It was a combination of him being unaware he was hurting my feelings and him wanting the best for me.
We haven't had a close relationship since my teen years because we both hide our feelings and get loud/irrational when we get hurt. I also developed depression in my teens. I never knew how to express my feelings without swearing or yelling.
My dad said it was because he wasn't a good role model for expressing feelings.
My husband got mad at me for being sad about my father because it reminded him of his father. He blew up at me and told me to give up on my dad because nothing was going to change. He yelled at me and talked over me saying that nothing has changed and it will just hurt me more to try.
Upset, I drove right back to my parents crying. I told my dad I needed a hug and then I just broke down even more. I told him that ever since his heart attack I have realized how important he was to me and I wanted to have a good relationship with him. I wanted to laugh with him and have fun. I wanted to hear things he thought I was doing right and that he loved me more often. I also asked him to ask me for help on things he knows he is okay with me helping with. He is not someone who likes suggestions, so just tell me what you need help with and how you want it done so I can feel like I am useful and important because I want to help him.
He explained a few things about himself and I told him that I will keep them in mind. He said I could say "dad you're being kinda rude" or "dad you hurt my feelings" and he would do his best to make it right.
He held me the whole time we talked and my mom was crying, my brother was crying, my dad was tearing up.
I told him I always love him even when I am mad/upset. I apologized for a few things I said and didnt say. I asked him if he would turn me away if I was crying and he said never.
Then after we watched the end of Game of Thrones and he said that I was very brave for coming over and talking with him. I said I didn't want my husband to be right.
I never want to give up on my dad.
