Suicide dilemma

D3monic said:

I personally suffer from depression, always have. Never wanted to live this life I was forced to lived. Tried to hang myself when I was 12 after having a dream of what my future was going to be. Unfortunately someone found me in the closet and was able to resuscitate me. Anything from my drug abuse and alcoholism to pill popping I continued to try and kill my self but in a more self destructive manor. I never knew just how imbalanced I was until my doctor put me on Zoloft to help manage my resent (started a year ago) anxiety attacks.

Affair, Divorce, subsequent financial troubles leading to foreclosure, bills pilling up. all dragging me back down into depression again. I kept going through bouts where I would be overly emotional, crying, suicidal. ... eventually I figured out that I was sitting on a bad batch of Zoloft. The pills where a little lighter in color than my rest. Every time I took out of that bottle I would get the headaches and emotional swings like I was late or had missed a dose. I'm glad I figured out what was going on because I came REALLY close to killing myself there several times.

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You should see the nasty scars on my wrists from my attempt. I ended up in a psych ward. I've never been that low since and I don't plan ever doing it again. Besides, cutting your wrists is fucking PAINFUL. I even soaked my arms in ice water. It still fucking hurt.

Hehe.. you make me bite my lip an awful lot lately. (sunny* sorry you snuck that post in quick carne)

Carne Seca said:

You should see the nasty scars on my wrists from my attempt. I ended up in a psych ward. I've never been that low since and I don't plan ever doing it again. Besides, cutting your wrists is fucking PAINFUL. I even soaked my arms in ice water. It still fucking hurt.

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really?i found it ddint hurt, sounds silly now but it was probably because i was in so much emotional pain i couldnt feel it. i also have a really high pain tolerance now ...but still fucking sucks the scars went down alot with that stretch mark shit ahh whats its it called bio oil? i think

Carne Seca said:

You should see the nasty scars on my wrists from my attempt. I ended up in a psych ward. I've never been that low since and I don't plan ever doing it again. Besides, cutting your wrists is fucking PAINFUL. I even soaked my arms in ice water. It still fucking hurt.

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I'm surprised I don't still have scars on my neck. I had huge gouges/scabs all the way around from the strap I had used... was embarrassing as hell especially since my step brother told everyone at school I had done it beating off while hanging myself.

sunni said:

really?i found it ddint hurt, sounds silly now but it was probably because i was in so much emotional pain i couldnt feel it. i also have a really high pain tolerance now ...but still fucking sucks the scars went down alot with that stretch mark shit ahh whats its it called bio oil? i think

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Oh man! You're a woman. Women can handle pain better than men. I'm a big woose. I can't handle pain. Plus my adrenalin was through the roof.

D3monic said:

I'm surprised I don't still have scars on my neck. I had huge gouges/scabs all the way around from the strap I had used... was embarrassing as hell especially since my step brother told everyone at school I had done it beating off while hanging myself.

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Ouch. Brothers can be evil at times.

Gallows humor forsooth. cn

cannabineer said:

I disagree, especially with the bolded. It handcuffs us to life without a reason given, and with no real logic behind it. It stinks of doctrine. Jmo. cn

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You view life as if it was a sentence handed down. You had nothing to do with your creation, so do you deserve to have something to do with your demise? I think not....jmo

Suicide is a very touchy area for some, as I have family members that left this world in some terrible ways, and if I ever get the chance, I will call those of them that took thier own life a chicken shit coward and then bitch slap them a time or two for the ones they left behind with no reasoning to the act.

Peace

Asmallvoice

ASMALLVOICE said:

You view life as if it was a sentence handed down. You had nothing to do with your creation, so do you deserve to have something to do with your demise? I think not....jmo

Suicide is a very touchy area for some, as I have family members that left this world in some terrible ways, and if I ever get the chance, I will call those of them that took thier own life a chicken shit coward and then bitch slap them a time or two for the ones they left behind with no reasoning to the act.

Peace

Asmallvoice

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I challenge the bolded. The way i see it, I had and have everything to do with my existence. ("Creation" is a loaded word in this context.) My life is mine and no longer anyone else's. The responsibility and authority are mine alone.

If you're going to challenge me on something as fundamental as my right to my own life, I would really appreciate it if you developed the idea and didn't simply state it as fact. That way I can't just dismiss it as probably repackaged religion. cn

ASMALLVOICE said:

You view life as if it was a sentence handed down. You had nothing to do with your creation, so do you deserve to have something to do with your demise? I think not....jmo

Suicide is a very touchy area for some, as I have family members that left this world in some terrible ways, and if I ever get the chance, I will call those of them that took thier own life a chicken shit coward and then bitch slap them a time or two for the ones they left behind with no reasoning to the act.

Peace

Asmallvoice

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I was a coward that committed suicide.

It takes real courage and strength to endure and live on. But its wise not to judge others also in matters such as this. Death by ones own choice is a sad thing all around. can it be righteous? is it moral? Its against the law, but we all feel our own way about it, and for some of us its a very very touchy issue . Its a 50/50 coin that never stops flipping in the air

I feel like most people who "attempt" suicide just want attention for help, really not that hard to kill yourself.

theloadeddragon said:

I was a coward that committed suicide.

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I'm pretty sure you can only use that phrase for the successes.

It takes real courage and strength to endure and live on. But its wise not to judge others also in matters such as this. Death by ones own choice is a sad thing all around. can it be righteous? is it moral? It's against the law, but we all feel our own way about it, and for some of us its a very very touchy issue . Its a 50/50 coin that never stops flipping in the air

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The bolded makes me grin darkly ... I am trying to imagine the penalties.

Seriously for a moment, what astonishes me about the people who condemn suicide as selfish is that they are committing the same moral crime as the one they're condemning. Granted, it's beyond doing for normals to step into the mind of one who has come to the awful unnatural place where the bottles labeled Hope and Courage have just dark crescent stains in their bottoms. This does not remove the requirement for empathy; it just makes it hard to perform. Jmo. cn

cannabineer said:

I'm pretty sure you can only use that phrase for the successes.

The bolded makes me grin darkly ... I am trying to imagine the penalties.

Seriously for a moment, what astonishes me about the people who condemn suicide as selfish is that they are committing the same moral crime as the one they're condemning. Granted, it's beyond doing for normals to step into the mind of one who has come to the awful unnatural place where the bottles labeled Hope and Courage have just dark crescent stains in their bottoms. This does not remove the requirement for empathy; it just makes it hard to perform. Jmo. cn

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I was pronounced dead twice.

I wasnt conscious I dont know exactly what happened.... but they told me that my heart stopped 5 different times and they pronounced me dead twice.

a place without hope or courage. life is different for all of us, how we feel and the way we see things. The things we see are different too. there are many things that you would have your own opinion about and think of a certain way.... until your put in that position in those circumstances .

My "attempted" suicide woke me up to my greatest desires in life, and is what gives me hope and courage everyday now

cannabineer said:

I challenge the bolded. The way i see it, I had and have everything to do with my existence. ("Creation" is a loaded word in this context.) My life is mine and no longer anyone else's. The responsibility and authority are mine alone.

If you're going to challenge me on something as fundamental as my right to my own life, I would really appreciate it if you developed the idea and didn't simply state it as fact. That way I can't just dismiss it as probably repackaged religion. cn

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I agree 100% with the fact your life is your to live as you see fit, my argument is about what brought you into this world and what will take you out, nothing about what happens in the middle, so no religious bs here, just straight talk.

You didn't make you, so the way I see it, that responsibility is not yours, pick whatever you wish from that, but your life is yours to live and make the best or worst of until whatever end fate and/or destiny have for you, but the demise is not even in our realm of concern, that is left for fate and/or destiny which is expressed in as many different ways as there are individuals on the planet.

Suicide is nasty no matter how you view it. Its a terrible thought to ponder.

Peace

Asmallvoice

This question answers its self. If you are in so much pain that taking your own life will make it better then you will do it. If you have to ask others if it would be alright then it obviously isn't

ASMALLVOICE said:

I agree 100% with the fact your life is your to live as you see fit, my argument is about what brought you into this world and what will take you out, nothing about what happens in the middle, so no religious bs here, just straight talk.

You didn't make you, so the way I see it, that responsibility is not yours, pick whatever you wish from that, but your life is yours to live and make the best or worst of until whatever end fate and/or destiny have for you, but the demise is not even in our realm of concern, that is left for fate and/or destiny which is expressed in as many different ways as there are individuals on the planet.

Suicide is nasty no matter how you view it. Its a terrible thought to ponder.

Peace

Asmallvoice

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But to place the fulcrum of my fate/destiny outside my own hands strikes me as attacking one moral abdication with an even greater one. Jmo. cn

cannabineer said:

But to place the fulcrum of my fate/destiny outside my own hands strikes me as attacking one moral abdication with an even greater one. Jmo. cn

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No attack intended M8.

You see it your way, which I fully respect, but please understand, I have lived through the aftermath and it is and will always be the most chicken shit thing you can do to yourself and your loved ones.
I do not care about the reasons behind the decision to end your own life, it is the most cowardly way out.

Peace

Asmallvoice

ASMALLVOICE said:

No attack intended M8.

You see it your way, which I fully respect, but please understand, I have lived through the aftermath and it is and will always be the most chicken shit thing you can do to yourself and your loved ones.
I do not care about the reasons behind the decision to end your own life, it is the most cowardly way out.

Peace

Asmallvoice

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I didn't perceive it as an attack. I think i might have been too compact in my expression.
I do see suicide as a moral abdication ... it is the one act that cannot be undone (barring killing someone else).
However I view placing the fulcrum or focus of one's own morality outside oneself as the bigger moral abdication. It's an extremely popular one however.

I have recently been wrestling with the Unauthorized Option, and always get a little hot under the collar when I hear people describe it as supremely selfish. I find that attitude offensive ... and ask myself why. So far my best answer has to do with the hypocrisy of failed empathy: people either cannot or will not put themselves into the shoes of the person seriously staring the Unauthorized Option in those bottomless eyes that promise Nothing. Jmo.

Fwiw I appreciate your steady tone. I consider it vital (pardon the mixed metaphor) to be able and allowed to discuss such topics unflinchingly and without the usual sociocultural overlay. cn