the white stuff cains you over time bro ... i used to be alot like what you sound like, coke'd up , pissed , stoner , fighting , always looking to make a raise , always after a way to excite my life in the end it all took its toll and fucked me up! i had counciling and to be honest, the only way i managed to get thru it was by cutting off the life i had, i had to drop friends and just became a recluse... eventually i met my missus by clear fluke actually and she kept me on the straight.. i still have contact with 2 maybe 3 of my old mates but i probably only ever see one of them (cus he grows n sorts me out when im dry lol) iv not drank for over a 18mnths now and been coke free since last oct... sometimes i miss being smashed but then i remmeber the hangover/comedown and i dont miss it that much lol ... ill stick to my missus my daughter and my weed... everyone else can bollocks lmao !