The People of Craigslist :D

Did we hook up at the Megadeth/Motorhead concert? - w4m

Date: 2012-04-09, 3:41PM CDT

Me: Blue hair, silver tube top, fishnets, Knee high black biker boots. You: Red mohawk, black pentagram gauges, viper piercings.

I was grinding on you in the pit, then we went to the bathroom, and got fucked up. You had a nice cock and I was wasted so I let raw dog it in the stall. You were really good and you had to gag me so I would make too much noise.

Anyway I'm pregnant. It's yours. contact me if you want to be part of your child's life.

new york > Can I flush your head in a toilet while blasting Hall & Oates? m4w Originally Posted: Tue, 13 Oct 18:21 EDT
[h=2]Can I flush your head in a toilet while blasting Hall & Oates? m4w[/h] [HR][/HR] Date: 2009-10-13, 6:21PM EDT
[HR][/HR]
I want to flush your head repeatedly in the toilet while making love to your behind. Hall & Oates will be playing at top volume, at some point "Highway to the Danger Zone" will be played for sure. My house smells amazing and my penis is not sick or deformed. Don't act like you haven't thought about this exact scenario before.

• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

SF bay area > To the guy doing my wife at my house - mw4mw Originally Posted: Wed, 23 Sep 14:40 PDT
[h=2]To the guy doing my wife at my house - mw4mw[/h] [HR][/HR] Date: 2009-09-23, 2:40PM PDT
[HR][/HR]
To the guy doing my wife. You know who you are. Yes I know. No I am not angry; I would just ask a few things of you. After all you are giving it to my wife.

1. Please stop leaving the seat up, I keep getting blamed and it is starting to get old.

2. You may be giving me a chance to go fishing more often but please stop drinking all my beer. It is fine if you have a couple while you visit (god knows I drink plenty before I find her attractive), but please leave me a few as I have to be there longer than you.

3. If you do drink the last one buy more or leave money on the counter I will pick some up.

4. Please replace the toilet paper when you use it all. For some reason my 5 year old son believes if its not there he does not have to wipe. We keep it under the sink, unless you can recommend a better spot?

5. After doing my wife please use something disposable to wipe off with. The basket of clothes on the right is mine and the clothes are clean as my wife does not do my washing, I run out of time rushing to work. Last week my sweatshirt was crusty (thanks).

6. Please do not tell my children that you are their uncle, they are young not
mentally challenged.

7. Please stop turning the heat up, you pay nothing and MUD is putting it in my ass, my wife may like it but I think it hurts.

8. When she asks "do these pants make me look fat", say no. You may think giving a different answer will make her think twice about eating a gallon of ice cream a day but all you are doing is giving her a reason to go buy more pants that she will look just as fat in.

9.Stop eating the baked goods. The brownies you ate were from my mom for my birthday. My wife has not cooked anything that good for years and if she does she will not share.

10. Try shifting your weight when you sit on my chair. The recliner that I rarely have time for (soccer games and practice, basketball camp for the kids takes much of my time and I try to help with school work too) has a grove in it that forces me to roll to the left.

Lastly I would like thank you for taking her to lunch on Valentines Day. She was not as hungry as usual and only ordered one meal. I may be able to use the money I saved to take the children to a movie. I hope you can help me with these items, it may become awkward if I have to confront her. If you can do this for me I will give you a heads up on when I will be gone and for how long so that you don't feel rushed.

P.S. I am going to take the kids to the Sunset State Beach Camping on the 26th of September for two days; I have a bottle of vodka above the fridge if you find yourself low on beer.

Thanks. This was not written by anyone named [deleted].

• Location: San Jose
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

this has to be one of the best threads I have read in my life.

Girlfriend says, my lab must go

Date: 2011-03-14, 7:04PM EDT

New girlfriend is not a fan of my 8 year old lab, and says i need to make a craigslist add to find him a good home.....so here you go honey

Free to good home

1 jealous nagging dog hating girlfriend

make an offer or look in the free section if she keeps it up and gets kicked to the curb

lol now thats funny

KushXOJ said:

Did we hook up at the Megadeth/Motorhead concert? - w4m

Date: 2012-04-09, 3:41PM CDT

Me: Blue hair, silver tube top, fishnets, Knee high black biker boots. You: Red mohawk, black pentagram gauges, viper piercings.

I was grinding on you in the pit, then we went to the bathroom, and got fucked up. You had a nice cock and I was wasted so I let raw dog it in the stall. You were really good and you had to gag me so I would make too much noise.

Anyway I'm pregnant. It's yours. contact me if you want to be part of your child's life.

Click to expand...

SF bay area > Bong Operations Engineer Originally Posted: Fri, 28 Aug 15:00 PDT
[h=2]Bong Operations Engineer[/h] [HR][/HR] Date: 2009-08-28, 3:00PM PDT
[HR][/HR]
Certified bong polisher and operations engineer. Twelve years experience with water-based pipes and clogged tubes, Ruby-on-Rails, resin, Apache Bong server, Vaporizer, and Java.

Previous job experience:

2005 - 2009
Couch Warmer
Sat on friends couch and surfed the Internet on my laptop.
DUTIES:
polished bongs
washed dishes
edited Wikipedia
Played Team Fortress 2
refilled bongs
built multi-national corporation from scratch, overnight, then dissolved it when patent lawsuit arrived from East Texas.

2000 - 2005
Hobo

1999 - 2000
CEO
GreatEntertainmentPlaceToBuyEntertaining.com
Owner, founder, marketing chief for startup Web site
DUTIES:
Smoked lots of bongloads
Raised $25 million from Dirt Hill
Raised Series B of $560 million from Koal Slaw Ventures

1993 - 1999
Boot Black
SF Market Street
DUTIES
Polished boots

Seeking bongification

ADO, .net C# C++ Java Java Java Java Java Java ruby java python perl bong java perl {LISP} haskell erlang amazon web services cloud sysadmin bonging donging bond HVAC HPVC

• it's ok to contact this poster if you are a potential employer or other principal
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job seeker.

Tranceus said:

lol now thats funny

Click to expand...

not to her lol

Tranceus said:

hi there i am a 25 year old woman seeking a kind hearted man who does not play games and knows how to treat a woman right. i am tired of these men who say they r going to do something and never do it. i would like a man who can stick to his word. i may not have much to offer as far as money goes but i have my heart and kindness and love to offer. i believe family is important in people lives. i have no kinds but if u do tht is fine kids are my heart and i would do anything for them. i enjoy doing a variety of thing such as fishing camping swimming walking the beach looking at the stars at night cuddling horse back riding and much more. i am not into one night stand i am looking for some one to possibly start a relationship with if everything goes well. i am look for a man who has a good head on his shoulders and can actually be honest looking for ages 26-35 if there is any real men out there and would like the chance to get to know me give me a text my number is 850 six two eight 4197 tell me ur favorite color so i know its u responding to my ad thank u for reading this and i hope there is some one out there i can send pics also if u like thank you for ur time hope to hear from u soon. also i am not one of these women who put out i have morals and standards i am old fashion i don't just jump in to bed with some one also u can add me on face book if u like add me miranda chalk its the one with me and a horse also send me a message telling me about urself also thank u hope to hear from some one tht is the same to a point or add me on facebook miranda chalk pic with horse

Click to expand...

Brian Urlacher??

F A B said:

SF bay area > To the guy doing my wife at my house - mw4mw Originally Posted: Wed, 23 Sep 14:40 PDT
To the guy doing my wife at my house - mw4mw

[HR][/HR] Date: 2009-09-23, 2:40PM PDT
[HR][/HR]
To the guy doing my wife. You know who you are. Yes I know. No I am not angry; I would just ask a few things of you. After all you are giving it to my wife.

1. Please stop leaving the seat up, I keep getting blamed and it is starting to get old.

2. You may be giving me a chance to go fishing more often but please stop drinking all my beer. It is fine if you have a couple while you visit (god knows I drink plenty before I find her attractive), but please leave me a few as I have to be there longer than you.

3. If you do drink the last one buy more or leave money on the counter I will pick some up.

4. Please replace the toilet paper when you use it all. For some reason my 5 year old son believes if its not there he does not have to wipe. We keep it under the sink, unless you can recommend a better spot?

5. After doing my wife please use something disposable to wipe off with. The basket of clothes on the right is mine and the clothes are clean as my wife does not do my washing, I run out of time rushing to work. Last week my sweatshirt was crusty (thanks).

6. Please do not tell my children that you are their uncle, they are young not
mentally challenged.

7. Please stop turning the heat up, you pay nothing and MUD is putting it in my ass, my wife may like it but I think it hurts.

8. When she asks "do these pants make me look fat", say no. You may think giving a different answer will make her think twice about eating a gallon of ice cream a day but all you are doing is giving her a reason to go buy more pants that she will look just as fat in.

9.Stop eating the baked goods. The brownies you ate were from my mom for my birthday. My wife has not cooked anything that good for years and if she does she will not share.

10. Try shifting your weight when you sit on my chair. The recliner that I rarely have time for (soccer games and practice, basketball camp for the kids takes much of my time and I try to help with school work too) has a grove in it that forces me to roll to the left.

Lastly I would like thank you for taking her to lunch on Valentines Day. She was not as hungry as usual and only ordered one meal. I may be able to use the money I saved to take the children to a movie. I hope you can help me with these items, it may become awkward if I have to confront her. If you can do this for me I will give you a heads up on when I will be gone and for how long so that you don't feel rushed.

P.S. I am going to take the kids to the Sunset State Beach Camping on the 26th of September for two days; I have a bottle of vodka above the fridge if you find yourself low on beer.

Thanks. This was not written by anyone named [deleted].

• Location: San Jose
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Click to expand...

bhahahahaha

Manhood Camping

Date: 2011-05-08, 7:35PM PDT

Manhood Camping Firequest. Lookin' for a 100% for real bros to share/experience manhood in all its glory. This is for real, I don't want to waste my time or yours. 100% JO and manhood, no sugar added. I AM NOT GAY. Don't even think this is a sex thing, it's all about manhood.

Looking for bros to head into the woods and bond by fire, experience life as men once lived it, JO circle, and fire/vision quests.

THIS IS NOT A SEX THING.

Gonna need some basic things/skills, I don't want to be slowed down by fools:

- must be in reasonable shape, if you get winded walking then stay home - Ed Hardy camping gear, it's really good gear and it's awesome - desire to be a man among men - not afraid to wield a blade - crystal, I'm not sharing mine - must be able to make a fire - gloves - a knowledge of native vegetation (knowledge of psychotropic fungus a plus) - knowledge of modern music - protective/splash resistant eye wear - 5 - 10 of those clip things that rock climbers use

We are gonna need a mobile music device, ipod or something. I'm bringing the music for the firequests and visionquests, Nickleback's The Long Road. I only have it on CD, so I'll have my discman as a last resort, an ipod would be nicer. Just sayin'.

Dont' want to see"

- bad attitudes - gay/homoerotic behavior, this is a manhood thing. I AM NOT GAY. - cock rings, can't keep it up w/o help, you aren't gonna make it on this quest - firearms, there's gonna be enough guns going off and spent shells to pick up - the nerds/dorks/lames/and anyone less than 100% into manhood.

If you are serious, then I promise you this will be the trip of your life. It will change the way you think. I'm serious, and I AM NOT GAY. To see a group of bros being men, a JO circle by a camp fire. The charge/energy in the air. Crystals get jacked, no lie. You will slip into a different frame of mind, you will feel electric.

Last outing, we had a group that was so charged we attracted bears. It was no deal, nature knew man was in the forest, the crystals gave us the confidence to own those bears. I saw it, I was there.

100% SERIOUS, NO FAKERS

Location: Aqua Caliente it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

KushXOJ said:

Manhood Camping

Date: 2011-05-08, 7:35PM PDT

Manhood Camping Firequest. Lookin' for a 100% for real bros to share/experience manhood in all its glory. This is for real, I don't want to waste my time or yours. 100% JO and manhood, no sugar added. I AM NOT GAY. Don't even think this is a sex thing, it's all about manhood.

Looking for bros to head into the woods and bond by fire, experience life as men once lived it, JO circle, and fire/vision quests.

THIS IS NOT A SEX THING.

Gonna need some basic things/skills, I don't want to be slowed down by fools:

- must be in reasonable shape, if you get winded walking then stay home - Ed Hardy camping gear, it's really good gear and it's awesome - desire to be a man among men - not afraid to wield a blade - crystal, I'm not sharing mine - must be able to make a fire - gloves - a knowledge of native vegetation (knowledge of psychotropic fungus a plus) - knowledge of modern music - protective/splash resistant eye wear - 5 - 10 of those clip things that rock climbers use

We are gonna need a mobile music device, ipod or something. I'm bringing the music for the firequests and visionquests, Nickleback's The Long Road. I only have it on CD, so I'll have my discman as a last resort, an ipod would be nicer. Just sayin'.

Dont' want to see"

- bad attitudes - gay/homoerotic behavior, this is a manhood thing. I AM NOT GAY. - cock rings, can't keep it up w/o help, you aren't gonna make it on this quest - firearms, there's gonna be enough guns going off and spent shells to pick up - the nerds/dorks/lames/and anyone less than 100% into manhood.

If you are serious, then I promise you this will be the trip of your life. It will change the way you think. I'm serious, and I AM NOT GAY. To see a group of bros being men, a JO circle by a camp fire. The charge/energy in the air. Crystals get jacked, no lie. You will slip into a different frame of mind, you will feel electric.

Last outing, we had a group that was so charged we attracted bears. It was no deal, nature knew man was in the forest, the crystals gave us the confidence to own those bears. I saw it, I was there.

100% SERIOUS, NO FAKERS

Location: Aqua Caliente it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Click to expand...

[video=youtube;pG9hCSUckCg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pG9hCSUckCg[/video]

F A B said:

[video=youtube;pG9hCSUckCg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pG9hCSUckCg[/video]

Click to expand...

I like the fact that he feels the need to emphasize HE IS NOT GAY. Obviously Rue Paul's twin brother.

WaxxyNuggets said:

Hi everyone,

I moved to Spokane last September from Vancouver, WA. I am orginally from California. I am a Cosmetology student right now but am thinking of changing careet paths we will see. I have to say Spokane is differant than what I am use too. The people are friendly, it's green, there is a lot to do outdoors and the weather is different almost every day! I do not really know anyone in the area. I'm a bit shy and quiet when I first meet someone. I consider myself to be honest, caring, sensitive, a good listener, outgoing, laid back and a good all around female. I am 5'4 Brown eyes, I have brown hair that is dyed red with bloond highlights, I am white and hispanic, and I am a BBW. I enjoy spending time with friends, camping, fishing,exploring new placs, movies, concernts, theater, the outdoors, travel, trying new restaurants, dancing and anything else that is fun and exciting. I'm also a big dog lover and I love kids as well. I'm single, never been married. I am a opened minded. I want to meet people that like me for who I am, do not do drugs, a good sense of humor, fun, outgoing, and are just kind and sweet . I AM NOT LOOKING to jump in to bed with someone right away. Please feel free to contact me anytime. Hope you're having a great summer!

Edit: I'd be worried about my bed frame if she even had the thought of jumping...

Click to expand...

I might be old school but what's a BBW?? Currently I'm under the impression that it means Big Bad Woolymammoth

FresnoFarmer said:

I might be old school but what's a BBW?? Currently I'm under the impression that it means Big Bad Woolymammoth

Click to expand...

thats about the same meaning

san diego > cock shot etiquette Originally Posted: Sat, 22 Aug 21:50 PDT
[h=2]cock shot etiquette[/h] [HR][/HR] Date: 2009-08-22, 9:50PM PDT
[HR][/HR]
since so many guys post cock shots on CL, i thought i'd offer some advice from a woman's perspective on how to do it right. or better. first, have good lighting. maybe a soft glow or indirect light. it's pleasing to the eye. make sure you don't have alot of riff raff in the shot. after all, this is the pic that is going to make the ladies run to you. you know, get us in the mood because nothing turns a girl on more than your 9" tool and promises of all nighters. the riff raff you want to hide is your dirty laundry laying all over the bedroom floor, your twin bed, your roomies twin bed, trash, beer cans, bongs and please hide the many computer/tv cables snaking all around your student desk. also, we don't really want to see your tighty whities bunched down around your junk, your hairy gut or thighs or any kind of measuring device proving your inches. (to the guy who posted his cock shot posed all rigid like next to a bud beer can for measuring purposes or proof of his commoner status: way to rock the comedy world!) nor do we want to see your pants laying all around your feet so we can see your tool from above. this really makes the tube socks the issue at hand and you don't want that. the most important thing to keep in mind is location! i am begging you, as a lover of the 'big one', do not pose your dick over the toilet. we don't really want to see your bathroom shower doors or towels either. in fact, stay out of the bathroom. you guys need to think outside the box if you want to get in the box. be creative! pose your tool on black velvet. pose it on sheep skin. pose it with a piece of jewelry draping it's girth. oh! pose it with hundreds! pose it with keys to your jag or bmw m6 or 7 series dangling off the tip. if you have a prius or any kind of hybrid, don't use this method. wicked fast and expensive autos only. you see where i'm going? you can do so much more than this. women are tired of plain old cock shots. yeah, we love it, we want it bad, we want it 'all night long' (duh) but we need to see some creativity to get us to hit the reply button to 'hit you up'. i'm trying to help you boys get some..

• Location: lookinatit
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

seattle > Porn laptop Originally Posted: Sun, 19 Jul 19:10 PDT
[h=2]Porn laptop[/h] [HR][/HR] Date: 2009-07-19, 7:10PM PDT
[HR][/HR]
I have an older laptop, about 8 years old, it's a blue toshiba. It has a few missing keys and a few scratches, and only about 40 gigs of free space. I got a newer laptop though and I don't need this one. I call it a porn laptop because I'm pretty sure it has a few viruses and stuff, but I still use it for porn. It runs internet pretty fast and I already have about 200 favorites of porn sites saved in my favorites for firefox. It works for porn perfectly, but not big or fast enough for music/video editing or any of that. I wouldn't type any credit card info with it though, like I said it has some viruses and spyware so it's not worth the risk. Great for porn though.
So if you just want an extra laptop to sneak in your office that is dedicated just for porn, I got your back.
Give me an email, price is negotiable

• Location: Renton
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

F A B said:

new hampshire > My Porn Watching Pig Boyfriend Originally Posted: Fri, 5 Mar 13:18 EST
My Porn Watching Pig Boyfriend

[HR][/HR] Date: 2010-03-05, 1:18PM EST
[HR][/HR]
So you like watching these porn-sluts get pounded and creamed? OK, I get it, I kind of like some of that too. It's rather entertaining, if not slightly disturbing/fascinating to WATCH.

But now you're getting all fucked up with me, and although I keep taking it from you, you're probably on the way out, and I'm trying to think of ways to get you back. Because, at the end of the day, the "new" hardcore is rather degrading, and there are too many limits being pushed. Here are a few of mine that keep getting tested:

1) If you don't stop slapping my tits and pinching my nipples that way, you won't ever see them again. I hope you like my parka, cause it's going to become my new lingerie.

2) Don't ever spit on my face again, I think I made that clear, sorry about the sore balls.

3) I used to feel proud that I could swallow, now I feel pretty gross after you dick whip me and make me eat it off your cock and fingers like it's punishment. I would do all that for you anyway, but when you hold my hair and call me names and make me, there's that line I was talking about.

4) Pussy to mouth is kind of freaky, I'm totally ok with that. Ass to mouth is something else altogether, stop even joking about it. If you should ever decide to "forge ahead" with that one and see how it goes, I'll bite your fucking dick off, I swear I will. If I don't manage that in the moment, I'll get you in your sleep.

Thanks for listening sweetheart. By the way how did your coffee taste this morning?

• Location: to boyfriends everywhere
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Click to expand...

selective reading

F A B said:

san diego > cock shot etiquette Originally Posted: Sat, 22 Aug 21:50 PDT
cock shot etiquette

[HR][/HR] Date: 2009-08-22, 9:50PM PDT
[HR][/HR]
since so many guys post cock shots on CL, i thought i'd offer some advice from a woman's perspective on how to do it right. or better. first, have good lighting. maybe a soft glow or indirect light. it's pleasing to the eye. make sure you don't have alot of riff raff in the shot. after all, this is the pic that is going to make the ladies run to you. you know, get us in the mood because nothing turns a girl on more than your 9" tool and promises of all nighters. the riff raff you want to hide is your dirty laundry laying all over the bedroom floor, your twin bed, your roomies twin bed, trash, beer cans, bongs and please hide the many computer/tv cables snaking all around your student desk. also, we don't really want to see your tighty whities bunched down around your junk, your hairy gut or thighs or any kind of measuring device proving your inches. (to the guy who posted his cock shot posed all rigid like next to a bud beer can for measuring purposes or proof of his commoner status: way to rock the comedy world!) nor do we want to see your pants laying all around your feet so we can see your tool from above. this really makes the tube socks the issue at hand and you don't want that. the most important thing to keep in mind is location! i am begging you, as a lover of the 'big one', do not pose your dick over the toilet. we don't really want to see your bathroom shower doors or towels either. in fact, stay out of the bathroom. you guys need to think outside the box if you want to get in the box. be creative! pose your tool on black velvet. pose it on sheep skin. pose it with a piece of jewelry draping it's girth. oh! pose it with hundreds! pose it with keys to your jag or bmw m6 or 7 series dangling off the tip. if you have a prius or any kind of hybrid, don't use this method. wicked fast and expensive autos only. you see where i'm going? you can do so much more than this. women are tired of plain old cock shots. yeah, we love it, we want it bad, we want it 'all night long' (duh) but we need to see some creativity to get us to hit the reply button to 'hit you up'. i'm trying to help you boys get some..

• Location: lookinatit
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Click to expand...

All my have soft glow +rep to the bitch who wrote that number.

FresnoFarmer said:

I might be old school but what's a BBW?? Currently I'm under the impression that it means Big Bad Woolymammoth

Click to expand...

big beautiful women.