ok, so am I alone in thinking that the whole showing thing in funerals is macabre? I mean I went up there today and grampa looked just awful. Don't get me wrong, the mortician didn't have a lot to work with, the poor old man has been withering away for the past few years as the disease ate away at him.
My point is who really wants to go see friends or family in this state? I only go because I am expected to go. It's not that I don't love him and my grandma, of course I do. Very very very much. I'd just rather remember them as they were before not after.
Not to mention having to talk to 100 obscure relatives and "friends" of the family who I haven't seen in twenty years and probably won't see for another twenty...if then. Having to make conversation with folks like this is awkward at best. Personally I'd rather grieve alone and not have dozens of people tell me "he's in a better place" I just wanna say....well no shit! He could barely feed himself he shook so much and only weighed 90 lbs. Couldn't walk and at times couldn't even speak cuz of the disease or the medications. Yes, I'd say he's in a better place.
Out of all the people I talked to there today there was only 1 that I really enjoyed speaking to. He was one of grampas' best friends who had moved away. I didn't remember him cuz it had been twenty years since I had seen him, but it was nice talking to him and hearing stories about he and gramps. These folks drove twelve hours to get here. That's a friend right there.
anyways, just had to vent
on a positive note I still look pretty snappy in my suit
wish I had better occasions for which to wear it.