Random Jibber Jabber Thread

ClaytonBigsby

ClaytonBigsby

Well-Known Member
Dear Makers of Jolly Ranchers,

I just thought you should know that nobody (NOBODY) ever eats any of the blue raspberry flavored Jolly Ranchers from the candy dish on our reception counter in our office. EVER. When it's time to re-fill the candy dish, there are always those ugly nonappetizing blue raspberry fuckers all abandoned at the bottom of the dish.

I have my opinions on why this phenomenon occurs. For one, that color should not be associated with food. It was really a bad idea. That flavor just screws up the whole assorted flavors bag and I was just wondering if perhaps there is a group of blue raspberry advocates somewhere that have convinced you to continue to make these?

I have been the candy bitch here for going on two years and I am just at a loss. What do I do with all these neglected, disgusting, blue raspberry Jolly Ranchers? I almost want to send them back to you, so that you can send them on to the blue raspberry fan club. I used to gather them up sadly from the bottom of the dish and put them aside in this other cup. I don't like to be wasteful. Now I simply throw them away as soon as they come tumbling out of the bag into the candy dish.

Quite frankly, I have never even tasted one of these things. They could taste awesome! Aside from the fact that nobody has ever HEARD of a blue raspberry, I'm sure they taste quite good. I just can't bring myself to put that radioactive nuclear flourescent unnatural color into my mouth. I'm pretty sure my teeth and gums would probably be stained blue.

I think at the very least, you should consider changing the color of the blue raspberry Jolly Rancher. Maybe just eliminate the blue part altogether. By the way, what's wrong with good ole plain raspberry? Now that's a good flavor. I know you already have cherry and watermelon flavors hogging up the red category, but surely you could come up with something.

To be honest, the bright neon blue color really fucks up the feng shui of my candy dish, with its appetizing array of purple, green, red and red Jolly Ranchers, co-mingling with the ever-popular Reese's PB cups, Hershey's miniatures and Hershey's Nut Lovers miniatures. The Twix and the M&Ms hardly ever stay in the dish long enough to look pretty, but that is to be expected. Fed Ex delivery folks and office visitors of all ilk pounce on those like they are hundred dollar bills. On a completely unrelated note, perhaps it's time for me to start looking for a more exciting job.

Thank you for your time. And remember, nobody wants to eat flourescent blue candy.

Sincerely,

The Receptionist
 
DONNYS

DONNYS

New Member
ClaytonBigsby said:
Dear Makers of Jolly Ranchers,

I just thought you should know that nobody (NOBODY) ever eats any of the blue raspberry flavored Jolly Ranchers from the candy dish on our reception counter in our office. EVER. When it's time to re-fill the candy dish, there are always those ugly nonappetizing blue raspberry fuckers all abandoned at the bottom of the dish.

I have my opinions on why this phenomenon occurs. For one, that color should not be associated with food. It was really a bad idea. That flavor just screws up the whole assorted flavors bag and I was just wondering if perhaps there is a group of blue raspberry advocates somewhere that have convinced you to continue to make these?

I have been the candy bitch here for going on two years and I am just at a loss. What do I do with all these neglected, disgusting, blue raspberry Jolly Ranchers? I almost want to send them back to you, so that you can send them on to the blue raspberry fan club. I used to gather them up sadly from the bottom of the dish and put them aside in this other cup. I don't like to be wasteful. Now I simply throw them away as soon as they come tumbling out of the bag into the candy dish.

Quite frankly, I have never even tasted one of these things. They could taste awesome! Aside from the fact that nobody has ever HEARD of a blue raspberry, I'm sure they taste quite good. I just can't bring myself to put that radioactive nuclear flourescent unnatural color into my mouth. I'm pretty sure my teeth and gums would probably be stained blue.

I think at the very least, you should consider changing the color of the blue raspberry Jolly Rancher. Maybe just eliminate the blue part altogether. By the way, what's wrong with good ole plain raspberry? Now that's a good flavor. I know you already have cherry and watermelon flavors hogging up the red category, but surely you could come up with something.

To be honest, the bright neon blue color really fucks up the feng shui of my candy dish, with its appetizing array of purple, green, red and red Jolly Ranchers, co-mingling with the ever-popular Reese's PB cups, Hershey's miniatures and Hershey's Nut Lovers miniatures. The Twix and the M&Ms hardly ever stay in the dish long enough to look pretty, but that is to be expected. Fed Ex delivery folks and office visitors of all ilk pounce on those like they are hundred dollar bills. On a completely unrelated note, perhaps it's time for me to start looking for a more exciting job.

Thank you for your time. And remember, nobody wants to eat flourescent blue candy.

Sincerely,

The Receptionist
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dude that to much shit to read what did u say ?
 
cannabineer

cannabineer

Ursus marijanus
Clayton, you reminded me of an email from the Paleozoic of the Internet. Enjoy. cn

[h=2]Survival Of The Fittest[/h] Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.
 
DONNYS

DONNYS

New Member
potpimp said:
Man up dude; you got more ass than they got teeth. Don't let a bunch of teeny boppers run you off.
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its not that its fact i cant say shit to homies
i cant pm i cant rep
how can i feel the brotherhood of growers
they want all my post and talking be open for public
 
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