Why don't men listen?

cannabineer said:

If she works with you on that, you two have a good thing going. cn

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I've never had a problem approaching a women with that sort of tactic. They mostly seem vary appreciative of the fact that you are trying to understand what they are trying to say. IME, women have a hard time saying what they really want to say, or are afraid it may not come out the way the initially meant to say it.

Edit: I couldn't ask for a better person to spend my life with. I truly feel lucky.

SirGreenThumb said:

I've never had a problem approaching a women with that sort of tactic. They mostly seem vary appreciative of the fact that you are trying to understand what they are trying to say. IME, women have a hard time saying what they really want to say, or are afraid it may not come out the way the initially meant to say it.

Edit: I couldn't ask for a better person to spend my life with. I truly feel lucky.

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My experience is that the approach worked, but it was a question of staying power. Take my xgf. (Please.) She claimed most solemnly to be committed to talk stuff out. The reality proved otherwise. cn

cannabineer said:

My experience is that the approach worked, but it was a question of staying power. Take my xgf. (Please.) She claimed most solemnly to be committed to talk stuff out. The reality proved otherwise. cn

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Basically you are saying that someone like your "ex" would claim she wanted to talk things out, but when it came down to it, she refused to listen to anything you had to say?

guy incognito said:

Maybe the women just need a filter to block the nonsense so it's not a 24 hour barrage of needless information. I get desensitized to it pretty fast. I still hear it, but not really consciously, just like I don't really notice that loud fan running 24/7. After awhile it just gets tuned out.

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Think that's the correct answer right there.

i think you gotta call it person by person. some people arent good listeners in general. i piss my wife off like that all the time. in my case, im used to people doin so much talking, its hard to store it all and somehow find the point in what it was they were saying, i got bad short term memory issues. it was like that way before i started smokin, anyway, my girl likes to "talk" but when she does it seems shes making the exact same point in 40 different ways so it sounds like a whole convo but its actually just 1 point. im like i had your point from the first sentence but now you added so much more vocabulary, ive forgotten what the hell it was and now all i hear is charlie browns teacher, and that equals.... im not listening. i think girls should just write shit down in list form. i think that would make communication between sexes alot easier

SirGreenThumb said:

Basically you are saying that someone like your "ex" would claim she wanted to talk things out, but when it came down to it, she refused to listen to anything you had to say?

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I cannot tell you if she refused to listen. But she did renege on her promise to discuss everything as it came up. cn

the penis . . .

VILEPLUME said:

True story, I got married this year and my wife keeps saying "You don't listen", is this a common problem most men face in a serious relationship?

Women on RIU, is it true? Are most men bad at listening?

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Yes it is a common problem, well it is in my house anyway my husband doesn't listen to a word I say unless I throw a tantrum then he listens. Half the time he's in a world of his own, I tell him something,for instance the the tax is out on the truck at the end of the month,okay he says then when the time comes to tax it he says I didn't know the tax was out, he does it all the time and it's not just him my youngest son is the same they just don't listen to what I'm telling them I give up!

Granny weed said:

Yes it is a common problem, well it is in my house anyway my husband doesn't listen to a word I say unless I throw a tantrum then he listens. Half the time he's in a world of his own, I tell him something,for instance the the tax is out on the truck at the end of the month,okay he says then when the time comes to tax it he says I didn't know the tax was out, he does it all the time and it's not just him my youngest son is the same they just don't listen to what I'm telling them I give up!

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Thanks for sharing, if it makes you feel better I am the same way with my wife. Once I start thinking of something, it is hard for me to concentrate on anything else.

Granny weed said:

Yes it is a common problem, well it is in my house anyway my husband doesn't listen to a word I say unless I throw a tantrum then he listens. Half the time he's in a world of his own, I tell him something,for instance the the tax is out on the truck at the end of the month,okay he says then when the time comes to tax it he says I didn't know the tax was out, he does it all the time and it's not just him my youngest son is the same they just don't listen to what I'm telling them I give up!

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oh the dreaded "you never told me"...even though you did calmly and nicely about 50 times.

The problem is that those calm and nice statements were sandwiched between mountains of inane bullshit. Yes I guess you did technically tell me, but you also told me about those 6 coworkers that are bitches, how your foot hurt today, how you want to get a puppy, and a whole slew of other shit I can't remember. Filtering and prioritizing what my woman tells me would be a full time job. Instead I just nod and pretend to listen.

guy incognito said:

The problem is that those calm and nice statements were sandwiched between mountains of inane bullshit. Yes I guess you did technically tell me, but you also told me about those 6 coworkers that are bitches, how your foot hurt today, how you want to get a puppy, and a whole slew of other shit I can't remember. Filtering and prioritizing what my woman tells me would be a full time job. Instead I just nod and pretend to listen.

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dude you have such a sore spot with women, were not all like that jesus you need to either get divorced or go find a nice lady holy man

sunni said:

dude you have such a sore spot with women, were not all like that jesus you need to either get divorced or go find a nice lady holy man

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I am not willing to abandon my woman because of a couple flaws. You are not all like that, but my first hand experience says otherwise.

It all comes down to how we are hardwired (I believe). Back in the hunter/gatherer days, men would leave and go on hunting trips; make too much noise (e.g. talking) and scare the animals away. We learned how to communicate the main point rather quickly and efficiently in order to minimize the sound our mouth's would make. Women on the other hand spent time collecting nuts and berries, gathered in social settings and discussing gossip - just mindless banter to pass the time. Hundreds of years of this similar lifestyle and the DNA begins to change and adapt. Too many studies to list regarding boy and girl babies faced with problems in a clinical setting, their approach to solving it is very similar to how men and women think as adults.

I really do not mean to offend and understand that there are exceptions to the rules, case and point - a few people in this thread. With this understanding, look at how a relationship forms over time. If a man is used to a woman just spewing out verbal diarrhea all day then yes, he will in turn become accustomed to drowning out the talking (24/7 white noise fan) of his woman. It seems to make sense that when an important item is brought up (tax on the truck being due), the man will most likely dismiss this item, out of habit, as useless drivel unless there is an important headliner before the fact, "Listen up stupid, this is very important so pay attention." It works for me and my wife knows this, uses it only for that purpose too.

I can understand because my wife and I have been in this situation before; she says I never listen and I respond with she never communicates, just talks (there is a difference). I do take some offence to be spoken at (like a previous member stated)...and it comes from the fact that I never ramble on about my day to her. It frustrates her because it can seem like I am angry or upset with something, but in reality - i just do not know how to ramble on and on about who said what and why I felt like I did.

Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus

I'd have to concur with the desensitization. if you bombard our brains with too much information all the time, we will internally prioritize what is important and what is not... hence selective hearing.

poplars said:

I'd have to concur with the desensitization. if you bombard our brains with too much information all the time, we will internally prioritize what is important and what is not... hence selective hearing.

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It is hard to focus on what is important sometimes. Also being a man with ADD doesnt help either.

Why don't women say anything worth listening to?

VILEPLUME said:

It is hard to focus on what is important sometimes. Also being a man with ADD doesnt help either.

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exactly, I have ADHD as well so I know exactly what you mean, I smoke generous amounts of cannabis and drink coffee on a daily basis to help maintain the adhd symtoms, some days it's not so bad, others it's pretty hard to focus. either way indicas definitely help slow me down a bit. puts me right at about where a normal person would be.

Lacking the ability to turn off my sense of hearing i do indeed hear you .. i try my best to listen i promise i do
however i have little interest in your current opinion because your woman talk is sounding like tedious drivel, but you do have a nice arse
sorry cupcake what was you saying ? i was preoccupied listening to my thoughts and as a man i am unable to multi-task
was it something about money ?

poplars said:

exactly, I have ADHD as well so I know exactly what you mean, I smoke generous amounts of cannabis and drink coffee on a daily basis to help maintain the adhd symtoms, some days it's not so bad, others it's pretty hard to focus. either way indicas definitely help slow me down a bit. puts me right at about where a normal person would be.

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Haha you sound like me.

I havent been tested for ADD or ADHD but I am sure i have it.

My mind feels like a race track trying to keep up with all the fast cars racing.