I like to write. I'm thinking about writing a book... not to make money, to give out for free and have other like minded people enjoy the read.
Have you ever tried to study something without going to school? It's hard to stick with it, you don't have the pressure or initiative to continue to learn at a steady pace when someone isn't pushing you, or you don't have a deadline. It's really easy to not work at it, or find something else to do.
I find posting on here stimulating for my mind. It helps me present myself with new ideas, as well as read some really good ideas sometimes from other people on here. Every time i write a reply to someone, i understand better than anyone... that you cannot convince a believer of anything, for their beliefs are not based on evidence, they are based on a deep seated psychological need to believe.
These are not my intentions. My intentions are to critique my own writing, to watch myself come up with new ideas, and new ways of explaining things. Learning from myself, learning from the few of us on here who actually contribute and present legitimate and fun to think about concepts. The more i write, the better i get at it. The more i write, the more i learn about myself, and the more i learn about others, which is always fun for me.
I'm not sure, but it would seem plausible to think that there are people that come to this website and read, without ever commenting or making any sound, maybe something i say will effect them in a positive way, will help them through some crises or depression. You never know who might be reading, or who we might be helping through a tough time of intellectual inquiry, when we decide that what we think we know... is merely what we think we know.
A lot of times when i hear a theist make some irrational idiotic remark, i just sigh/ let my shoulders slump, shake my head, and move on. Sometimes it just isn't worth my time, but sometimes it is. Learning how to pick our battles is important i think.
If you don't see me on for a few days, im probably too busy having fun lol. Riding my bike, playing magic with my buddies, final fantasy, going to the pool, diving off of waterfalls... i think it's healthy to take a break from thinking, and just think about having as much fun as possible!
It is awesome though, when you get people on here who you can help, Hep is a grand example. Don't you regulars here remember the (no offense bro) crazy talk he used to spew at us? For the better part of it, those of us who are compassionate tried to explain things to him in a kind and empathizing manner. (i know it can be hard, and frustrating with you get someone who doesn't listen *walkingeagle) and even then, i don't think we should be unkind... but i also don't think we shouldn't be firm in the way we present our information.
It is a good feeling, when you can talk to someone logically, and then imagine them sitting at home by themselves, doing what we all have done. Sitting there in silence, asking ourselves who we are, and how did we become us?... understanding that we don't really know. Thinking deeply about the experiences we have been through, understanding that all of them could be illusory, that we don't really know anything metaphysical. Admitting to ourselves... no, being honest with ourselves, about what we know... and what we don't know. It is hard, and scary, but there are some of you here who can empathize, and understand what it means to be completely uncertain about EVERYTHING.
Coming to the realization that we don't really know, filled me personally, with a sense of empathy. My whole life came crashing down, what i thought i knew was real...wasn't. What i had based my entire existence on, was a lie, presented to me by other people. I remember years ago, just sitting in my room, thinking, and i couldn't help but cry... it made me feel so lost, what was i to believe now that i understand that i cannot be certain of anything? How can i be happy, and live a just life... if good and bad are subjective and not inherent? If meaning wasn't given to me... that i had to give myself my own meaning?...
I remember searching for the answer, i was unconvinced that there wasn't one, i tried researching all religions, tried to find the best one i could, that meant the most to me... in time, i sadly came to the understanding... that what my emotions had striven for so deeply, just one certainty, just one... that i would never achieve, i would never have it.
So with that empathy, i can understand how hard and painful it can be for some people to just think, and question. To meditate, to try their best to be honest with themselves. I know how hard it was for me, and i fortunately find myself to be very open minded... but imagine how hard it is for those of us who aren't? They are going through an internal battle, lies vs/ truth. It is the hardest struggle, to be honest with oneself. It is a hard battle, and most of us don't come out of it without acquiring a few scars.
I think there are two kinds of people, those of us who are honest with ourselves, and those of us who aren't. Those of us who spend hours, days, in deep contemplation, questioning everything we have been told, everything we think we know... we all come to the same conclusion at the end, all of us. That we really don't fucking know ANYTHING metaphysical. And even the things we claim we know, gravity, general relativity, quantum mechanics... the laws that make up the reality that we are living in, it could all be illusion, or a dream... or an endless chart of possibility. We still cannot be certain about the things we have ACTUAL first hand experience with, because what we think is real... could be something else entirely.
I seem to have gotten a tad bit offtrack lol. My apologies. But all in all i feel you Pad, i get discouraged sometimes too, but when that happens i know there really isn't anything i can do to help people reason, or most importantly... be honest with themselves. It's times like that when i step back, take the Beatles advice, and let it be.
If i can say something that i know might help others who will be reading (because i already know it won't help the person i am interacting with) then i will say it regardless. The more i write, the better i get at it.
On a side note, if what you are doing isn't giving you pleasure any more, or a sense of accomplishment... stop doing it, and do something else. Just my two cents.
Random wandering, sorry 'boot that 
*whistles a tune*
