shows that there has been some suppressed/repressed things that relate to ego or persona wanting to be good to others. The thing is that if you are pushed beyond your true boundaries with this whole being good thing, you have repressed the aspect of you that would had wanted to say that "this is too much" or something. This ofc is there with everyone to some degree, but with some people this "being good" complex has grown bigger and this has also made the shadow aspect of this bigger as well.

And the thing with not integrating these aspects to consciousness properly and adapting your ego and persona to have better boundaries about this, the impulse from the shadow might be so strong that it makes you act completely irrational and against the best interest of everyone(including yourself). Maybe you have some times gotten so angry that you have completely lost control, or seen someone have this sort of episode. This is what we could call shadow possession, a short term one.

To avoid this sort of irrational acts that stem from some irrational impulses from the shadow, we need to develop the ego and its relation to contents of the unconscious and shadow. We need to face our shadow in one way or another, or else how would you ever be able to become conscious of it to take charge of it?

But even if you tame the shadow as is, new things come to it over time and you need to not only be conscious of its corrent contents and adapt ego to its contents in healthier way that you can consciously process it. But you also need a healthy relationship between your ego and unconscious in general. This is what the true indepth meaning of Anima/Animus is, even tho its expressed in matters of love, especially the so called "love at first sight" etc. and even tho the relationship of opposites with anima/animus is more to persona than ego and egos relationship of opposite is more on shadow than anima/animus. But the thing is that things that you are unconscious of tends to mix up together and express itself in chaotic manner through impulses to act on.



By the way, here is another great youtube channel:

It is largely about hermeticism and eastern stuff from hermetic point of view, but its all the same as with gnosticism in its core, with some differences to methodology that i dont think are very important and they dont exclude each others, but more like complement because its same stuff from different perspective, so there is always something you can see from one perspective you cant from another. This is why i think its extremely ignorant to choose one learned perspective on spirituality and believing its all there is and that everything else is just lies from some evil people. The fact is that even the australian aboriginals, despite looking like very simple people with apparently not much smart things to say about, also have very great wisdom in their spiritual teachings. However i dont think it needs to be read literally, like no religion should, but the things being metaphorical truths from one perspective about something that no one can ever explain fully. It doesent make sense that words that our limited minds have invented could express the totality of All that is, was and ever will be.. and do it in a way that other people could understand as the one explaining it intended.
 
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DrKiz

Well-Known Member
Thanks for the interesting discussion!

This idea of Anima and Animus is that we all have male and female aspects in our psyche, but the persona(sorta like your social imago) and ego does not(usually) want to relate with the aspects of opposite sex
I think I've been trying to explore this recently. My girlfriend is very understanding and is a "talker", and she has been slowly getting me to do the same, open up and share with her. It's been pretty emotional. I am not used to crying, and I've done alot recently communicating with her. Initially it felt like I "was acting like a woman", and told her as much. But over time it's actually done alot of good. IDK if this is what you mean, but I've been trying to abandon some of my preconceived notions of what it is to be a "Man" and just try to be true to the moment.

I haven't got into the animus yet, maybe it will be clearer once I dig more.

My approach to shadow is not for everyone and i definitely dont recommend doing the same thing unless you already know yourself well enough to know that this is the way you should go. But what i do is i try not to repress or suppress my shadow at all initially, i let all these shadow stuff enter my consciousness freely, but i dont freely act on its impulses.
I do this alot man. I was thinking too much though. My shadow plots revenge and violence and wishes pain upon people if they slight me. It's fucked up. Takes a lot of control, and this is why I don't consume alcohol anymore. Caused me alot of trouble, both legal and relationship wise. Fortunately I've restrained myself from violence mostly but it's been too close for comfort many a time. I feel ashamed for my outbursts if pushed too far. Talking to you and listening to that video has helped alot to understand the thought processes. I know I can't help the thoughts that come into my head, as they just are... but learning how to deal with them is one of my goals.

What the shadow is is just things that the ego does not want to relate with, but which still are part of you. The fact that there is violence in the shadow shows that there has been some suppressed/repressed things that relate to ego or persona wanting to be good to others. The thing is that if you are pushed beyond your true boundaries with this whole being good thing, you have repressed the aspect of you that would had wanted to say that "this is too much" or something. This ofc is there with everyone to some degree, but with some people this "being good" complex has grown bigger and this has also made the shadow aspect of this bigger as well.
Which is I guess what you are saying above. It's part of me and I don't want it to be. So a struggle between my ego and alter-ego back and forth. Crazy interesting! Makes sense though!

act completely irrational and against the best interest of everyone(including yourself). Maybe you have some times gotten so angry that you have completely lost control....This is what we could call shadow possession, a short term one.
Yeah, that's how I've described it, feeling like I was possessed. It almost feels like someone else is behind the wheel... It's scary man. It's extremely scary for someone to witness, so I've been told. It feels bad to scare people you care about. It's the complete opposite of what I believe to be me. Truly a Jekyl and Hyde situation. Ditching the alcohol, I still have outbursts... but not full on shadow possession. I'm sure it's still possible though if I was pushed extremely far.. for example if someone threatened my family I know what would happen. (There, just gave myself an adrenaline dump just typing that with the visual of someone hurting my family... rage!)

To avoid this sort of irrational acts that stem from some irrational impulses from the shadow, we need to develop the ego and its relation to contents of the unconscious and shadow. We need to face our shadow in one way or another, or else how would you ever be able to become conscious of it to take charge of it?
I am conscious of it, so I guess I just need to study more and understand how to take charge of it. Introspection I guess is the key.
its extremely ignorant to choose one learned perspective on spirituality and believing its all there is and that everything else is just lies from some evil people. .... also have very great wisdom in their spiritual teachings... dont think it needs to be read literally, like no religion should, but the things being metaphorical truths from one perspective about something that no one can ever explain fully. It doesent make sense that words that our limited minds have invented could express the totality of All that is, was and ever will be.. and do it in a way that other people could understand as the one explaining it intended.
Yes, I don't trust the word of just one man, religion, or book. Somewhere in all of that, a little here, a little there... nuggets of truth. Somewhere in it all are answers, and truths.

Do you ever get to the point some days that you just want to shut it all down? Not have to think, and instead just be?

I literally just want to be dumb sometimes so life would be easier.
 

CannaOnerStar

Well-Known Member
Thanks for the interesting discussion!



I think I've been trying to explore this recently. My girlfriend is very understanding and is a "talker", and she has been slowly getting me to do the same, open up and share with her. It's been pretty emotional. I am not used to crying, and I've done alot recently communicating with her. Initially it felt like I "was acting like a woman", and told her as much. But over time it's actually done alot of good. IDK if this is what you mean, but I've been trying to abandon some of my preconceived notions of what it is to be a "Man" and just try to be true to the moment.

I haven't got into the animus yet, maybe it will be clearer once I dig more.
Yes this is about it! At least its surface level and bit deeper what you talked about crying etc. Much of this is normal behaviour and its psychology really. It is often that female aspect of the psyche that ego tends to hold onto the most in men, due to persona(social mask generated throughout the life) forcing the idea of having to act masculine.



I do this alot man. I was thinking too much though. My shadow plots revenge and violence and wishes pain upon people if they slight me. It's fucked up. Takes a lot of control, and this is why I don't consume alcohol anymore. Caused me alot of trouble, both legal and relationship wise. Fortunately I've restrained myself from violence mostly but it's been too close for comfort many a time. I feel ashamed for my outbursts if pushed too far. Talking to you and listening to that video has helped alot to understand the thought processes. I know I can't help the thoughts that come into my head, as they just are... but learning how to deal with them is one of my goals.
Ohh yeah :fire:

Personally i have always been in good control over my feelings, so i never had some violent outbursts, altho there have been situations where i have been very close to it. I think the self-control about this has also been strengthened by martial arts practises. Especially when i was in Shorinji Kempo, which is almost on the same level of brutality of krav maga(a lot of same or similar moves/attacks) utilising pressure points etc. but also incorporating buddhist philosophy to it and the whole practise thing has a big spiritual aspect of it, certain forms of practise are seen as a kind of a form of prayer.

But yea my mind does wander into very dark places, but i have learned to utilise it in self-defence without having to act out physically. Id rather not talk about this sort of stuff in the open(its the type of jedi mind tricks that people on the wrong path should not be aware of, but you seem to be on the right path), hit me with a PM if you are really interested.

The thing is that this violent side also has its place, but it definitely needs to be restrained and only let loose in extreme danger.


Which is I guess what you are saying above. It's part of me and I don't want it to be. So a struggle between my ego and alter-ego back and forth. Crazy interesting! Makes sense though!
Personally i would not use the term alter-ego. These archetypes like the shadow(or for example fool, wise old man, mother, father, trickster etc) are like entities of their own. Like if you look at how brains work, at the cortex level at least the different parts are not much at all aware of what other parts are doing and they work independently. But then at times some part of the brain pushes stuff in the ego consciousness and we become aware of the output from that brain area. We dont get the full process of the area in our consciousness, but just what was the end deduction/processing of that area and that info might then get mixed with other inputs to areas where conscious experience arises.

With archetypes its similar in how they function independently, but ofc their input is different than from eye for example. They roam in the unconscious mind and often effect the thought processes at unconscious levels, guiding consciousness to certain direction etc. But at times they can take over in more profound ways.

Some Jungians label physical structures of whole body as archetypal structures, because they are coded in genes and expressed from it, which is really what the collective unconscious and archetypes are about, physiological structures in the body/brains that have psychological effects and which we all share due to being human. Ofc there is the whole esoteric side to this as well, as above, so below. Hindu gods are these archetypes, movies are full of archetypal characters. Star wars and Lord of the Rings are good examples of this, but its apparent in nearly all movies, whether the people who made the movies knew about them or not. They also seem to appear in religions and mythology that have no connection with each others, suggesting that these things are baked into our very structure.

Yeah, that's how I've described it, feeling like I was possessed. It almost feels like someone else is behind the wheel... It's scary man. It's extremely scary for someone to witness, so I've been told. It feels bad to scare people you care about. It's the complete opposite of what I believe to be me. Truly a Jekyl and Hyde situation. Ditching the alcohol, I still have outbursts... but not full on shadow possession. I'm sure it's still possible though if I was pushed extremely far.. for example if someone threatened my family I know what would happen. (There, just gave myself an adrenaline dump just typing that with the visual of someone hurting my family... rage!)



I am conscious of it, so I guess I just need to study more and understand how to take charge of it. Introspection I guess is the key.
Yes introspection definitely is the key. Its all about the Self.


Yes, I don't trust the word of just one man, religion, or book. Somewhere in all of that, a little here, a little there... nuggets of truth. Somewhere in it all are answers, and truths.
YES!


Do you ever get to the point some days that you just want to shut it all down? Not have to think, and instead just be?

I literally just want to be dumb sometimes so life would be easier.
I used to feel that way more in the past. I used to drink beer to combat overthinking. I used to drink like 3-5 times a week, but usually only like 3-5 beers, but 7-9 beers 1 or 2 times a week also. And smoke weed also when i had some, but i didnt have any too often. Then at some point when i had more weed, i started to skip drinking and just smoke weed. Then i noticed few weeks later that i havent been drinking at all, i didnt drink for few more weeks and just smoked weed 3-7 days a week. Then i tried drinking again, even tho i didnt have any urge for it, and im not sure if i had gotten dumb enough or what, but it felt horrible. Like starting to feel like you are coming down from it before it even starts to kick in properly, gave an headache etc small nausea from even like two beers. This was like 3 years ago or so, since then i have tried to drink a bit few times, but it was always only unpleasant or slightly unpleasant and i dont want to be in that state of mind anymore at all, even the idea of being drunk makes me feel like :spew: Which im happy about and i dont ind that i dont have some drug that can get me fucked up that i enjoy. I have such tolerances to weed that i dont think most people would notice that im high even if i had just smoked as much as my lungs can physically take.

You know, information creates suffering, understanding does not! Think about it
 

spliffendz

Well-Known Member
Just had another synchronicity, was just about to click a thread titled "Water?" and the standup comedian playing in the background said 'water' at exactly the same time that I read and clicked the thread.
 

Macncheesehaze

Well-Known Member
Really awesome thread here. I developed mental health disorders just to counteract my mental health disorders. Still haven’t finished reading everything up to this point just wanted to chime in. Anyone here ever study the Kabbalah?
 

Macncheesehaze

Well-Known Member
Numbers took me to kaballah
It’ll mess you up if your not ready! They say you should be 40 to start studying it. Heavy stuff. I’ve read a ridiculous amount of religious and spiritual texts. Everything from the Quran to L. Ron Hubbards An introduction to Scientology Ethics. Learned about the Kabbalah from a Jewish guy in the Box in prison I randomly wound up being cellies with. I actually just started learning about angel numbers. I see 37 and 44 a lot. And not just on my phone. But when I like google the angle numbers, and also just random numbers, they seem very much the same.
 

spliffendz

Well-Known Member
Ser
It’ll mess you up if your not ready! They say you should be 40 to start studying it. Heavy stuff. I’ve read a ridiculous amount of religious and spiritual texts. Everything from the Quran to L. Ron Hubbards An introduction to Scientology Ethics. Learned about the Kabbalah from a Jewish guy in the Box in prison I randomly wound up being cellies with. I actually just started learning about angel numbers. I see 37 and 44 a lot. And not just on my phone. But when I like google the angle numbers, and also just random numbers, they seem very much the same.
oH FCUK 37 was my MAIN thang :O :O :O :O
 

Macncheesehaze

Well-Known Member
Ser

oH FCUK 37 was my MAIN thang :O :O :O :O
Yeah 44 and 37 keep saying I’m on the right track type stuff but it’s confusing because my mind and my body are doing different shit lol my body’s going through the routine of the daily grind. My mind and spirit have bells and whistles going off saying ABORT!!! get a bus ticket and disappear.
 

spliffendz

Well-Known Member
Yeah 44 and 37 keep saying I’m on the right track type stuff but it’s confusing because my mind and my body are doing different shit lol my body’s going through the routine of the daily grind. My mind and spirit have bells and whistles going off saying ABORT!!! get a bus ticket and disappear.
 

Merkn4aSquirtn

Well-Known Member
Since I was a kid, I’d consistently see the # 929
Can’t recall how many times I’ve looked at a clock to see those numbers.
My favorite radio station growing up was 92.9
I even have that number pattern at the end of my SS#.

It comes and goes.
My lucky #’s I guess
 

Nutty sKunK

Well-Known Member
Get these from time to time. 11:11 was the most usual culprit.

My bro had a period where he couldn’t look at a clock without seeing the time.
 
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